PDA

View Full Version : FanFic: Love Ailita (Real Thing)


Newdroid
May 17, 2005, 08:45 PM
Love Ailita-Prolougue

In the mines of Ragol....

???: Hurry! Put her in the escape telepipe!

A beautiful seemingly lifeless girl was put into a telepipe by a group of scientist.She
has moon blue hair and deep violet eyes.Her name is Ailita

???:Set her activation time for 6 months,I wish we could wake her up sooner, it's almost too....

That day,an unparalelled explosion occured on Ragol. Supposidly,no one knows how it happened.
Soonafter the explosion, Pioneer 2 headed towards the planet's atmosphere,tracking the lost signal
of Pioneer 1 .





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Newdroid on 2005-05-17 18:49 ]</font>
Newdroid
May 17, 2005, 08:56 PM
If you want a character in the fic,I'd be glad to add him/her/it just pm me!
Solstis
May 17, 2005, 09:54 PM
On 2005-05-17 18:45, Newdroid wrote:
Love Ailita-Prolougue

In the mines of Ragol....

???: Hurry! Put her in the escape telepipe!

A beautiful, seemingly lifeless girl was put into a telepipe by a group of scientists. She has moon blue hair and deep violet eyes. Her name is Ailita.

???: Set her activation time for 6 months, I wish we could wake her up sooner, it's almost too....

That day, an unparalelled explosion occured on Ragol. Supposedly, no one knows how it happened. Soon after the explosion, Pioneer 2 headed towards the planet's atmosphere, tracking the lost signal of Pioneer 1.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Newdroid on 2005-05-17 18:49 ]</font>


1. What do these mines look like? What kind of mines are they? Do they have shiny corridors, or are they just large caverns held up by creaking wood?

2. I wish that you would put this in the past tense, but if you can pull off the present, go for it.

3. Wait? What? An explosion happened? When? Did it occur right after "???" finished speaking or several hours later?

4. Er... I don't think that a spaceship wwould to go towards the atmosphere of a planet, unless, of course, it intended to land.

As of now, you're using the PSO storyline as a crutch. You're assuming that the reader is very familiar with the game, and doesn't particularly care whether or not you fill in the backstory.

Then again, this is a prologue, so who knows what the chapters will be like.

(as a side note to everyone: unless your prologue is long and in depth, post the first chapter right after to keep a reader's attention)