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DonRoyale
Mar 4, 2006, 11:20 PM
Meh.

This is my first PSO fic, so please be nice when commenting.

--

RAcast's Log. Star date unknown. Location: Ragol. It has been three weeks since I joined up with the two Hunters that saved my life. I can remember it very well...

"Well, we're stocked. Ready to go?" Shadow, the FOmar, looked excitedly at Jaysky, the HUmar.

"Hmph, fine. Let's go. Hopefully we don't get another Club or something else we don't need..." Jaysky headed over to the teleportal. Both enetered and warped down to the forest of Ragol.

"Well, we're here. Seems Pioneer 1 was gracious enough to leave some stuff behind." Shadow went up to the boxes, carefully opened them, and took all the Meseta. He threw some Monomates to Jaysky, since he new Jay would rather use them to heal over using Resta.

"Thanks." The HUmar looked over Shadow's head. A Booma was approaching him silently. Apparently Shadow didn't notice, but by the time he lined up his shot for his H&25 Justice, Shadow's Grants had already dirtied Shadow's robes with the Booma's red blood. Shadow and Jaysky inspected the body to see if either arms were intact, or if it was holding any items it had previously obtained from weak Hunters. Apparently it was holding a Monofluid. Jaysky gave it to Shadow and the two continued on.

"Well, here's the welcoming party." Shadow looked ahead. A group of Wolves were asleep, with ears suspended high in the air. The Wolves' enhanced sense of hearing could hear even a pindrop. "Think they're asleep?" Shadow pulled out a Rappy Fan.

Jasyky, meanwhile, took out Yamato. "Nah..." The two rushed in the room. As Shadow predicted, they were indeed wide awake. They sprung immediately into action, quickly surrounding Jay. Through the roars of the wolves, Jaysky could hear a distant "Got ya covered." As soon as Jaysky lifted his blades to stab the Wolf and cut its head off, Shadow had released a Rappy feather from his fan, which proceeded to slice through the bodies of the Wolves.

"Ya know...You're usually the one with a lot of kills."

"Meh...Wait until I really try..."

"Hahahaha...You say that now..."

"....Let's get going."

Shadow and Jay proceeded to check the bodies of the WOlves for any good items. Nothing worth much, so the two moved on. They entered a room with a Monest, who proceeded to spit out five Mothmants. The Mothmants charged at the two.

"Got em?"

"Yup." Shadow threw another feather from his Rappy Fan, which sliced all the Mothmants in half. The Monest knew it had to spit out more, but before it could, it was feeling a cold chill down its spine as Jaysky's Yamato froze it. Jaysky's barrage of freezing slashes was too much for the Monest to bear, and it died under the pressure.

"Apparently it dropped something good." Shadow inspected the body, and found a red box. He opened it anxiously to find a Club Of Laconium.

NOTE: Don't put logical DR's into this. This is not 100% accurate to everything in PSO.

"Damn, another Club..."

"May I?"

"Go right ahead."

Shadow threw the worthless cane high in the air, then stuck it with Zonde. The two laughed for a brief period of time, and continued on.

As the two walked to the next room, a strange voice called out to Shadow. It said, "H-Help....M-m-meee........."

"Did you hear that?"

Jay stopped, and looked at Shadow. "Hmm? Hear what? I didn't hear anything. Let's go."

"Hmm...OK...Must've been something in my head..."

Wierd, what was that? I swear I heard a voice talking to me just now....

Regardless, the two moved on. They saw a strange sight in the next room. A pink HUcaseal sporting a Sniper was being harrassed by a pack of Barbarous Wolves. The two rushed in, eager to help out this poor girl.

"I got 'em!" Shadow released yet another feather from his Fan, but managed only to kill one Wolf. The others noticed their prescence, and the leader sent three of the wolves to take care of the two interlopers.

"Got em?"

"Yeah, you go save her." Shadow ran right towards one of the Wolves. The Wolf lunged at him, but the ice-cold blade of the Yamato met the Wolf's neck before the Wolf's teeth met Shadow's neck. Shadow, still running towards the pack of wolves surrounding the RAcaseal, switched to his Hildeblue Cane, and casted Barta, which froze two of the seven wolves surrounding her. Two of the other wolves took action and charged at Shadow. The horns of the Hildeblue turned out to be a force to be reckoned with as one tore a deep scar in one of the Wolves' face. The Wolf howled, and he and the rest of the pack retreated.

"You okay, miss?" Shadow extended his hand to the badly injured RAcaseal.

"Ungh, I can't stand up..."

"Don't worry, miss, leave that to me!" Shadow put his hands together. A blue aura was forming around his hands. He shot the aura at the ground, and the wounds on the three Hunters insantly disappeared.

"Unh..Thanks, mister..."

"Shadow."

"And I'm Jaysky, or Jay for short..."

"Thank you two! I don't know what I would do without you! I'm Elenor Montague."

"Montague?" Apparently Elenor's last name struck a chord for Jay.

"Yes, Jay, that's the last name of my creator, Jean Carlo Montague."

"The Dr. Montague?!"

"Yes, Jay, he's a top FOnewm scientist for the government, as well as a skilled blacksmith."

Shadow suddenly remebered. "Blacksmith? That's right! He's the one who crafted my best weapons!"

"Ah, yes. The Doctor says you're his favourite customer."

"Well, moving on, Elenor....Why are you here?" Jaysky knew that Elenor was here because Montague had sent her for an assignment.

"I'm here on assignment from the Doctor. He wants me to find an android similar to me. GD-003, code name EDDIE."

"Hmm..Well, how about we help you find him? I'm sure we can accomplish you goal faster if we work together."

"That's great! I could use the help!" With that, the three continued on to the next room.

"Finally....I was beginning to think I'd run out again..." Shadow had noticed a gang of Rappies up ahead. "Jay? Elenor?"

Elenor raised her rifle, and Jay prepared Zonde. "Got it.", the two said at the same time, and as the confused and injured Rappies ran away, Shadow scoured the immediate area for feathers. He found 30, and loaded the Rappy Fan with them. The three found a teleportal.

"Strange...According to the Doctor's intelligence reports, there shouldn't be a teleportal here...."

"H-Help me...They.....Evolve...."

"UNGH!" Shadow collapsed and put his hand up to his head.

Jay looked at Shadow worriedly. "Are you okay?"

Shadow got up, ran for the teleportal, and went through it, all without saying a word. Jay and Elenor chased after him.

--

So, what do you think?

God, I love making cliffhangers in my stories...

Until the next chapter,
~Serene



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: SereneShadows on 2006-03-04 20:22 ]</font>

ZaiV2
Mar 5, 2006, 12:41 PM
Well, it's a good start. It has some grammatical errors, though, and unless you intentionally wrote it that way, there's not really a lot of direct characterization. You should try giving the reader a better picture of the characters so that the reader can visualize what's going on better. Otherwise, the cliffhanger put a hook in me; I'll be sure to check in on this thread now and then.

DonRoyale
Mar 5, 2006, 02:48 PM
Do you think this type of format is better?

Jay:Blah.

Elenor (blahing): Blah blah.

Shadow: Blah blah blah. *blah*

...Of course, replacing all the blah's with actual text.

What do you think?