My respect for you is waning [Archive]

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Allos

Dec 19, 2005, 09:27 PM

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Rion772

Dec 19, 2005, 09:45 PM

On 2005-12-19 18:27, Allos wrote:
I'll make this short and sweet.

A good friend of mine has been pissing me off lately. Her ex-bf was using her to have sex with her. After a one time deal, he breaks off and she's a wreck. Allos to the rescue. A month later he does it again. She's an even bigger wreck, calling herself stupid for letting it happen again. I tell her that I tried to warn her against it happening, but she wouldn't listen to me. She tells me she's sorry and she won't let it happen again.

I even had a talk with the said asshole (a wannabe thug embracing his "Itallion" as he spells it heritage). He agrees that he doesn't want her to feel bad again because he told her he didn't want a relationship both times and he thought she understood. I asked her later if he said this...she said he did. My respect for her lessens.

Regardless, I fear she's letting herself go down the bad road again. She's back to her obsessing over the guy. She admits that he's an ass to her...but she also says something else, something completely moronic.

"I think he really likes me and those other girls mean nothing to him, not even his girlfriend."

Honestly, that's totally saying fuck you to me. She told me to stop it from happening again (and I don't think the sex part will). But dear god...move on and stop being so fucking blind. The guy used you for sex...TWICE. He's said to you over and over he doesn't want a relationship with you, you've admitted that to me. So what gives???

She must be very dumb. If you really care for her as a friend as much as it sounds or whatever you should stop this BS from happening again. That or let her get hurt again and again until the fool learns her lesson. You shouldn't start losing your respect for her, lust and love can change one beyond recognition. It can also mess with you, just help her however you can, if you have to tell the guy if he has anything to do with her again you'll bust his "snot-box" or something go for it.

opaopajr

Dec 20, 2005, 11:44 PM

as you grow up you learn very fast not to get involved in such insanity. sometimes some people need to fall on their ass *hard* and with no one to pick them up before they can learn. walk away and watch from a distance; she comes crying back again, hand her a tissue and say, "hmm, what a surprise... best of luck with that. let me know when you got your shit together." for some, there really is no other way.

ps: you are being used as the emotional band-aid *or* being used as a puppet in a part of a very elaborate self-made soap opera to justify her sad little life. this will only get worse. learn to grow out of this cycle now.

KaFKa

Dec 21, 2005, 03:35 PM

I'll just say it.

The girl is fucking insane. Take her to a professional or something.

...Or, take a step back and watch her spiral down into self-destruction. Wichever suits your level of sadism.

Rion772

Dec 21, 2005, 03:49 PM

On 2005-12-21 12:35, KaFKa wrote:
I'll just say it.

The girl is fucking insane. Take her to a professional or something.

...Or, take a step back and watch her spiral down into self-destruction. Wichever suits your level of sadism.

Not insane, just fucking stupid.

KaFKa

Dec 22, 2005, 08:26 AM

On 2005-12-21 12:49, Rion772 wrote:
Not insane, just fucking stupid.

No, insane. Assuming this is all in earnest and not some overdramaticized soap-opera she is bordering on clinically insane.

Dangerous55

Dec 22, 2005, 02:40 PM

She isnt insane, she is JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL ON THE PLANET.

Shigecki

Dec 22, 2005, 02:42 PM

KaFKa is right. The definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

This is the kind of thing that happens all the time. For the most part, women say they want the nice guy, but always fall for the asshole (I'm being very general here, not talking about anyone particular, no offense intended.) and it sounds like she's not the exception.

If this keeps happening, don't make any threats like you're not going to be her friend anymore, or tell her she's stupid. This usually doesn't help, and will probably just isolate you from her.

Sounds like all she wants to hear is she's right, this guy wants her back.

[ This Message was edited by: Shigecki on 2005-12-22 11:43 ]

hollowtip

Dec 22, 2005, 04:12 PM

I have mixed feelings on this subject. It's obvious that she's in love with this guy and love can make you do a lot of crazy things, but she needs to just look at the facts.

The guy is not interested in commitment. He's cheating on his so called girlfriend, and made it apparent that he's not interested in getting back with your friend.

In my opinion, this is a typical example of how men and women's thought processes differ so much. The guy knows exactly what to say to get in her pants but tells her outright that he is not interested in anything more than sex, putting full responsibility on your friend if she continues to hold onto hope for something more.

While he isn't being very ethical with his actions, I have little sympathy for your friend. I have been in love myself and went through an emotional rollercoaster for quite some time (but with a lot of moral differences) and people have already said it. She's going to have to learn about this herself, it's impossible to convince the feeling of love.

Time is the only remedy to her problems. If she's depressed, the only advice she will be willing to listen to is positive advice. But a common misconception in society is that people who truly love someone will "get over" the other person over time. As a person who has experienced a breakup in a long term relationship, I guarantee that I will NEVER "get over" my ex. For me, as time has gone by, it has become easier and easier to deal with, but my feelings will always be the same for her. I can love someone else, but nothing can ever replace her.

So I guess what I'm getting at is this:

Just tell her that right now is not a good time for her to be talking with him. He obviously has his interests directed elsewhere, and she needs to just leave him alone for the time being. If she decides to pursue something later on, that's her decision, and his feelings could change later on, but right now she should be concentrating on other things.

[ This Message was edited by: hollowtip on 2005-12-22 13:15 ]

Blue-Hawk

Dec 23, 2005, 10:46 AM

Think of the old, tried and true phrase. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

trypticon

Dec 24, 2005, 12:59 PM

Lots of good replies in this thread already. Your friend is a typcial female, get used to it.

rena-ko

Dec 24, 2005, 03:18 PM

she's a little girl that doesnt want to grow up. living in a fantasy world where everything turns out like she imagines it...
maybe she will understand on her own one day but until then there's only one thing you can do to help her: dont support her - instead tell her that she's inviting it to happen. it always takes two.

and really, who are you, her saviour? she wont pay you back or even thank you. youre just a stepping stone for her which she's using to fell less miserable.

Daikarin

Dec 29, 2005, 07:14 AM

That's something you see more and more. Good guys finishing last. I don't know if they appreciate being treated like trash, but I've had some girls I knew with the same problem. I've been discussing with some friends of mine and it seems some most girls don't fancy to date someone too friendly, who is always kind and answers all her needs. They prefer to call someone like that their "Special friend". I've had a lot of my good companions deal with that shit, even myself once or twice. That makes me sick. I'm beggining to think they DO prefer to be treated like an object, and like a worthless one too.

Let that friend of yours do what she wants. It sure sucks, I mean, if she is your friend and all, but in the end, it's up to her. Who cares, anyway.

[ This Message was edited by: Daikarin on 2005-12-29 04:15 ]

Jehosaphaty

Dec 29, 2005, 11:04 AM

nice is relative. people go after what challenges them, what they cant have. nice doesnt have anything to do with it. generalizing that "most" girls want the "bad" guys simply means you havent found the "right" girls.

Daikarin

Dec 31, 2005, 08:30 AM

On 2005-12-29 08:04, Jehosaphaty wrote:
nice is relative. people go after what challenges them, what they cant have. nice doesnt have anything to do with it. generalizing that "most" girls want the "bad" guys simply means you havent found the "right" girls.

Did I ever say "All women are alike"? No, I said that's something you see more and more. I'm not so square-minded to see things in either black or white. I meant "nice" as "too friendly". Of course there are also those who appreciate that quality, I'm just referring to those who don't.

Charmander02

Jan 3, 2006, 08:25 PM

wow this guy sounds like a real shit head, this kinda thing happened with me and my ex-gf, when she went out with a guy that was obviusly using her. Everybody knew it exept for her and now she's still going out with him for the fourth time! Damn you think a girl would learn her lesson. As for you and your friend just tell her that this guy is an ass and to not mess around him n e more. Thats all you can really do unless you kick the guys ass or somthing.

[ This Message was edited by: Charmander02 on 2006-01-03 17:27 ]

Allos

Jan 4, 2006, 04:08 PM

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Maridia

Jan 4, 2006, 05:12 PM

Allos, let her do what she wants. She's obviously your typical girl who doesn't think things through or want to see the reality of the situation. You've done what you can, let her do her own thing now. You're only going to make this harder for yourself if you keep getting involved.

As for the nice guys finishing last, and the girls only wanting "bad" boys thing, you're all sort of missing the big thing with most girls. They don't want BAD men. They want badass men. The key is to find balance. A guy who's strong and forceful and a little naughty and in your face, who still is a good guy at heart and knows how to treat them right. Girls don't want a "bad" boy who treats them like shit. They want a nice guy with a badass streak. It's all about balance. Show her (whoever your "her" may be) that you're a nice guy who can be a little bad sometimes http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

Allos

Jan 4, 2006, 06:16 PM

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PIT

Jan 5, 2006, 02:08 PM

tell her, that it's worse, then if he pays her for it. the only difference is that she's not getting cash for it http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

that's just pure bitching.

if she won't get that, just let her go down all the way to suicide.

Jehosaphaty

Jan 6, 2006, 04:06 PM

geewj

Jan 6, 2006, 04:14 PM

On 2006-01-04 14:12, Maridia wrote:
Allos, let her do what she wants. She's obviously your typical girl who doesn't think things through or want to see the reality of the situation. You've done what you can, let her do her own thing now. You're only going to make this harder for yourself if you keep getting involved.

As for the nice guys finishing last, and the girls only wanting "bad" boys thing, you're all sort of missing the big thing with most girls. They don't want BAD men. They want badass men. The key is to find balance. A guy who's strong and forceful and a little naughty and in your face, who still is a good guy at heart and knows how to treat them right. Girls don't want a "bad" boy who treats them like shit. They want a nice guy with a badass streak. It's all about balance. Show her (whoever your "her" may be) that you're a nice guy who can be a little bad sometimes http://pso-world.com/images/phpbb/icons/smiles/icon_razz.gif

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0972048995/104-5541736-9895154?v=glance&n=283155

It's a good, funny, and informative book. I recommend it to everyone. Guys and girls.

StormShadow11

Jan 11, 2006, 02:34 PM

On 2005-12-22 11:40, Dangerous55 wrote:
She isn't insane, she is JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL ON THE PLANET.

Ha, I knew you'd be in here somewhere.

He's right. I've witnessed this with 80% of my female friends, and have consoled almost the same amount. As for stopping them, you can't. Unless you're physically there at the exact time, and physically, with your fists or a weapon, prevent them from interacting, you can't stop them. It's the way *most* girls are. So my suggestion is to have a final talk, throw your politeness to the wind (which isn't an easy thing for me to do, I'm generally a nice person) and let loose on her for her own good.

Worse comes to worse, tell her you've heard from his ex that he's diseased.

Allos

Jan 11, 2006, 04:00 PM

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Maridia

Jan 11, 2006, 05:31 PM

Holy shit. Call the emo police. This girl needs a lot of help, and should probably get some major therapy if she's getting that bad. ;/

Allos

Jan 11, 2006, 08:11 PM

_______

opaopajr

Jan 12, 2006, 01:21 AM

hmm, attempted suicide plea for help. so the drama has ramped itself up considerably... *yawn* that's nice dear. unsurprising, but at least professional authorities are on the case. you can now step back in peace and let the situation flow. it is out of your hands now, thankfully.

when crazy comes up your way when walking down the road of life... cross the road to the other side to stay away! and now you know why. could've been sucked in even deeper in this whole pageant of sorrows, and that wouldn't have been much fun, now would it.

PIT

Jan 12, 2006, 02:50 AM

cutting veins isn't for me. i'd rather stab myself with a knife. my dad has really nice butcher knives... everything seems like i'm gonna use 'em soon -_-'

Rainbowlemon

Jan 12, 2006, 09:15 AM

On 2005-12-20 20:44, opaopajr wrote:
as you grow up you learn very fast not to get involved in such insanity. sometimes some people need to fall on their ass *hard* and with no one to pick them up before they can learn. walk away and watch from a distance; she comes crying back again, hand her a tissue and say, "hmm, what a surprise... best of luck with that. let me know when you got your shit together." for some, there really is no other way.

ps: you are being used as the emotional band-aid *or* being used as a puppet in a part of a very elaborate self-made soap opera to justify her sad little life. this will only get worse. learn to grow out of this cycle now.

I entirely agree. She seems to be using you as a means to justify what she's doing...and getting quite confused in the process. I'm sure you're familiar with "tough love"...being a true friend to this person would be stepping back and let her realise her mistakes and cope with it herself. She's not going to learn anything if you try and learn it for her...

Anyone so emotionally confused cannot be persuaded or dissuaded by an "outsider" as it will (to use the term loosly)...you may find this cycle goes on for a long time until she figures out how to resolve the situation herself.

Saying that, don't let her think you're just abandoning her...just don't tell her you'll be there if she's upset, because you'll just be used as emotional backup.

In any case, like Opa said, its quite a drama she's trying to cook up...having experienced almost two years with a girl mentally identical to this, I can see how you feel...her charade may appear so convincing, and she's even going as far as to cut herself, but don't give in. She will learn herself, especially if she's getting professional help...that will hopefully give her a kick in the right direction.

[ This Message was edited by: Antimony on 2006-01-12 06:21 ]

Jehosaphaty

Jan 12, 2006, 01:24 PM

On 2006-01-11 23:50, PIT wrote:
cutting veins isn't for me. i'd rather stab myself with a knife. my dad has really nice butcher knives... everything seems like i'm gonna use 'em soon -_-'

i could be going out on a limb here, but this is the second post of yours that really has no place in this thread: suggesting to let said girl go to suicide and then making a lame joke about it. were all amused.

Shigecki

Jan 12, 2006, 03:38 PM

On 2006-01-04 14:12, Maridia wrote:

As for the nice guys finishing last, and the girls only wanting "bad" boys thing, you're all sort of missing the big thing with most girls. They don't want BAD men. They want badass men. The key is to find balance. A guy who's strong and forceful and a little naughty and in your face, who still is a good guy at heart and knows how to treat them right. Girls don't want a "bad" boy who treats them like shit. They want a nice guy with a badass streak. It's all about balance. Show her (whoever your "her" may be) that you're a nice guy who can be a little bad sometimes

Chris Rock said it best. The difference between men and women. Men only want 3 things from a relationship, feed me, fuck me, and leave me the fuck alone. While women just want one thing.........EVERYTHING!

Back on topic. Sorry to hear that your friend felt killing herself was her only option. It buggs me to think that at a young age a person feels that "this" is their only chance at love. Unfortunatly, there will be more heartaches to come. Control is a one way street. There is no way to control anything but how one reacts to any situtation.

Hope she gets help and gets better.

Charmander02

Jan 12, 2006, 08:44 PM

Well there is another thing i can reccomend....tell her to go to church! Church and reading the bible really help. And im not trying to sound like a preacher or anything but man that bible of mine seems to have answers for anything!Or you could just watch her slowly spiral down a road to hell. Whatever works for you.

PIT

Jan 13, 2006, 11:51 AM

On 2006-01-12 10:24, Jehosaphaty wrote:

On 2006-01-11 23:50, PIT wrote:
cutting veins isn't for me. i'd rather stab myself with a knife. my dad has really nice butcher knives... everything seems like i'm gonna use 'em soon -_-'

i could be going out on a limb here, but this is the second post of yours that really has no place in this thread: suggesting to let said girl go to suicide and then making a lame joke about it. were all amused.

actually - i really wanted to do it, i was so fu<king pissed... but doesn't matter now, what happened, will not un-happen.