Being truthful.

[RikaPSOW]

Okay, I have a new girl friend, and I'm as truthful to her as possible, but her brother thinks I'm being TOO TRUTHFUL. Like sometimes being too truthful hurts my girlfriend (which she didn't tell me, her brother had to tell me). Like should I sometimes lie to avoid hurting my girlfriend? Her brother thinks I should lie to avoid hurting her, but what do you guys/girls think? I just wanna be a good boyfriend, I don't mean any harm.


Also about her brother, he likes to make me make an ass out of myself. He will purposely lie just to make me have an outburst over something in my relationship with my girlfriend, then tell me he lied, and then I feel like crap. I feel like he's trying to control my relationship with her. Should I be conserned?

[CelestialBlade]

Sounds like her brother is a douche, plain and simple. I wouldn't listen to anything he says, sounds like a little attention-whore child.

On the truthful issue though, you should strive to be completely honest with someone in my opinion. If someone can't accept you for who you are, they won't last long anyway. I'm glad to see that you are truthful because a lot of people will lie to "preserve" a relationship, but it will always always catch up with them. Some people are scared off by honestly, but if she's the one for you, she'll really appreciate it.

[AlexCraig]

Chelsea's right. They say honesty is the best policy. Stick to it. If she's the one for you, she'll appreciate you being honest.

[Aisha379]

While honesty is most certainly good, you also have to be aware of HOW you say things.

Example, most girls certainly wouldn't want to try on a new dress only to have you say "Gawd you look fat in that" - even if it is true, there are certain things that should be worded differently - or just not said at all, unless its a big deal.


But from what you said, I wouldn't trust anything her brother says, just ask her outright if anything you say hurts her, and go from there.

[RikaPSOW]

Sounds like her brother is a douche, plain and simple. I wouldn't listen to anything he says, sounds like a little attention-whore child.

On the truthful issue though, you should strive to be completely honest with someone in my opinion. If someone can't accept you for who you are, they won't last long anyway. I'm glad to see that you are truthful because a lot of people will lie to "preserve" a relationship, but it will always always catch up with them. Some people are scared off by honestly, but if she's the one for you, she'll really appreciate it.

Yeah, he does give me a lot of problems. Like yesterday (I'm in a online relationship with her), he wouldn't let her sister on because he wanted to irratate me (which he did). Waited like 6 hours, then he tells me she went to sleep (which he lied about). Then I make a complete ass of myself cause I was really irratated (i think if you waited six hours for someone/something, then they don't show up or you don't get it, you would be mad, right?).

I try to be as honest as I can be. Like, I never ever heard my girlfriend's voice. My friends have a lot of suspisions about that (they are just trying to protect me). I tell her that it bugs me a little bit. Like I know she doesn't like that topic, but I just wanted to be honest. But if you think about it, if I really believed my friends, would I really tell her then? I don't see why someone would lie about that since I've known them (almost a year I've known my girlfriend).

[RikaPSOW]

While honesty is most certainly good, you also have to be aware of HOW you say things.

Example, most girls certainly wouldn't want to try on a new dress only to have you say "Gawd you look fat in that" - even if it is true, there are certain things that should be worded differently - or just not said at all, unless its a big deal.


But from what you said, I wouldn't trust anything her brother says, just ask her outright if anything you say hurts her, and go from there.

I try to word everything as "nice and polite" as possible. And yeah I wanna bring up about anything hurting her, but her brother didn't let me talk to her....

Chelsea's right. They say honesty is the best policy. Stick to it. If she's the one for you, she'll appreciate you being honest.

Agreed.

[CelestialBlade]

Yeah, he does give me a lot of problems. Like yesterday (I'm in a online relationship with her), he wouldn't let her sister on because he wanted to irratate me (which he did). Waited like 6 hours, then he tells me she went to sleep (which he lied about). Then I make a complete ass of myself cause I was really irratated (i think if you waited six hours for someone/something, then they don't show up or you don't get it, you would be mad, right?).

I try to be as honest as I can be. Like, I never ever heard my girlfriend's voice. My friends have a lot of suspisions about that (they are just trying to protect me). I tell her that it bugs me a little bit. Like I know she doesn't like that topic, but I just wanted to be honest. But if you think about it, if I really believed my friends, would I really tell her then? I don't see why someone would lie about that since I've known them (almost a year I've known my girlfriend).

You'd have every right to be irate about that situation. Yeah, her brother is trash. What a little attention-whore.

You're absolutely right in telling your girlfriend about wanting to be able to hear her voice, and I'd imagine she does understand where you're coming from (though I think the G.I.R.L. paranoia on the internet needs to stop getting overblown so much, we use the net way more than you think), so I think it'd be best for you to try and understand why she's being reluctant. Is it something as simple as owning a mic, or is there more to it? If she doesn't like the topic, find out why and see if you two can't come to an agreement on the issue. Honestly, understanding, and love are pretty much the top three key ingredients of any successful relationship. Hope it goes well, and keep up the honesty, it's very much a desirable element in any guy.

[MetaZedlen]

If anything, try to get her number, that would be one of the easier ways around this mess, being that the brother is a douche-bag.

On a side note, being honest is one of the BEST things in a relationship, I would know this because if you are close to someone that is very religious (me...), and she STILL talks to you, then there really is nothing to worry about. I've told my girlfriend MOST of the stuff about me, and she admitted that she didn't like what she heard, but she lives with it (the underage drinking really bothered her, but she doesn't care anymore because I usually have some funny stories for her ).

We have had our share of those blatantly honest conversations, and yes they hurt a little, but in time you just don't care very much about stupid little things that anymore because it was one of those "oh shit" moments, but then you move to something else to take your mind right off of it.

When you finally get to talk to her (and I hope you do, as long as she has a cell phone...), talk to her about it, don't exactly beat around the bush, but don't lay it all on at once either, bits and pieces at a time, and you will feel much better.

Edit: Hey Typheros, it's honesty, not honestly

Nothing mean by it though

[Aisha379]

Yeah, I have an odd weird paranoia about letting people online hear my voice too. Bugs some of my friends. So I can kinda understand that much =S

[CelestialBlade]

Yeah, I have an odd weird paranoia about letting people online hear my voice too. Bugs some of my friends. So I can kinda understand that much =S

Same here. I kinda wish I could get over it for the sake of Ventrilo fun, but it's just one of many strange paranoias on my list ^_^ But that's why I mentioned trying to find out more about why she didn't want to call, because I have a real phobia about that sort of thing too.