FanFic: Reaper; Prologue

[Absol197]

The prologue begins with what Neptune (soon to be known as Reaper, you'll see why...) is hearing while being grown , which is why the beginning is slightly weird. There is more to come, and any advice would be appreciated.

So, without further ado...





Beep…beep…beep…beep…

“Vital signs are stable, captain.”
“Good, good! The first one to get this far since N-317! Commence operation three two…

* * *

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

“Amazing! His system has accepted the mutation better than ever expected! It appears human DNA can withstand the energies much better than newman’s.”
“I don’t know about this, Olo. Are you sure this is…”
“Oh come now Absól! We’ve taken all the best…”

* * *

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

“Final transfusion completed sir! Vital signs remain stable!”
“At last! We’ve finally done…”
Beep…beep..beep, beep, beep beep beep beep beepbeepbeepbeepbeep
“What in the hell is going on?”
“The D-cellular DNA infusion is being rejected! Vital functions failing…”
“NO! We’re not going to lose this one! Not when we’ve come so close! I want…”
“Sir, mental activity detected! Massive amounts of psychic energy! Sir, he’s waking up!”
The figure inside the large glass cylinder writhed and twisted. The strange orange glow from the liquid it was suspended in cast dancing shadows across the darkened room.
Suddenly, with a loud bang, the glass shattered as a swirl of fire erupted out from the figure. As the roar of the flames diminished, the lingering cry of a male voice could be heard.
The last tongues of fire and plumes of smoke dissipated, and in the remnants of the shattered tube lay a man, naked, grasping his head in his hands and screaming as though in intense pain.
“Well, Absól,” Olo said to the tall, thin newman standing next to him, “it seems that Project Neptune is a success.”
“No Olo,” Absól replied, his voice barely a whisper but carrying immense power, “it was not a success.”
Olo looked at Absól quizzically for a moment, then, turning to a nurse who stood beside him, said “Get him up, get him some clothes, and take him to the medical room so we can stabilize his vitals.”
“Yes doctor!” she replied, and hurried over to the prostrate form in the center of the room. “Neptune, come with me." she said, gently grasping his arm.
Without even an utterance of pain or surprise, the nurse fell in a heap onto the floor.
“What the devil! Get her up, and get him to the medical facilities!” Olo shouted at the mass of doctors and scientists standing around him. Several immediately rushed forward, some heading towards the inert nurse, others towards the man still writhing on the floor.
“She’s cold as ice!” One doctor reported as he touched the nurse’s hand. “No pulse…” he took out a device from his scrubs and passed it over her. He paused as he read the readout. Then, in a shaky voice he said “She…she’s dead!”
Just at that moment, one of the scientists that had been helping the man to his feet collapsed. The loss of support caused the other three carrying him to fall down. Only two struggled to get back up.
“What happened?!” Olo shouted.
“He’s dead too!”
“Reed as well!”
“As I said, Olo,” Absól whispered. “Project Neptune was not a success.”




<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Absol197 on 2006-06-05 22:11 ]</font>

[CupOfCoffee]

Haha, yesss. Keep going. It may seem pointless at times because fanfics in general rarely ever get many replies these days (it's caused me to abandon the posting of more than one... >_<), but just know that people actually are reading it.

The story itself is pretty good--a little generic seeming at this point, but your descriptions of the people dying were just right. A little subtle and not over the top like "then her head exploded in a watery cascade of crimson parts, splattering all over everyone in attendance." Haha. I mean, that stuff can be entertaining, but only in the right place. You seem to have a good grasp on writing restraint, for lack of a better phrase.

*thumbs up*

[Absol197]

Thanks. I was getting kinda disappointed that no one had responded. Rest assured that I'm continuing. I have it all written down in a notebook, but the problem is typing it. I type slower than snails crawl, and most of the chapters are really long.

[HUnewearl_Meira]

Stickied.

[Absol197]

Ummm...Could you tell me what it means for something to be Stickied? I'm increadibly computed-illiterate.

[HUnewearl_Meira]

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e358/VanGarrett/StickiesExplained.gif

[Absol197]

I apologize for this, but as my friend Chad says often I have a talent for missing the obvious: is being stickied a good thing or a bad thing?

[CupOfCoffee]

It's good. Sometimes I think people kind of just subconsciously ignore the stickies no matter what board they're on and instantly look to the topics under them for new stuff as soon as they get to the board, but not everyone does that.

[Absol197]

I remain confused, but don't worry about it. New question: I'm almost finished typing chapter 1 (expect it in about three weeks. Yes, I am that slow at typing), so when I'm done, should I put it here or start a "New Topic"?
This topic's name says prologue, and Ch. 1 isn't part of the prologue, but...I don't know. I wasn't expecting to be stickied.

[HUnewearl_Meira]

I sticky a new fan fiction every week (or so) to draw attention to it. I usually look for something on the first page that I feel either needs more replies, or maybe it's just outstanding work and I feel it deserves a little fame.

As for where to put your next installment, think about it like this: 1 Fan Fiction = 1 Topic. Therefore, Chapter 1 goes here, as will Chapter 2, Chapter 3, and so on. For your convenience, your posts have an "Edit" button beneath them. By using this button on the post with which you began this thread, you can update the the thread's title to reflect your most recent chapter posting.