Sock
Jan 5, 2006, 01:12 AM
Hey. People tell me I'm funny, I tell them they're just saying that because they think I'll beat them up if they don't tell me I'm funny. Then they laugh nervously. Anyway, I'd like to do some stand up, but all the places around me are 21+, and I am not 21. So, here's some of my stuff.
I would rather get hit by a car, than have a beverage thrown at me. If I get hit by a car, my friends'll ask 'Man, are you ok?', but if you get hit by a beverage, they just laugh at you.
These commercials where some guy buys a car for his wife, or girlfriend or whatever piss me off. They always show her happy and shit with the new car, but they never show them five months later going bankrupt trying to pay for it, and arguing with each other every second of the day because of it.
I like to sit on the outside of booths when I go to restaurants, that way I get to fuck with people if they want to get out.
If you're a Jehonva's Witness it must be really hard to tell a 'knock knock' joke to your friends.
If you were an insomniac, and homeless, that'd suck. Even if you're homless, you can still sleep. But if you're an insomniac, you gotta stay awake through it all.
I think the definition for joke in the dictionary should be of some totally unrelated word. You look it up, and it says "Joke: The tempature at which water boils".
My friends don't let me hang out at their place much. I'll tell them "I'm bored, let's go do something", and then they won't want to do anything, so I'll go on their roof, and throw some shit off it.
I think they should teach kids in school that suicide is the answer, that way all the dumb ones will weed themselves out.
There was this cat, it came up to me, and started rubbing this table leg, and it got all happy and shit. I was gonna pet you cat, but you like that table leg more than me.
I thought about being a vegetarian, but I realized that was a bad idea when I got hungry.
There's a Christmas tree in my house, and now my house smells like a pine tree. I keep thikin' a bear's gonna attack me, or somethin'. I'm walkin' around the house wearing an orange vest so no one shoots me thinkin' I'm yeti. (I haven't gotten a haircut in three years, and I haven't shaved my face in about three months)
All my friends who are like 16 years old are way more mature than me. But at least I can beat them up.
That's all I can think of right now.
I would rather get hit by a car, than have a beverage thrown at me. If I get hit by a car, my friends'll ask 'Man, are you ok?', but if you get hit by a beverage, they just laugh at you.
These commercials where some guy buys a car for his wife, or girlfriend or whatever piss me off. They always show her happy and shit with the new car, but they never show them five months later going bankrupt trying to pay for it, and arguing with each other every second of the day because of it.
I like to sit on the outside of booths when I go to restaurants, that way I get to fuck with people if they want to get out.
If you're a Jehonva's Witness it must be really hard to tell a 'knock knock' joke to your friends.
If you were an insomniac, and homeless, that'd suck. Even if you're homless, you can still sleep. But if you're an insomniac, you gotta stay awake through it all.
I think the definition for joke in the dictionary should be of some totally unrelated word. You look it up, and it says "Joke: The tempature at which water boils".
My friends don't let me hang out at their place much. I'll tell them "I'm bored, let's go do something", and then they won't want to do anything, so I'll go on their roof, and throw some shit off it.
I think they should teach kids in school that suicide is the answer, that way all the dumb ones will weed themselves out.
There was this cat, it came up to me, and started rubbing this table leg, and it got all happy and shit. I was gonna pet you cat, but you like that table leg more than me.
I thought about being a vegetarian, but I realized that was a bad idea when I got hungry.
There's a Christmas tree in my house, and now my house smells like a pine tree. I keep thikin' a bear's gonna attack me, or somethin'. I'm walkin' around the house wearing an orange vest so no one shoots me thinkin' I'm yeti. (I haven't gotten a haircut in three years, and I haven't shaved my face in about three months)
All my friends who are like 16 years old are way more mature than me. But at least I can beat them up.
That's all I can think of right now.