KodiaX987
Jun 2, 2005, 09:41 AM
OK, first off, I like games that use the Kudos system. I really do! They'd rock so much ass if it wasn't for the shitty designs that they had to go through.
But then. I've tried Project Gotham Racing. I demoed it at the EB one fine day and chose a car. Then another. Then another. Then another. Until I realized the handbrake button was absolutely useless in that game, and the only safe way to do a powerslide was to slam the brakes and turn at the same time, or else I'd hit the cones and spin out of control. Not good.
Then came MSR. Metropolis Street Racer.
I popped this game into my Dreamcast to quickly realize it has to be one of the most poorly designed racing games ever.
POINT ONE: SHITTY PHYSICS
It's not normal that I can take a ride down four flights of stairs with my car and yet be glued to the road at all times. This game has no vertical component. At all. No airing, no jumping, nothing. You can go down a steep hill in San Francisco at breakneck speed and have your tires never, ever leaving the road.
POINT TWO: MORE SHITTY PHYSICS
What are you supposed to do when the slightest collision makes your car do a full 180 degree spin? Or better yet, what are you supposed to do when you take a turn and your car mysteriously loses all grip and ends up facing the wrong side of the road? Even better: what are you supposed to do when you bump head-on into an obstacle and come to a dead stop with no bouncing back at all?
POINT THREE: THE GOLIATH AI
You know, the type of AI that magically becomes an expert at the game on the last lap and overtakes you before setting a new lap record. Or, the type of AI with herculean strength that will promptly shove you away without a second thought if you're in his racing line. Don't even bother trying to fight back. He WILL push you into the wall, whether you resist or not. After that, see Points One and Two.
POINT FOUR: DOUBLE STANDARD
It's almost the norm in racing games now: the AI can take a corner, scrape the wall the whole way through, and come out at speeds exceeding 150 MPH. Or, as you'll soon notice in MSR, the AI will have next to no wheelspin on startup. Here, go ahead. Try the Opel OPC and race it. You'll find it impossible to drive in the range of between 0 and 20 MPH without any wheelspin. Or if you are really gentle with the gas, it'll take you a fucking long time to reach that hard-lined 20 MPH. Now to find a challenge where you race against an Open OPC. In a downpour. I know there is one somewhere. Watch that AI-operated Opel closely. Waddya see? Yep! Takes off like a fucking bullet! It's even better in some other race where you begin in a rain of biblical proportions AND going up a steep hill. Don't even bother trying to change cars. It doesn't matter. By the time you stop wheelspinning, the AI will have a 10-second lead on you, and I'm only talking about the next-to-last place.
POINT FIVE: I CAN'T SEE SHIT!
Pop the game one fine morning and choose to race in Tokyo. Or if it's the right time of the day, choose London instead. Waddya get? PITCH. FUCKING. BLACK. Especially in London, where even racing daytime is a challenge in itself because you just can't see a single thing. Don't adjust your TV, it doesn't matter. You don't see shit and you never will. Prepare to race blind and stick to second place for the only purpose of following the AI in front of you (since it happens that the AI, of course, has X-Ray and infrared vision, and will show you the way to go until you attempt to zip past him on the last lap... If you can. See Point Three.) You know, make the fences neon red if it'll help it, I don't care how ugly it'll look but fucking show me the edges of the road so that I can know where to fucking turn! The big-ass arrows don't mean shit here. They're only placed to confuse you.
POINT SIX: GET OFF MY FUCKING FACE
As soon as I do a power slide, I see a big fat "WEY-HEY!" in front of my eyes. That's really cute, but that big fat "WEY-HEY!" happens to be directly in my line of vision, which means I have no way to notice the next corner ahead of me. Nice going, dumbfucks. While I'm busy trying to do the track for the 99th time, you shove a bonus word in front of me just so that I can fuck it all up over again. Bravo. Really, it's amazing that you've let the game go out like this. You'd better fire your test crew right away. I'm ready to kill 'em one by one for not noticing this shit.
And this is why MSR is the worst fucking racing game ever. Thank you.
But then. I've tried Project Gotham Racing. I demoed it at the EB one fine day and chose a car. Then another. Then another. Then another. Until I realized the handbrake button was absolutely useless in that game, and the only safe way to do a powerslide was to slam the brakes and turn at the same time, or else I'd hit the cones and spin out of control. Not good.
Then came MSR. Metropolis Street Racer.
I popped this game into my Dreamcast to quickly realize it has to be one of the most poorly designed racing games ever.
POINT ONE: SHITTY PHYSICS
It's not normal that I can take a ride down four flights of stairs with my car and yet be glued to the road at all times. This game has no vertical component. At all. No airing, no jumping, nothing. You can go down a steep hill in San Francisco at breakneck speed and have your tires never, ever leaving the road.
POINT TWO: MORE SHITTY PHYSICS
What are you supposed to do when the slightest collision makes your car do a full 180 degree spin? Or better yet, what are you supposed to do when you take a turn and your car mysteriously loses all grip and ends up facing the wrong side of the road? Even better: what are you supposed to do when you bump head-on into an obstacle and come to a dead stop with no bouncing back at all?
POINT THREE: THE GOLIATH AI
You know, the type of AI that magically becomes an expert at the game on the last lap and overtakes you before setting a new lap record. Or, the type of AI with herculean strength that will promptly shove you away without a second thought if you're in his racing line. Don't even bother trying to fight back. He WILL push you into the wall, whether you resist or not. After that, see Points One and Two.
POINT FOUR: DOUBLE STANDARD
It's almost the norm in racing games now: the AI can take a corner, scrape the wall the whole way through, and come out at speeds exceeding 150 MPH. Or, as you'll soon notice in MSR, the AI will have next to no wheelspin on startup. Here, go ahead. Try the Opel OPC and race it. You'll find it impossible to drive in the range of between 0 and 20 MPH without any wheelspin. Or if you are really gentle with the gas, it'll take you a fucking long time to reach that hard-lined 20 MPH. Now to find a challenge where you race against an Open OPC. In a downpour. I know there is one somewhere. Watch that AI-operated Opel closely. Waddya see? Yep! Takes off like a fucking bullet! It's even better in some other race where you begin in a rain of biblical proportions AND going up a steep hill. Don't even bother trying to change cars. It doesn't matter. By the time you stop wheelspinning, the AI will have a 10-second lead on you, and I'm only talking about the next-to-last place.
POINT FIVE: I CAN'T SEE SHIT!
Pop the game one fine morning and choose to race in Tokyo. Or if it's the right time of the day, choose London instead. Waddya get? PITCH. FUCKING. BLACK. Especially in London, where even racing daytime is a challenge in itself because you just can't see a single thing. Don't adjust your TV, it doesn't matter. You don't see shit and you never will. Prepare to race blind and stick to second place for the only purpose of following the AI in front of you (since it happens that the AI, of course, has X-Ray and infrared vision, and will show you the way to go until you attempt to zip past him on the last lap... If you can. See Point Three.) You know, make the fences neon red if it'll help it, I don't care how ugly it'll look but fucking show me the edges of the road so that I can know where to fucking turn! The big-ass arrows don't mean shit here. They're only placed to confuse you.
POINT SIX: GET OFF MY FUCKING FACE
As soon as I do a power slide, I see a big fat "WEY-HEY!" in front of my eyes. That's really cute, but that big fat "WEY-HEY!" happens to be directly in my line of vision, which means I have no way to notice the next corner ahead of me. Nice going, dumbfucks. While I'm busy trying to do the track for the 99th time, you shove a bonus word in front of me just so that I can fuck it all up over again. Bravo. Really, it's amazing that you've let the game go out like this. You'd better fire your test crew right away. I'm ready to kill 'em one by one for not noticing this shit.
And this is why MSR is the worst fucking racing game ever. Thank you.