HAYABUSA-FMW-
Jan 25, 2006, 03:45 AM
You wanna leave me alone?
How about now?
No, not yet, how about now?
Yeah I'm a failure in life to you.
Cool. Am I living my life for you or something?
So what I don't have any friends, how about you go hang out with your friends instead of telling me how I don't have any.
When I did have friends you made fun of them, now that I don't and don't seem to want any from now on, you make fun of me also.
So its a win win for me isn't it? You'll make fun of me either way, so why even bother. Don't you have better things to do?
No phone calls, no leaving home for stupid get togethers, nothing. And the problem is? Its not a problem unless someone else makes it one.
I hate seeing someone in public who knows me from somewhere or on a first name basis or whatever.
The last person who did, I failed simple conversation twice.
I failed to recongnize the person when he said a simple "what's up?" to me and asked him if this movie was coming in this week since it was sold out, not knowing who he was. Later I talk to him as he rings up something for me and did recognize him, but felt it was embarassing to not recongnize 'em the first time.
See em again in a shopping mall. Again, fail.
Hey what's up, you're working here now too? We'll that's cool, you have to do what you have to do, working two jobs to get the money you need right?
(He said something while I was mumbling that nonsense up there, but I didn't hear it. So I lost the conversation from there.)
And here you work on a, what's that called, uh, the more you sell the more you make? ... Uh.
He hurries me along knowing this conversation isn't going anywhere: Well I'll see you around then, all right?
15 minutes later, I realize I was trying to find the word comission, working on a comission. Gawd I suck, I bet I spelled it wrong too.
So yeah, I have my problems with communicating and usually mimic how people talk to me, rather than talk the same way to everyone I meet.
Pretty darned confusing and being a mimic shows what kind of empty personality I have. But these stupid self diagnosing-long-ass-rant writing things don't work.
They come off as EMO, RETARDED, A WASTE of TIME and SPACE.
Used as fire to fuel someone's ill will towards me. Examples of how emo or stupid I am.
Why can't I get over the stupid notion of acceptance by others?
Being a loner never helped anyone do anything but go insane sure. I'm probably already there. Trust and getting along and whatever else you need to have friends, I don't have. I don't fit into any specific groups I would know about. Or know who to talk to, about what, or why. I don't fit into some magic box and get placed in a group and get along. Nothing works like that.
So frustration ensues when I stop to think about this crap, and putting it out of my mind takes some effort- but helps me worry less about such nonsense and focus on things I should be focusing on.
How about now?
No, not yet, how about now?
Yeah I'm a failure in life to you.
Cool. Am I living my life for you or something?
So what I don't have any friends, how about you go hang out with your friends instead of telling me how I don't have any.
When I did have friends you made fun of them, now that I don't and don't seem to want any from now on, you make fun of me also.
So its a win win for me isn't it? You'll make fun of me either way, so why even bother. Don't you have better things to do?
No phone calls, no leaving home for stupid get togethers, nothing. And the problem is? Its not a problem unless someone else makes it one.
I hate seeing someone in public who knows me from somewhere or on a first name basis or whatever.
The last person who did, I failed simple conversation twice.
I failed to recongnize the person when he said a simple "what's up?" to me and asked him if this movie was coming in this week since it was sold out, not knowing who he was. Later I talk to him as he rings up something for me and did recognize him, but felt it was embarassing to not recongnize 'em the first time.
See em again in a shopping mall. Again, fail.
Hey what's up, you're working here now too? We'll that's cool, you have to do what you have to do, working two jobs to get the money you need right?
(He said something while I was mumbling that nonsense up there, but I didn't hear it. So I lost the conversation from there.)
And here you work on a, what's that called, uh, the more you sell the more you make? ... Uh.
He hurries me along knowing this conversation isn't going anywhere: Well I'll see you around then, all right?
15 minutes later, I realize I was trying to find the word comission, working on a comission. Gawd I suck, I bet I spelled it wrong too.
So yeah, I have my problems with communicating and usually mimic how people talk to me, rather than talk the same way to everyone I meet.
Pretty darned confusing and being a mimic shows what kind of empty personality I have. But these stupid self diagnosing-long-ass-rant writing things don't work.
They come off as EMO, RETARDED, A WASTE of TIME and SPACE.
Used as fire to fuel someone's ill will towards me. Examples of how emo or stupid I am.
Why can't I get over the stupid notion of acceptance by others?
Being a loner never helped anyone do anything but go insane sure. I'm probably already there. Trust and getting along and whatever else you need to have friends, I don't have. I don't fit into any specific groups I would know about. Or know who to talk to, about what, or why. I don't fit into some magic box and get placed in a group and get along. Nothing works like that.
So frustration ensues when I stop to think about this crap, and putting it out of my mind takes some effort- but helps me worry less about such nonsense and focus on things I should be focusing on.