CupOfCoffee
Nov 29, 2006, 12:42 PM
The title says it all, I suppose. Some of you may remember one of the first posts I made under this name (yes, I was a different PSOW member before CupOfCoffee's join date... who? Why, that's a mystery!). The rant was called something like "I am Typical Clueless Male," and it was about my experiences with a girl. At the time, I still sort of considered her a half-friend. Now, though, she's nothing more than a bottom feeding jackal to me, and she's done nothing since the time I posted that first rant. In fact, I've barely even heard from her since then, and all correspondences were positive. So why do I still turn my nose up in disgust when I think about her? Probably the main thing was she never apologized for a lot of the nasty things she said to me, but still, I feel like most people would've stopped caring at this point. (This is not to say that I frequently think about this girl or feel mad about what happened--in fact, it just floated through my head for the first time in months this morning and I sort of laughed and said to myself, "What a tool." Then I realized that maybe it's unhealthy to still think of her as a tool after all this time. Hmmm.)
It's not just an isolated incident, either. Even here on the light-hearted and cosmically insignificant PSOW, I hold these longstanding grudges against random forum posters I've never met and in some cases haven't even ever posted or messaged to. It's kind of strange and I guess I'm glad it's a side of my personality that most people never see, because I'd say a good 90% of the time, I'm an extremely happy, care free, laid back individual who's never too busy to get a cup of coffee (haw haw) or watch a movie with a friend in need or even someone who's just bored. Maybe that's just it--the negativity that every person experiences to a certain extent just gets focused on these people I don't like and gets stronger and stronger because I'm normally so good natured? Maybe that's crazy speak and they'd put me in a padded cell if they ever saw this post. Or maybe I'm making a big deal outta nothin', and that's a bigger problem than anything. Haha.
Well, the bottom line is that I don't like this. I'm into the whole self-improvement thing and in the past year alone I've changed and grown up so much, and I think most of my old acquaintances wouldn't even recognize me as the same person they once knew, and that's a good thing. I've changed a lot for the better. But this little darkness is still hanging on and I wish it was something I could learn to escape, because forgiveness is swell. Hmm. Maybe someday I'll have another life-changing event or two and none of this will matter. Or maybe I just need to read more.
*cracks open The Little Prince*
G'day, all.
It's not just an isolated incident, either. Even here on the light-hearted and cosmically insignificant PSOW, I hold these longstanding grudges against random forum posters I've never met and in some cases haven't even ever posted or messaged to. It's kind of strange and I guess I'm glad it's a side of my personality that most people never see, because I'd say a good 90% of the time, I'm an extremely happy, care free, laid back individual who's never too busy to get a cup of coffee (haw haw) or watch a movie with a friend in need or even someone who's just bored. Maybe that's just it--the negativity that every person experiences to a certain extent just gets focused on these people I don't like and gets stronger and stronger because I'm normally so good natured? Maybe that's crazy speak and they'd put me in a padded cell if they ever saw this post. Or maybe I'm making a big deal outta nothin', and that's a bigger problem than anything. Haha.
Well, the bottom line is that I don't like this. I'm into the whole self-improvement thing and in the past year alone I've changed and grown up so much, and I think most of my old acquaintances wouldn't even recognize me as the same person they once knew, and that's a good thing. I've changed a lot for the better. But this little darkness is still hanging on and I wish it was something I could learn to escape, because forgiveness is swell. Hmm. Maybe someday I'll have another life-changing event or two and none of this will matter. Or maybe I just need to read more.
*cracks open The Little Prince*
G'day, all.