Women...

[HUcastShinobi]

For some reason, I find women scary an awful lot. I'm not being sexist, but I find women highly unpredictable unless you can really bring that "wall" they have down, then they give you some signs. Sure, that sounds easy, but it seems to be harder with a person I'd like, which I want to be like me: locked up, tries to be someone that other people they know appreciate them, likes anime/video games, other things... But my point is, how come women get the advantage? They don't pop either of the 2 quetions, but they do carry the kid. Sure, but we have to swallow a mass of pride just to get that far, let alone empty our pockets for it. Why do I see things so far differently than most of my peers do? Sure I'm 15, but that should have nothing to do with it at all, because I actually know the difference between right and wrong. These people find other people getting hurt or killed absolutly hilarious. Maybe if I could get some of the women here to help, but maybe I could use some advice on how to stop fearing this unique thing you have that guys don't, which is this way of strongly not showing affection till it starts to kill you when they talk sincerely. If that's an ill-made assumption please tell me. Just tell me why (you) women make it harder for the guys by not giving any signs. And another thing, how the fuck do I keep eye contact without the panic of worring that they like me?! I had 1 gf, but didn't get the time to do anything due to my choice of time. Maybe I'm psycho, maybe I'm not.

[Jett_Kakashi]

Im with the best girl Ive ever been with, and yet I havnt swallowed my pride at all. If something happens between us, we talk about it and work it out.
Basically, you have to be open to them, yet, not. (I mean NO offense by this.) Cuz some women love to take advantage of nice guys. Ive seen it happen, as well as experience it. For me, I just let the girl know I love her and shes very dear to me, and prove it.

[HUcastShinobi]

I'm very strict on who I would ask/like, so thats not the problem, its the fact that i need them to like me, and for me to keep eye contact...

[Solstis]

*insert obligatory Highschool Romance comment here*

Done.

[TheOneHero]

On 2005-06-16 18:45, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I'm very strict on who I would ask/like,


It may be just my opinion, though I feel it best to not put love on 'guidelines'.


its the fact that i need them to like me,

I'm sorry dude, but reading that made me think you're just a horny teenager that will go after any girl until one of them returns the 'feelings'.

Stop looking for love, let it find you.


and for me to keep eye contact...

You don't want eye contact 100% of the time; sometimes people just might think you're weird. =/ The girl could be thinking, (Stop fucking staring at me, bitch.) ;p

Give at least 70% eye contact and you'll be fine.

[HUcastShinobi]

Look dude... I'm not one of those retarded freaks you call a high schooler. I have people out of my state who like me, and never have seen a picture of me. But wait, people in my state find any excuse, to hate me! So stop being a stick in the mud and acting like one of them, cause you are assuming like they are. Case closed on Sol.

[Jett_Kakashi]

Ah, problems with the eye contact. Friend, me and you have the same problem. Yet all my female friends that Ive met online have seen pics of me, and vice versa. However, girls around me, like to find some reason to hate me. (I think its because the girls around here suck. And Im not talking about the oral you know what part.)Basically, this is what I say, wait patiently, wait for the right fish to snag the line and then reel in to see what you have. In other words, wait for the perfect girl for you to come to you. Yet, go to her at the same time. You get what Im saying, right?

[Sayara]

On 2005-06-16 19:00, HUcastShinobi wrote:
Look dude... I'm not one of those retarded freaks you call a high schooler. I have people out of my state who like me, and never have seen a picture of me. But wait, people in my state find any excuse, to hate me! So stop being a stick in the mud and acting like one of them, cause you are assuming like they are. Case closed on Sol.


I think everytime love and you are mentioned here we always tell you, wait till your older.
Because 15 youre still alittle well immature. This is true for all 15s, like 12 they are unstable (yes again unstable)

I bolded two spots for a reason here. 1. 15/highschool sophmore i beleive.

2. You add shit that have like nothing to do with the point at hand. I mean its a big deal that people hate you but saying it has no reason to be here.

I love frogs. They are very cold and clammy but i hate tadpoles. Frogs are very cute.

Maybe a bad example but thats how it seems in your rebuttle here.

And for the record, that won't close the case with Sol unless doesn't give 2 hoots to post again.

[navci]

As the only woman who is replying to this thread so far. I will point out your problem.

You are 15.

I am not trying to be stereotypical. But that is your problem right there.

You are 15, they are 15.
Nothing is gonna work out at 15. No matter how many TV/movie tells you they do.

[Sagasu]

On 2005-06-17 00:21, navinator wrote:
You are 15, they are 15.
Nothing is gonna work out at 15. No matter how many TV/movie tells you they do.



Being fifteen isnt the problem, navi ._.

Its that it is considered to be known that at a younger age, you have not the general experience in life to solve complicated problems. Being in a lasting relationship requires the ability to both deal with what you like and dislike about a person and find away to solve the many, many complex difficulties that will occur when you spend time with anything. Human or not.

Even the ability to state all this, and the willingness to comit it to heart wont help you when faced with the real life experience. Thus, it is considered to be known that at a younger age, you have not the general experience to solve complicated problems.

But for us dreamers, we like to see it as a goal worth pursuing. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sagasu on 2005-06-17 02:38 ]</font>

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

Girls your age just need attention.
I see it all the time. Get all prettied up for the Friday they go to the movie theater and stand around staring at eachother(peers).

No one is going to be mature at that age, no matter what they tell you they have or have not done. Life experience doesn't make itself.

"Is he looking at me, is that guy looking at me, blah blah blah"

Why can't you keep total attention with eye contact?
Nerves of course! You might be "over-romanticising" the entire conversation-situation at hand! I can speak from experience here.

"OMG if she doesn't do exactly what I think she should do if I do this, I have to do it perfectly, I only have one shot, etc."

Slow down.
A lot of people your age get into that dreamy state of being where: "But I don't want to break up because we put this many years into the relationship!"

OMGWTFHELL.

If 4-5 years of puppy love isn't going anywhere, what is 4-5 more years going to do?! Let you make up stay together through college and get married?! Unlikely sir and madam.

I used to listen to that syndicated radio show Loveline a lot. Fun and informative stuff there.

[Solstis]

On 2005-06-16 20:57, Tingle wrote:


On 2005-06-16 19:00, HUcastShinobi wrote:
Look dude... I'm not one of those retarded freaks you call a high schooler. I have people out of my state who like me, and never have seen a picture of me. But wait, people in my state find any excuse, to hate me! So stop being a stick in the mud and acting like one of them, cause you are assuming like they are. Case closed on Sol.


I think everytime love and you are mentioned here we always tell you, wait till your older.
Because 15 youre still alittle well immature. This is true for all 15s, like 12 they are unstable (yes again unstable)

I bolded two spots for a reason here. 1. 15/highschool sophmore i beleive.

2. You add shit that have like nothing to do with the point at hand. I mean its a big deal that people hate you but saying it has no reason to be here.

I love frogs. They are very cold and clammy but i hate tadpoles. Frogs are very cute.

Maybe a bad example but thats how it seems in your rebuttle here.

And for the record, that won't close the case with Sol unless doesn't give 2 hoots to post again.



Way to blow what I said out of proportion HUcast.

Thanks Tingle.

It doesn't matter if you think that you're far more intelligent than the other highschooler... that doesn't mean anyone else is! You will most likely NOT find a lasting relationship in highschool that isn't created just for the sake of popularity.

Uh-huh Saru... >.>~

Ah, Hayabusa... wonderful post, but I doubt that anyone reads it. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Solstis on 2005-06-17 05:44 ]</font>

[Jett_Kakashi]

On 2005-06-17 00:21, navinator wrote:
As the only woman who is replying to this thread so far. I will point out your problem.

You are 15.

I am not trying to be stereotypical. But that is your problem right there.

You are 15, they are 15.
Nothing is gonna work out at 15. No matter how many TV/movie tells you they do.



Can you explain why I see 7th graders dating, and allready going into closests like the second third nite and making kids? Of coarse...thats just here, but man is it freaky. o.o

[Orange_Coconut]

You have your whole life ahead of you, if you stop to worry about girls and how they like you right now you won't be able to move on with certain things. Take life as it comes, don't try to force it in a specific direction.

The harder you try, the harder you fall, the more you think, the more depressed you become, the more your thoughts change from hopeful to doubtful, the doubts overcome you and you may start to do things you never imagined you'd ever do.

Believe me, it's not worth spending so much thought and worry over. You will eventually find somebody, though it may not be anytime in the near future. Some people don't experience love at all in their life and still live it. There are other things in life that aren't as hard to come by that can be equally as fulfilling. Just remember that you'll go through all of these emotions that feel like love, but will only be proven wrong when you find out what love truly feels like.

Relationships aren't all that they're cracked up to be, sometimes. Don't forget that with all the care that comes from and toward the other person also comes worry and there will most likely be problems in a relationship that you'll either need to work out or make tough decisions for. I'm not saying they're bad, but just don't rush into things, I've seen too much of that, it's depressing because usually then both people in the couple are miserable and don't have enough courage to tell eachother how they feel about it. And no, that won't happen in every scenario with two teens getting together, it's just one of the more depressing outcomes. Just because you learn from experience doesn't mean that experience will necessarily be pleasant.

[Sayara]

On 2005-06-17 06:11, Jett_Kakashi wrote:


On 2005-06-17 00:21, navinator wrote:
As the only woman who is replying to this thread so far. I will point out your problem.

You are 15.

I am not trying to be stereotypical. But that is your problem right there.

You are 15, they are 15.
Nothing is gonna work out at 15. No matter how many TV/movie tells you they do.



Can you explain why I see 7th graders dating, and allready going into closests like the second third nite and making kids? Of coarse...thats just here, but man is it freaky. o.o


Can you tell me how long these couples last? Or how terrible the "family" turns out in your situations?

[Jett_Kakashi]

Hey they aint my situations....ussually some last for awhile from what Ive seen. However, some last like...three days. o.o

[Daikarin]

Maybe you think too much. Just don't worry so much, learn with what life gives you, and you'll be fine. I was shy too when I was your age, and now look at me!

I'm worse than before! http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

Seriously, you'll gain maturity with age. Don't try to grow up too fast, because sometimes you need to make some mistakes first to get a good grip of what's right.

[Scejntjynahl]

People are so busy categorizing everything into decades and years, when that has abosolutely nothing to do with maturity. Age is just a guideline for people to "label" your level of awareness. So he is 15 big deal. Let us look at the environment, the experiences, and everything else that may have helped someone develop (or not develop). Take for example a 25 year old who has never seen someone die, and take a 16 year old who saw his father die. Will that experience or lack of help create different mindsets in both. Of course. But not all experiences are perceived the same.

The eye contact. That has to be mutual. IF the other person is harboring doubts, fear, insecurity, or simply does not care or see things as you do... eye contact will be uncomfortable. It can be cultural, a pet peeve, so many things that to say that person doesn't care about me because of the lack of eye contact is a bit premature. I maintain eye contact as much as possible because for me it is a sign of respect. I am saying to the person that they have my attention. Will others perceive that as me been infatuated or in love, perhaps. But my reasons are personal, and anyways anyone that "knows" me will realize that is how I behave.

But everything will gradually be answered to you with the passing of time and by the new experiences that may fall upon you. Don't treat your years as tatoos and believe that they will be concrete for ever. Change is the only constant. So hold true to your core being and keep on looking for answers to your personal questions.

Best of luck to you.

[Daikarin]

I agree with Scen, up there. It's all about being confortable around her, and letting her know of what you feel. What are you afraid of? That it won't work? Nothing in life is certain, all you can do is give your best shot, and believe everything will turn out.

Because it always does, whether you stay with the girl or not.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Even_Jin on 2005-06-17 11:42 ]</font>

[darkholemind]

On 2005-06-17 03:04, HAYABUSA-FMW- wrote:
Girls your age just need attention.
I see it all the time. Get all prettied up for the Friday they go to the movie theater and stand around staring at eachother(peers).

No one is going to be mature at that age, no matter what they tell you they have or have not done. Life experience doesn't make itself.

"Is he looking at me, is that guy looking at me, blah blah blah"

Why can't you keep total attention with eye contact?
Nerves of course! You might be "over-romanticising" the entire conversation-situation at hand! I can speak from experience here.

"OMG if she doesn't do exactly what I think she should do if I do this, I have to do it perfectly, I only have one shot, etc."

Slow down.
A lot of people your age get into that dreamy state of being where: "But I don't want to break up because we put this many years into the relationship!"

OMGWTFHELL.

If 4-5 years of puppy love isn't going anywhere, what is 4-5 more years going to do?! Let you make up stay together through college and get married?! Unlikely sir and madam.

I used to listen to that syndicated radio show Loveline a lot. Fun and informative stuff there.


You know, Loveline is still on, I listen to it everynight. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif Good information there indeed.

Everyone your age, is got that 'obssessed' relationship. Unless you're me, and have no romantically involved relationships with women. -_-;

That aside, don't worry about it. Sure look for potential friends, then go for it. Don't rush it, but if you have a really good friend, ask her out.

[HUcastShinobi]

I have many 'good' friends, but its some qualities that dont make them 'suited' if yu might add. And if i get called immature again... Im not even gonna finish that one. Look, im not obsessed, and i do like some people, maybe a lot, but its not depressing me, because i have found a lot of intimidation to not be afraid of what i think, but my problem is putting myself in person and staring them right in the eyes and open sincerely. I can see why you people dont think im 'mature' but i really know whats good and bad in this society. My problem is that i dont see why you people have to be so critical when looking at people. Some of you talk like those many 'popular' idiots i see making out or kissing repetitively. For you to look on your opinions on this, is simply illogical, and this is true. I hope you people are not evaluating the situation from your beliefs, and if you have one thats like "Look at both sides" you actually dont use it after the first few times... It's dissapointing, so stop bashing me senselessly if you are going just by your opinions...

[navci]

It is always the rush. Honestly. As someone said, you have a lifetime ahead of you to meet people, build stuff. No need to rush. Rushing never get you through anything properly.

[HUcastShinobi]

On 2005-06-17 12:09, navinator wrote:
It is always the rush. Honestly. As someone said, you have a lifetime ahead of you to meet people, build stuff. No need to rush. Rushing never get you through anything properly.



This is an example of people assuming... Any questions? Look Nav, im not trying to bash you or anything, but you dont seem to get the point, do ya? I am probably one of the smartest kids in my class, but i dont use my intelligence because my school skillz got bombed a while back due to n00bies makin fun of me, and i had cried and all (stupid elementary school!). But im over that stuff, and im running my life the way it should. Im being myself now, im trying my hardest, and i want to make people see that im not what you think. Now stop assuming Nav! It's not something i like people doing...

[Solstis]

On 2005-06-17 12:05, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I have many 'good' friends, but its some qualities that dont make them 'suited' if yu might add. And if i get called immature again... Im not even gonna finish that one. Look, im not obsessed, and i do like some people, maybe a lot, but its not depressing me, because i have found a lot of intimidation to not be afraid of what i think, but my problem is putting myself in person and staring them right in the eyes and open sincerely. I can see why you people dont think im 'mature' but i really know whats good and bad in this society. My problem is that i dont see why you people have to be so critical when looking at people. Some of you talk like those many 'popular' idiots i see making out or kissing repetitively. For you to look on your opinions on this, is simply illogical, and this is true. I hope you people are not evaluating the situation from your beliefs, and if you have one thats like "Look at both sides" you actually dont use it after the first few times... It's dissapointing, so stop bashing me senselessly if you are going just by your opinions...



Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

1. You need to stop taking things so personally. No one said that YOU are incapable of relationships. If I recall, scen gave some great advice, and most mentioned that most females at that age are incapable of handling a relationship. Maybe you can find that one girl that is, but I don't think that it's really important that you do right now.

2. No one is bashing you. You are assuming that we're a bunch of biased jerks, but believe me, a lot of us have been there and done that (several times). Yes, there is a strong desire to mate/meet someone nice, and it's really hard to do when you're nervous and haven't established good interpersonal skills.

I still get astoundingly nervous when meeting new people, and have terrible anxiety attacks. On the inside. Outside, I am smiling my ass off, because smiling is my default facial expression.

3. Everytime you make a thread asking for advice, you start whining about how our advice is mean, and that you're not a the typical high schooler, and blah blah blah... well... we never said that you were, now did we? You have a bad habit of taking good advice, and twisting it so that it's negative.

4. Take a deep breath. Calm down. Relax. Now smile. Gooood... http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif

[HUcastShinobi]

Well, now i didnt say you were biased, i was just saying i hope no one was assuming by mere assumption ^-^

[Solstis]

On 2005-06-17 12:18, HUcastShinobi wrote:
Well, now i didnt say you were biased, i was just saying i hope no one was assuming by mere assumption ^-^



I will kill you. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_mad.gif

[navci]

On 2005-06-17 12:12, HUcastShinobi wrote:


On 2005-06-17 12:09, navinator wrote:
It is always the rush. Honestly. As someone said, you have a lifetime ahead of you to meet people, build stuff. No need to rush. Rushing never get you through anything properly.



This is an example of people assuming... Any questions? Look Nav, im not trying to bash you or anything, but you dont seem to get the point, do ya? I am probably one of the smartest kids in my class, but i dont use my intelligence because my school skillz got bombed a while back due to n00bies makin fun of me, and i had cried and all (stupid elementary school!). But im over that stuff, and im running my life the way it should. Im being myself now, im trying my hardest, and i want to make people see that im not what you think. Now stop assuming Nav! It's not something i like people doing...



I didn't say you. I am just saying the people you mentioned in general.

edit: the "You" is a general you. Not You, you.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: navinator on 2005-06-17 12:24 ]</font>

[HUcastShinobi]

say your peers... >_> im actually intelligent enough to analize the fact that that has limitless choices...

[TheOneHero]

On 2005-06-17 12:05, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I have many 'good' friends, but its some qualities that dont make them 'suited'



There is no 'perfect' girl/boy for another girl/boy.

There's this girl I know, whom I'm pretty fond of, and she's pretty fond of me. We have loads in common, but yet many differences. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like, a key and a lock:

Both work extremely well together, but both are different. A key can't be with a key, and a lock can't be with a lock. I hope someone gets what I'm getting at. >_>;

[Solstis]

On 2005-06-17 12:42, TheOneHero wrote:


On 2005-06-17 12:05, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I have many 'good' friends, but its some qualities that dont make them 'suited'



There is no 'perfect' girl/boy for another girl/boy.

There's this girl I know, whom I'm pretty fond of, and she's pretty fond of me. We have loads in common, but yet many differences. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like, a key and a lock:

Both work extremely well together, but both are different. A key can't be with a key, and a lock can't be with a lock. I hope someone gets what I'm getting at. >_>;



I've decided to be hypersensitive and take offense to that poorly vieled jab at homosexuality.

http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

Yes, I get what you mean. Even if someone hypothetically found their perfect match, they'd probably get worried because things were going too well. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Solstis on 2005-06-17 12:45 ]</font>

[HUcastShinobi]

I dont mind homosexuality, as long as i dont get bugged by gay men >_>

but i wanted some pure advice on how to keep my eye contact as well, but i just get sympathy for that, so what the hell do i do?!

[TheOneHero]

On 2005-06-17 12:49, HUcastShinobi wrote:

but i wanted some pure advice on how to keep my eye contact as well, but i just get sympathy for that, so what the hell do i do?!



Cuss the hell out of someone and look in their eyes as you're doing so.

If you can do that, (and not get a black eye) you can keep eye contact with anyone.

[Daikarin]

On 2005-06-17 12:42, TheOneHero wrote:


On 2005-06-17 12:05, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I have many 'good' friends, but its some qualities that dont make them 'suited'



There is no 'perfect' girl/boy for another girl/boy.

There's this girl I know, whom I'm pretty fond of, and she's pretty fond of me. We have loads in common, but yet many differences. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like, a key and a lock:

Both work extremely well together, but both are different. A key can't be with a key, and a lock can't be with a lock. I hope someone gets what I'm getting at. >_>;





Yeah. People have an infinity of features, that you'll never find an ideal girl with everything you are. What you can hope for is for the girl that is the most compatible with you, even if the compatibility isn't 100%.

[Scejntjynahl]

On 2005-06-17 13:00, Even_Jin wrote:


On 2005-06-17 12:42, TheOneHero wrote:


On 2005-06-17 12:05, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I have many 'good' friends, but its some qualities that dont make them 'suited'



There is no 'perfect' girl/boy for another girl/boy.

There's this girl I know, whom I'm pretty fond of, and she's pretty fond of me. We have loads in common, but yet many differences. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like, a key and a lock:

Both work extremely well together, but both are different. A key can't be with a key, and a lock can't be with a lock. I hope someone gets what I'm getting at. >_>;





Yeah. People have an infinity of features, that you'll never find an ideal girl with everything you are. What you can hope for is for the girl that is the most compatible with you, even if the compatibility isn't 100%.



But that doenst mean she will perceive you as been compatible with her. She may want something other than "herself" in a male body. Really, if one is having difficulty figuring out what is in their own mind, you will be very hard pressed to even begin to phantom what is in the mind of another.

Nobody can predict, dictate, or control what one feels, nor that of another. You just have to try, and be satisfied with the notion that you attempted rather than doing nothing at all.

If you act hoping her/his/whomever feelings will be to your favor, it will not work. Act based upon your own feelings. Do something for the feelings in you and not because of the possible feelings you hope to they may have for you.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Scejntjynahl on 2005-06-17 13:27 ]</font>

[Daikarin]

Don't complicate, Scen. If you're in love with a girl that is compatible with you, you'll just know it.

[Scejntjynahl]

On 2005-06-17 13:36, Even_Jin wrote:
Don't complicate, Scen. If you're in love with a girl that is compatible with you, you'll just know it.


In a nutshell. Do what your feelings tell you.

[Daikarin]

That's right. I used to think a lot about love. I mean, if I do this, what will it mean to her? If she does this, what will it mean for me? She didn't say "hi" this time, she didn't say "bye" this time, she didn't talk to me this time. I'm like this but she's like that, how can we be compatible?

All of those random useless thoughts are useless. Just live your life, that's the only reason she fell in love for you in the first place. "Worry, but excessive worry is like trying to solve an Algebra equation by chewing bubblegum", or something.

[Sagasu]

On 2005-06-17 13:44, Scejntjynahl wrote:

In a nutshell. Do what your feelings tell you.



I suppose an appropriate question is how can one not do what their feelings tell them.

[Ness]

If you ahve to swallow your pride just to be with a certain girl, than she isn't the right one for you. The same goes with changing. If you have to force yourself to be someone you're not just to get a girl to like you, than you are better off not having her.

[Scejntjynahl]

On 2005-06-17 14:11, Sagasu wrote:


On 2005-06-17 13:44, Scejntjynahl wrote:

In a nutshell. Do what your feelings tell you.



I suppose an appropriate question is how can one not do what their feelings tell them.



When you obsess with the probable feelings that others may have on you. Instead of focusing on the feelings that are in you.

[Sagasu]

On 2005-06-17 14:23, Scejntjynahl wrote:

When you obsess with the probable feelings that others may have on you. Instead of focusing on the feelings that are in you.



Thats a different set of emotions, not choosing something devoid of them.

If you could say that any action can be carried out with some sort of feeling. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/anime2.gif

[Orange_Coconut]

You may have conflicting feelings, that's why. You could think that confronting this person whom you think is someone you're interested in is too difficult. Which means you're feeling a longing to try to tell this person how you feel, yet you don't have the courage or self-esteem to do so. You may make up scenarios before even talking to this person, making up what she/he might say back or how she/he might respond.

Things aren't so easy when it comes to a subject like this, and no my opinions are not right in any way, but then again, they're not wrong either. They're only said through personal experience, and that is enough for me to be able to tell everyone else what it might be like. It's different for everybody, so my advice may not apply to some people here, while it also might describe how another person felt/feels on the subject as well.

[navci]

On 2005-06-17 12:49, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I dont mind homosexuality, as long as i dont get bugged by gay men >_>


I am going to be hypbersensitive and take offence and point out the stupidity with this sentence yet again.

edit: Just to point out this isn't the first time this has ever come up. Hucast seems like to bring this up whenever he can in any thread remotely touching the topic. Hence, the comment here. Since it is frankly quite irrelevant.




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: navinator on 2005-06-18 09:53 ]</font>

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

We've given you the best advice we can.

I'm sorry its not good enough for you, or not exactly what you need. You might only be hearing what you want to hear though. Can you read over the advice we've given a second or third time?

The sentence(s) about homosexuality were not even based on your situation, yet you felt it okay to post your opinion on it, albeit with a smiley/emoticon.

Book smarts doesn't equal street smarts/common sense.

Most people are going to take that opinion on homosexuality as being "immature," like it or not. Also the one's berating us, since we're somehow biased and just like those popular kids. Don't assume anything. Also something that comes with experience and or maturity(yes,not just age mind you).

Story of my life, Solstis, how I have something relevant and important to say, yet no one is willing to listen/read it. Kinda disheartening, but thanks for pointing it out, so more people will attempt to pay attention-or something. Like reverse psychology, in the most basic of lamens terms.

Let me bold something, to make it easier to read, Hucast:
Even if we give you the perfect advice you "need" on looking this girl in the eyes and telling her exactly how you feel, this won't be the 100% end all solution to get her to be your soulmate, or anything beyond classmates/friends!

Looking people in the eyes and telling them exactly how you feel, since you've been feeling it for quite some time now and it has been building up for what seems like forever, will not gaurantee any success for you or make them care one bit more than they will.

I know. From experience, cliche? Yeah. But I don't need to write out all the experiences that ended in heartbreak here for you all to poke and prod at. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

Yeah, I know Loveline is still on-and I stil recommend it to this Hucast topic starter, but I have my reasons for not listening to it-on a daily basis-as I once did in the past.

[TheOneHero]

Since no one seemed to post this yet:


Never assume, because when you assume; you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.

[Arislan]

I'm going to go with Ness' sentiments on this one. If you have to swallow your pride and "grin and bear it" around a girl you think you lie, it's NOT going to last. You WILL crack, and you WILL begin to become annoyed and angry at that person. The opposite is true of changing yourself. If you act differently around a person, and that relationship continues, you will eventually start acting like "yourself". That will very likely bring the relationship, which was forged on a lie, to it's knees.

And yeah, I'm going to say "immature" to the homosexual statement as well. A homosexual person will NOT bug you any more than a straight person will. The only way you're going to be actively hit on by homosexuals is to go to a "Gay Bar" (Yes, I know that the word is a no-no here, but that is the established name for such a place, and if another exists, I'd use that instead) and sit around with a conversation piece, attracting attention. Minor homophobic attitude, it's normal, especially for those that aren't comfortable with their own sexuality (which at 15 is a near given). Not saying that you are homosexual by that comment, BTW. But being that this entire paragraph is technically Off Topic, I'm going to stop with this line now.

[Ness]

I think you guys are over-analyzing his statement about homosexuals bugging him. He didn't say that homosexuals are constantly hitting on people. All he was saying is that he can be around homosexauls as long as one doesn't try to hit on him. Seriously, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable is someone you weren't attracted to started hitting you? I know I would and that's true whether it's a guy or a girl.

Sheesh, some of you guys need to stop trying to be heroes.

Thanks for agreeing with me, Arlisan. I'm going to follow up on what I said earlier by mentioning that most of the stuff you think matters right now won't amount to a hill of beans once you graduate--or even six months down the line. That's how things go in high school. I came across many girls I thought would be "perfect" for me only to find out that there was something better.

[PJ]

On 2005-06-18 09:35, Ness wrote:
All he was saying is that he can be around homosexauls as long as one doesn't try to hit on him. Seriously, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable is someone you weren't attracted to started hitting you?

No, he should be flattered if anyone, regardless of gender, was attracted to him. (Him being put very generally, I don't mean Shinobi, I mean him in a very general term)

You may not share the same feelings as the other person, but knowing someone cares is a great feeling. A feeling he won't understand, apparently.

[Solstis]

On 2005-06-18 09:35, Ness wrote:
Sheesh, some of you guys need to stop trying to be heroes.


Ness, isn't that all you do? Riding to the support of the weak! The poor HUcastshinobi, targeted by jerks! The poor drug addicts, unable to shoot up! The poor criminals, sent to death! The poor Ness, badgered by a bunch of older people that obviously have no idea what they're talking about.

Bullshit.

Anyway, blah blah, work on personal skills, blah blah, immature, but don't worry about it.

[Ness]

@Solstis

I'm just expressing my honsest opinions about stuff. If that makes me look like a knight demigod in shinning armor, then that's icing on the cake.

@SUPAH_CHAO

You may be appreciative of everyone that hits on you, but not everyone feels that way. When the flirting starts, the characteristics of the relationship change and this is a change is not one that everyone can welcome. This goes for flirting regardless of gender. Or at least that's how I feel.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ness on 2005-06-18 16:12 ]</font>

[Saiffy]

On 2005-06-18 15:57, Ness wrote:
@SUPAH_CHAO

You may be appreciative of everyone that hits on you, but not everyone feels that way. When the flirting starts, the characteristics of the relationship change and this is a change is not one that everyone can welcome. This goes for flirting regardless of gender. Or at least that's how I feel.


Some people can't get flocks of girls and boys to say they like them, if you can. Hey good for you! Have a candy-bar. But for some, the words "You're really special to me." and the like mean a lot. I know I'd like someone to say that me, regardless of gender. And then hey, maybe I'd be slightly interested and have something going for me.

I'm attracted to a friend of the same gender, he knows, does he let him ruin the relationship? No, we're still just friends regardless if he doesn't feel the same way. This works for either gender too.


I guess some people are insecure of the fact that some are interested in people of the same gender.

[Ness]

On 2005-06-18 16:09, Saiffwin wrote:
Some people can't get flocks of girls and boys to say they like them, if you can. Hey good for you! Have a candy-bar. But for some, the words "You're really special to me." and the like mean a lot. I know I'd like someone to say that me, regardless of gender. And then hey, maybe I'd be slightly interested and have something going for me.


I never said I got tons of women. Also saying "You're special to me" is a confession of love, not hitting on someone. To me it's a totally different thing, one I view with much more repsect and consideration.


I'm attracted to a friend of the same gender, he knows, does he let him ruin the relationship? No, we're still just friends regardless if he doesn't feel the same way. This works for either gender too.

For me it depends on the person. If we've been friends fo awhile I'm not going to suddenly drop him or her because they fell in love with me. If it's someone I barely know then I'll brush them off.



I guess some people are insecure of the fact that some are interested in people of the same gender.



Homosexuality doesn't bother me.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ness on 2005-06-18 16:16 ]</font>

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

On 2005-06-18 09:35, Ness wrote:
I think you guys are over-analyzing his statement about homosexuals bugging him. He didn't say that homosexuals are constantly hitting on people. All he was saying is that he can be around homosexauls as long as one doesn't try to hit on him. Seriously, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable is someone you weren't attracted to started hitting you? I know I would and that's true whether it's a guy or a girl.

Sheesh, some of you guys need to stop trying to be heroes.

Ness, the point is, that had nothing to do with him, his situation, or the advice he wanted through this topic. Nothing.

You're also overanalyzing it. That's not his intention in even saying that, I'm thinking. You don't have to agree with me, and by giving you the option, you'll probably do as such-and disagree.

It went way off topic with that, but within means. topics can shift gears, so to speak, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with the original post.

Secondly, he seemed to get really upset at us for not giving him exactly what he wanted. He didn't care to read what we put the time in to do for him.

You're not being a hero either. I'm not sure of all your motives as of late-within the debating topics and the like. Regardless, I can't judge someone-lest I be judged?

I should go write a story where Ness dies, and I am cool, just to prove a point. You can't just use people's names/likenesses for your own benefit, and kill them in stories with no hard feelings. For the storyline? Permission yes, but why not tell the person what you're going to do with them in the fictionary tale. Nobody likes surprisises where someone-even in writing a fictionary tale-thinks aloud of gruesome deaths(might be giving you too much credit here though) of the person who happens to read it.

Sorry for going off on a tangent here, also I'll say it even though its cliche', no hard feelings. I'm just putting some things out there, for fear of not saying them at all.

[Mixfortune]

On 2005-06-18 15:57, Ness wrote:
@Solstis

I'm just expressing my honsest opinions about stuff. If that makes me look like a knight demigod in shinning armor, then that's icing on the cake.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ness on 2005-06-18 16:12 ]</font>


Then that also makes this...



On 2005-06-18 09:35, Ness wrote:
Sheesh, some of you guys need to stop trying to be heroes.


...inapplicable.

Arguments go both ways.

[Ness]

On 2005-06-19 02:17, HAYABUSA-FMW- wrote:
Ness, the point is, that had nothing to do with him, his situation, or the advice he wanted through this topic. Nothing.

You're also overanalyzing it. That's not his intention in even saying that, I'm thinking. You don't have to agree with me, and by giving you the option, you'll probably do as such-and disagree.


It could have gone either way with his statement I admit, but you guys automatically assumed the worst of him and attacked him. I said some of you guys were trying to be heroes because you leaped to the defense of homosexuals based on an assumption. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with defending homosexuals (because there isn't), I was saying that you guys need to give him break.


It went way off topic with that, but within means. topics can shift gears, so to speak, and it doesn't have to have anything to do with the original post.

Secondly, he seemed to get really upset at us for not giving him exactly what he wanted. He didn't care to read what we put the time in to do for him.

I realized he was being rude about what you guys were saying to him, but I noticed that some of your guys weren't being so well-mannered either.


You're not being a hero either. I'm not sure of all your motives as of late-within the debating topics and the like. Regardless, I can't judge someone-lest I be judged?

Nor am I trying to be. Like I said, I'm jsut expressing my opinions on the issue.


I should go write a story where Ness dies, and I am cool, just to prove a point. You can't just use people's names/likenesses for your own benefit, and kill them in stories with no hard feelings. For the storyline? Permission yes, but why not tell the person what you're going to do with them in the fictionary tale. Nobody likes surprisises where someone-even in writing a fictionary tale-thinks aloud of gruesome deaths(might be giving you too much credit here though) of the person who happens to read it.

I'd be all for it. In fact, I'd proably laugh along with you. It's not the first time it wouldn't be the first time I died in someone else's fic.



Sorry for going off on a tangent here, also I'll say it even though its cliche', no hard feelings. I'm just putting some things out there, for fear of not saying them at all.



It's all good.

[opaopajr]

k, babe, tryin' to undue your big ball of knotted sentences. seems like most people were fixating on the wrong things, i think.

basically, from what i see, this is a post about:

a)how/why women can mask their feelings --far better than men in your experience.


but maybe I could use some advice on how to stop fearing this unique thing you have that guys don't, which is this way of strongly not showing affection till it starts to kill you when they talk sincerely.

b) how to get these defenses turned off so you two can truly communicate your feelings.


I'm not being sexist, but I find women highly unpredictable unless you can really bring that "wall" they have down, then they give you some signs.

and
c) skills in communication to get over "stage fright" essentially.


And another thing, how the fuck do I keep eye contact without the panic of worring that they like me?!



well, hun, don't mind if i call you hun now sweet?, it's a pretty simple explanation. it all has to do with what you adequately read as "defenses."

a) women, in a crude generality, fight and bully differently than men. several recent studies have come out exploring this topic and verifying there are differences in the social methodology between the sexes in determining social status and waging battles therein. layman terms: there's always a fight going on about who's king of the hill, but men and women fight these battles differently. men are more prone to phsyically lash out, though there is social manipulation -- often involving casting questions on a man's masculinity (which leads to some virulent homophobia, but that's another story). women fight socially and mentally first, though there is physical attacks -- but such overt displays can lead to unwanted wrath by authorities and, more important, damage to reputation.

so women, and men, keep up emotional facades to defend themselves from the array of attacks that happen in the social ladder. and since women most often face blows to reputations, trust, and image, it is needless to say they learn at a very early age how to mask their feelings, and to often be better at it than men. (there are men who are better at this than women, but this is just a crude generality. and i'm sure you are aware men and women are far more similar than all the differences societies try to highlight instead.) this is the why.

b) how to get the barriers down.

one word. trust.

how to build it? be honest, be kind/charitable, show consideration AND interest. a little mystery and power behind the smile always helps, by the way. you'll figure this out soon enough.

but for the love of god, don't be a doormat. no one likes it or respects it. sycophancy is repulsive because it is seen as completely false and desperate. there's no way to trust that as a foundation for a relationship.

otherwise, easy as pie, no?

c) how to not spazz when talking to a girl that you dig? take a few deep breaths before going up to talk to her.

good rule for eye contact: 2 seconds full on eyes (my eyes dammit, not 6 inches above my forehead, not my breasts, not my shoes, my freakin' pupils, yeah those dark holes of mystery within that colorful iris thingie) and then disconnect for a few seconds. disconnecting can be somewhere else on the face, a few feet to the side, an object nearby or behind, whatever, but then return for another full on 2 second gaze, especially when saying or listening to important parts.

good rule of thumb. 2 secs. on 3 secs. off. repeat. during important parts (use judgement) interrupt cycle to go back to 2 sec gaze or extend as need be.

and for the love of god have some confidence and smile, even if it's a tentative, nervous squiggle of a line. yes, even if it feels like it's gonna kill you, try to throw in a smile every now and then. how much and how long? follow eye contact rule. eventually at some part of the conversation it'll come naturally, just like the eye contact.

k, babe? all good? now go get some! no risky, no frisky! http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

[HUcastShinobi]

wow, i hate it when i have all the puzzle pieces, and cant put them together... its something i tend to have a difficult time doing. i wanted answers, but ive been finding out that im a huge flirt, and by god im good at it, without even giving the slightest idea that i like them. and im 15... isnt that a bit odd?

[ABDUR101]

No, children much younger can be huge flirts.

[HUcastShinobi]

I didn't even realize my teasing and jokes and all that was considered that. I don't even mean to flirt 95% of the time, it just happens... Is that even possible?

[ABDUR101]

On 2005-06-19 14:37, HUcastShinobi wrote:
I didn't even realize my teasing and jokes and all that was considered that. I don't even mean to flirt 95% of the time, it just happens... Is that even possible?


It's all based on perception. If it's your personality, then you'd be called a flirt. Makes sense right?

[HUcastShinobi]

well, i didnt have much self-esteem up until about a year ago. could that affect why im so good, or why im doing it?

[opaopajr]

confidence is what people over and over AND OVER say is really sexy about another person. it's true! confidence is sexy. who wants a frowning, shirking, timid rag of a drenched shivering animal as a lover?

so fake it 'til you believe it, hun. then shake it for all it's worth!

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

On 2005-06-19 07:06, Ness wrote:

It could have gone either way with his statement I admit, but you guys automatically assumed the worst of him and attacked him. I said some of you guys were trying to be heroes because you leaped to the defense of homosexuals based on an assumption. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with defending homosexuals (because there isn't), I was saying that you guys need to give him break.

Well that's not it either. The point was it was offensive-to some members, 1 or 1000 members it was still offensive and far beyond what the original topic was about.

He talked of being mature, but then saying that showed how immature we view him-based on his words-which are all we have to judge on.

It comes with experience and maturity to know when to and when not to say things. He should have known it would be offensive to someone(or anyone) and thus not have said it.

I'm not homosexual but I'm all for acceptance, its all about acceptance here. I have to accept people wih views like his, even if I like it or not. Its his motivation to be able to accept others as well, not based on stereotypes or common negative feelings towards groups of people. What if it had been about race? I'll leave it at that. I know it wasn't and this is a mildy related example, but you can see where I'm coming from.

Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.


I realized he was being rude about what you guys were saying to him, but I noticed that some of your guys weren't being so well-mannered either.

Some people were more offended than others and voiced their opinions on his words-in a shorter and more blunt manner than I'm doing, can you agree with me here?

We just wanted the same thing, for him to not say things like that again-to think two more seconds before replying-since it wasn't even directed towards him. thus it wasn't asking him his opinion on it. His opinion on music in a seperate thread shows his immaturity(my opinion on his words) as well.


I'd be all for it. In fact, I'd proably laugh along with you. It's not the first time it wouldn't be the first time I died in someone else's fic.

You have to understand that not everyone sees it as for the sake of creative freedom, or humor. I wouldn't write it to be humorous(big "if" here, I'm not going to write one just to offend you), and not knowing that it wasn't you could be offended.

You have to accept that in writing such a fictionary tale, the person whose name is in it may have a negative reaction to such a tale about them. Especially when you did not ask them if you could use their name and kill them, albeit in a work of fiction. Just because its "fake" doesn't mean its okay and everyone will see it as "no hard feelings, I'll get you back next time haha."

Again, why you did not think at least one person(it doesn't have to be just one again the 1 or 1000 arguement) would be offended is beyond me.

You give them a reason(not being told in this case) and of course someone will be happy to oblige and use it against you, and thus have negative feelings towards both the work- and artist/writer.

Again, I hope you become somewhat more of a 'realist' rather than an 'idealist' soon enough and balance the pros of both while weighing out the cons. I wish you the best of luck with that.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HAYABUSA-FMW- on 2005-06-21 00:47 ]</font>

[Daikarin]

On 2005-06-20 05:05, opaopajr wrote:
confidence is what people over and over AND OVER say is really sexy about another person. it's true! confidence is sexy. who wants a frowning, shirking, timid rag of a drenched shivering animal as a lover?


Er, I find that somewhat attractive in a girl. Am I weird?

[Ness]

On 2005-06-21 00:44, HAYABUSA-FMW- wrote:
Well that's not it either. The point was it was offensive-to some members, 1 or 1000 members it was still offensive and far beyond what the original topic was about.

He talked of being mature, but then saying that showed how immature we view him-based on his words-which are all we have to judge on.

It comes with experience and maturity to know when to and when not to say things. He should have known it would be offensive to someone(or anyone) and thus not have said it.

I'm not homosexual but I'm all for acceptance, its all about acceptance here. I have to accept people wih views like his, even if I like it or not. Its his motivation to be able to accept others as well, not based on stereotypes or common negative feelings towards groups of people. What if it had been about race? I'll leave it at that. I know it wasn't and this is a mildy related example, but you can see where I'm coming from.

Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance.


You missed my point entirely. What I was saying is that the only reason everyone was offended by his statement was because they misinterpreted his statement as saying that all homosexuals are constantly hitting on people. What I'm saying is that how do they know that's what he meant? They don't, but they decided to go with that assumption and attack him anyway.



Some people were more offended than others and voiced their opinions on his words-in a shorter and more blunt manner than I'm doing, can you agree with me here?

We just wanted the same thing, for him to not say things like that again-to think two more seconds before replying-since it wasn't even directed towards him. thus it wasn't asking him his opinion on it. His opinion on music in a separate thread shows his immaturity(my opinion on his words) as well.

He was being a jerk so you guys decided to do the mature thing and be a jerk back. I get it now. Like I said, he's not the most mature of people, but there are some here who are older and supposed to be more mature but aren't.



You have to understand that not everyone sees it as for the sake of creative freedom, or humor. I wouldn't write it to be humorous(big "if" here, I'm not going to write one just to offend you), and not knowing that it wasn't you could be offended.

You have to accept that in writing such a fictionary tale, the person whose name is in it may have a negative reaction to such a tale about them. Especially when you did not ask them if you could use their name and kill them, albeit in a work of fiction. Just because its "fake" doesn't mean its okay and everyone will see it as "no hard feelings, I'll get you back next time haha."

Again, why you did not think at least one person(it doesn't have to be just one again the 1 or 1000 arguement) would be offended is beyond me.

You give them a reason(not being told in this case) and of course someone will be happy to oblige and use it against you, and thus have negative feelings towards both the work- and artist/writer.

Again, I hope you become somewhat more of a 'realist' rather than an 'idealist' soon enough and balance the pros of both while weighing out the cons. I wish you the best of luck with that.



It's all about maturity, and it looks like we've come full circle. It started with Hucast's maturity and now we've come back to maturity on the forum as a whole, specifically the maturity of some of those who are ragging on Hucast. The fact that you can read a fic with negative things about and laugh about it is a sign of maturity. A sign I can't expect everyone to have. So yes I understand how people can get offended because not everyone is as mature as I am. That's why I used an approved list this time around.

Now I think we are skewing things a little off topic so PM if you feel the need to continue this.

[ABDUR101]

Oobla De, Oobla Da, Life goes on...