.Problems with Life

[Shiva91]

EDIT: Title edited for Clarity

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Ryna on 2005-10-03 05:55 ]</font>

[EJ]

Well if you feel pushed around and taken advantage then try to put your foot down every once in awhile and tell them you are tired of taking their shit from them.

Like that example you gave of paying for gas and lending money, I would ask for the gas money before you take the trip there and keep hounding the person to pay you back.

Simply saying no or I don't have the money, time, etc. will no hurt anyone's feelings and if they put you on a guilt trip then you can just simpling say "What about all those times I did this and that for you and got nothing in return."

Plus if these are your friends then they are not really not your friends since they seem to treat you so badly. I say find some new ones or show them that you aren't going to be pushed around by them anymore.

[Shiva91]

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Shiva91 on 2005-10-03 02:13 ]</font>

[EJ]

Making new friends can be tough but not impossible, you don't have to dump your old friends just tell them how you feel that you are being taken advantage of, if they are really your friends then they should understand that.

As for the money thing yea I know how you feel since my sister bugs me for money but I still say no. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_wacko.gif

I would just say take a firm stand and keep saying no.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: ForceEJ on 2005-09-30 02:06 ]</font>

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

I'm saddened that you won't listen to what I have to say, as had happened with another person around here.

If you don't want to get better you won't, no matter how many times you ask for help and get it. Advice, help in person, whatever.

You don't use it, of course nothing is going to change and get better at the flick of a wrist.

Pushover you say?
http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=97907&forum=11

Internet/PSO too rough for you?
http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=84404&forum=11&36

Relationships/broken hearted?
http://www.pso-world.com/viewtopic.php?topic=83230&forum=11&16


JOIN THE CLUB http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif
Like you're the only one. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif
----
Sugar coating everything and saying it'll get better is not a good way to help anyone. The harsh reality is, and sorry to get all blunt with you, is that "life does suck, so get a helmet."

There are always people who have it worse.

Are you a dead body floating in the gulf coast from after the hurricane aftermath, when people have not collected your body due to overload of work and let you lie there?

No.

When you're dead you're dead. There is no "being in worse situation" than you "are now." You're dead, and you don't come back from that. You don't get to see what happens after you're dead, that is a truly horrible stigma to have. Trying to "die" to get back at the world-your family-friends-those that hurt you

I've been depressed beyond belief, I can relate there, but throwing my words aside(when I was being truthful and honest in every facet) as "you don't understand" is a truly bad insult, and shows you don't care enough about the advice or to get better, or to even note what I said at all. Lest I give you more advice anymore(would it be worth it, to me)? After you throw it aside as not understanding or not even responding to it? what I said wasn't 100% worthless, since it is my life, and what has shaped me through hard times. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif

I hit myself when I was soo stressed from work. Nervous breakdown. Emotional outburst, broken, distraught, material items broken. Yeah, I don't understand how "it feels" implying what you have is worse and uncurable?

Hardly.

You're still alive, you still have a lot of life to live.

Internet too rough?

Get logged off and go back to working on life.

What we said concerning your roommate has not been put to use, or even attempted(?). That's sad and all to hear, but again, use the advice you're given, lest you waste away accepting things that aren't just/"right." Is this a broken record, or are you going to fix the scratches?

You can't help anyone who won't help themselves.

But, what do I know. Keep your head up. See you around.

Edit: broken links, spelling

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: HAYABUSA-FMW- on 2005-09-30 02:15 ]</font>

[Neith]

Right, again, I talked to you about this already, so I'll just sum it up.

Not revealing your real name is a safe thing to do when you don't know the person talking to well enough. Revealing your real name later when you've gotten to know them is the way to go. People who don't trust you because of this are jokers. Seriously, it's only a name.

The thing your roommate did was sick, knowing what the pad is to you. Hopefully this new roommate will be nicer =/

As for being an attention whore, 'certain' members have had a lot of play with this. People see you posting often, and usually in FKL, and percieve you as an attention whore. These same people are the attention whores themselves, most of them being the elitists of the site. Ignore them. You aren't an attention whore. If anyone here knew what you've been through lately, they might not be so jumpy to call you one. People like those make me sick.

Dying wouldn't resolve anything, it'd just make the true attention whores worse.

The only way out of this I can see, is to turn your back on everyone that's insulted you/hurt you, whatever.. and walk away. Look to the future. If nothing else, stay just to aspire to what you can be. You can achieve so much, you just have to realise your potential. Try and leave the bad behind...

Anyway, you talk to me often, if you need to talk, I'm available. Hope things get better for you soon..

[HAYABUSA-FMW-]

On 2005-09-30 02:22, Shiva91 wrote:


On 2005-09-30 02:08, HAYABUSA-FMW- wrote:

Are you a dead body floating in the gulf coast from after the hurricane aftermath, when people have not collected your body due to overload of work and let you lie there?

No.

When you're dead you're dead. There is no "being in worse situation" than you "are now." You're dead, and you don't come back from that. You don't get to see what happens after you're dead, that is a truly horrible stigma to have. Trying to "die" to get back at the world-your family-friends-those that hurt you



and how do you know this for certain? How do you know there isn't a worse situation? Sure we both could be wrong about this but neither one of us is right about it. =/

If you want to go ahead and kill yourself, no one will be able to stop you. You do have that right.

It won't be a worse situation, you'll be dead plain and simple, and everyone moves on eventually, even your family and friends. If you want to find out, you certainly can. I don't condone it, and in no way want you to do so, I'm not that bad a person and you know that.

You're 100% right, I'm not dead. I don't know what happens when you die. What happens if you kill yourself, natural causes, tragic accident, whatever.

Life happens, death comes for all of us. Don't need to be naive about it, question what everyone knows blindly.

Should I go get answerman's rant about him classmate who shot himself in the head? How microscopic pieces of his brain are still on that floor and yet, nobody gives a damn? and went about their business as usual after ample griveing time based on relationship to him.

Now it is you, who "don't understand" what I'm saying. Read everything (I'm the broken record now, same as I always say to that other person.) and don't just respond to what you find fault with. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_frown.gif

I don't want to argue. You vented, fine.

Be careful about your choice of words concerning "better off dead" or "suicidal tendencies" next time then.

Life is about learning.

PS: I lost my voice plenty of times. It wasn't permanent, but then don't go about assuming again, thinking nobody knows how you feel-angsty teen-emo feelings. http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_disapprove.gif

[navci]

On 2005-09-30 02:38, HAYABUSA-FMW- wrote:

If you want to go ahead and kill yourself, no one will be able to stop you. You do have that right.

It won't be a worse situation, you'll be dead plain and simple, and everyone moves on eventually, even your family and friends. If you want to find out, you certainly can. I don't condone it, and in no way want you to do so, I'm not that bad a person and you know that.


Okay. Let me get this out of the way so it is going to be said. If you wanna die, stop wanting and just die. None of us can do shit to stop you.

Now that is out of the way.
As I read through your rant, it gave me a very familiar feeling, I used to known someone thinking almost the exact same way you do. His name is Eclair. (well, his name is not Eclair, but for the purpose) He was just like you, down to the little details. What did he do? He went off the internet and actually found some stuff to do, friends to do things with. He came back a much, much happier person. He still have his load of shit that he has to deal with, but now that he know that no one hate him (well, some might, but at least whom he thought did, didn't), he was able to deal with things a lot better than stop eating.

Now point being: It is not easy to solve problems with friends, surroundings, feeling like a pushover. But you, and you alone can help yourself. No one else saying anything here will fix/change anything, it is still up to you. Friends can only provide you with support and strength, the rest is your game.

Keeping it short.

[ABDUR101]

The money issue: It's up to each person individually to draw the line.

If you're strapped for cash and barely getting by, you need to tell that to everyone who has the balls and lack of respect to ask you for money. Do they work/earn any money on their own? What purpose do they need the money they're borrowing from you?

A month ago, I gave an $800 paycheck to my oldest sibling(she's 38) so she can pay her taxes, or her house was going to go up for sale. This same sibling makes four times the amount I do. It also wasn't long ago that I gave her $140 for HALF of a cable bill she owed. I look at it like this, I have afew thousand in the bank, I wasn't strapped for cash, so the money I gave her wasn't a problem. Sure, it's abit akward when you're the youngest of five and helping your oldest sibling who makes four times as much as you pay for taxes and so on, but, I'd expect the same kindness.(Although I have yet to ask anyone for money.)

Would any of your friends/siblings give you money if you asked? If the answer is no, they would'nt, then stop being so generous.

And don't be guilt-tripped into things. Realise that maybe your friends or siblings know thats your "key", to guilt trip you into doing things for them. It's the same with my oldest sibling, her kids guilt trip her into doing all kinds of things for them, and they don't offer anything in return.


Getting rid of old, abusive friends, is easy. You fade from them. You do other things, you gravitate away. Or, you speak up and tell them the issues you have with how they are and see if they acknowledge and can try to better themselves. In the end, no friends are better than bad friends.

And crying never hurt anyone. Sometimes thats what it takes to peel off feelings you've been encasing yourself in.

[Daikarin]

I won't discuss why you were born, but we all know it wasn't so that you would kill yourself. I look at all those emo kids and have a bit of pity. They're so caught-up in the negative side of themselves, and consider it to be the end of the world.

Has your father died? Did your family get struck by a hurricane, like many did lately? Is the bank issuing a disposal demand at your house? What about the good stuff, like the games you are allowed to play, the home you live in, the parents you have that give you emotional and financial support, and the simple fact of being the leader of your life? Think too much on little things, and you'll lose track of stuff which is more important. Your thoughts ressonate in your actions, and your actions ressonate in the world. If you're having bad/negative thoughts, it's important to know that they are harmful, put an immediate stop to them and tell yourself "No good can come of this." That's what maturity is all about: The ability to rationalize your emotions and decide that fear, stress and depression can do nothing more than worry. Your thoughts are chemicals, which the brain deals with, which can heal or destroy. Almost all cancer tumours are of psychic origin, when a person has too much anxiety and depression.

About lending cash: You must treat others the way you expect to be treated. But thing is, if you feel like anyone's using you too much, then tell him/her the reasons why you don't trust him. "I'm sorry, but anytime I lend you cash, you promise and promise but that's it." etc. And it's rude to go up to someone and say "Gimme my damn money!", so forget it and learn your lesson.

What the hell is it with this "feeling that you're always doing something wrong"? Whatever happened to self-esteem? What, now you can't make mistakes, like everyone else? Nobody else looks at you that way. And if they do, it's wrong for them to. Live your life around yourself, not of what others think of you, because that's normally stuff your mind makes up. Now you'll have to choose. Are you gonna spend the rest of your life isolating yourself and just crying over it, or are you gonna stop to think? Playing too much videogames can give too much stress to the head.

And about the lies, remember that virtue and honesty are their self-rewards.

[geewj]

Your life is what you make it.

If you want something to be different, then change it.

It wont be instant or easy, but if it's something you want to happen then neither should stop you.

Don't get so ...bogged down with details and assupmtions. Things happen. You get over it, other people get over it, and the majority of the time it was never even a big deal to begin with. Assuptions and over worrying tend to blow things out of proportion.

And as for the money thing, why should her knowing you have money make any kind of difference?

for example

A guy just walks out of subway

Random guy: 'Hey, can I have a sandwich?'
Guy: 'Uhh, I guess. Go get one'
Random guy: 'No, I mean can I have your sandwich...'
Guy: 'Er, no.'
Random guy: 'Come on, I know you have one.'
Guy: 'Yeah, there is a reason I have one. I got it for me. Go get your own.'

Just have to figure out how to tell her that you don't earn money to give it away, so if she likes it so much she should get her own.

[Shiva91]

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Shiva91 on 2005-10-03 02:15 ]</font>

[Skorpius]

You want to die because you don't speak your mind?

You want to play with people, but you never ask anyone more than once. You say it in topics like this, forcing others to ask you to play, and if they don't then you make topics more like this.

People have lives too, maybe they forgot to pay you back. And as they live their lives, you sit there saying nothing about it, dwelling on it instead of reminding them to give you your money back.

Someone takes your notebook and you let them take it. You sit there feeling sorry for yourself instead of saying "Bitch, give it back."

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Skorpius on 2005-09-30 15:01 ]</font>

[Wyndham]

okay, im going to tell you this once.
youre worth more than any amount of money, and nothing could replace you.
theres a possibility going to be another human, who may very well look, act, and sound like you, but it will never be you.
if you ever give up, youre not going to help anything.
youll just make things worse.
next time, before you think anything else like this, PM me, or IM me, or whatever, ill listen.
i know its not much, but its not like i can replace your money.

[Mystil]

On 2005-09-30 08:31, ABDUR101 wrote:


Getting rid of old, abusive friends, is easy. You fade from them. You do other things, you gravitate away. Or, you speak up and tell them the issues you have with how they are and see if they acknowledge and can try to better themselves. In the end, no friends are better than bad friends.




This guy is always wise.

Shiva, you and I are the same kinda. But I'd rather not share my experiences out in public like this, I can only give advice on how to deal with it.

If you initiate everything, and your friends do not. They aren't about 'two way' friendships.

If they always want help from you but wont help you. They are using you.

This is becoming a new trend among bad friends; Telling you what you want to here, and then later they 'forget'. For example:

Me and you are going to a party saturday. I'll pick you up ^_^. Saturday comes, and you wait and wait and wait your friend is a no show, you try to call them, no avail. Sunday you find out that this friend picked other friends, and forgot all about you.

Death is not the answer. I've been down this path more than once, and after that last time, it was more than enough to make me realize, I was only letting them win.

The world is not against you. Each and everyone of us has that one person or two, who is true.

To emphasize Abdurs quote, it is better to fade from bad friends. They wont even notice it, and when you're finally fadded out, they would have already forgotten you, since you mean very little to them anyway. This is what I do now, and I have to say I have very few friends now. They don't call me, they don't email me, they don't speak to me. Before, I was the only one doing all that stuff to them.

It is no use trying to talk to them about it. They will only pull the "oblivious card". You will see them hang out with other friends, you will see them treat thier other friends, the way they should have been treating you. It hurts, but don't hold onto them, even if you have good memories with them in the past.

[T0m]

Hey there Alicia,
In most of the replies there is stuff I agree with. So I won't repeat what all others have said. - This does painfully include Skorps reply as well.
Anyway, try to look at the things you do have. See the friends that are willing to be there for you. And don't focus on the bad things. I know from experience that doing so can get you in a downward spiral.

For Uriko, it is true that not telling your real name is smart. But when you say that name you made up, is the real one. And asking real names from others, cause you "told" yours. Then I would say that's not the right thing to do. But Alicia has expressed regrets for that already, so that's alright.

It's good that you've resolved to be honest now. And remember that true friends won't mind if you say the truth, instead of telling what you think they want to hear http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_smile.gif