"32 Observations About This Goddamn Arcade I'm Working At"
Actually, I just walked behind this counter for the first time in a week. I'll look at your ticket voucher shortly.
Ma'am, do not act impatient with me when you're the one barging past the wall of ten-year-old flesh eager for cheap prizes and candy demanding I get your son his prize this instant. It is a plastic trophy, not a pair of wire clippers for the bomb.
Hmm, I probably shouldn't mention bombs here. There was a big thing about that in the handbook and the required evacuation and such. So I should totally mention bombs here.
Please shriek a little louder. If you shatter my eardrums into enough pieces, I will evolve a second consciousness able to assist you in getting a goddamn Blow Pop.
The Monopoly Machine didn't give you your tickets because you were trying to tip the goddamned thing over. I wish it didn't stop at merely denying you your tickets and token, actually.
Jesus, those donuts smell delicious. I should totally get so-- wait, I can spend two more dollars and eat until I want to throw up. Not this time, donuts!
Holy shit, why don't I work where the food is? I'd never have to deal with all those kids.
As you can see, half of China, I'm one person. Please wait your turn.
You, um, see that huge machine that says "Ticket Center"? You put your tickets in there.
No, not the Receipt Slot. The one that says "Tickets Go Here".
There are only two slots, one of which is slightly more obvious than facial necrosis. You put them in that one.
This slip says twelve tickets. You cannot buy anything more than twelve-- no, Air Heads are thirty. You can't afford anything on that side of the count-- If you can't afford something that costs thirty tickets, why would you think that you can afford something that costs one-hundred fifty?
You can get four different items. Pick one or some of those. No, now that you've spent seven of your twelve tickets, the five remaining are not able to cover a purchase of twenty-five hundred tickets. Get a piece of fucking gum.
Yes, you're welcome. Don't come back.
Good, you're back. Good thing you won two tickets then ran back here screaming.
Two tickets will get you stickers. Out of these two jars. No, Blow Pops are not stickers. No, neither are Nerds Ropes. Two tickets does not mean you can get two of anything.
So you have one ticket. Why are you asking for two of anything?
Oh good, you're back again. With a whopping three tickets this time.
No, Blow Pops were twenty-five before. The prices have not been lowered. You still cannot afford them. Perhaps if you saved them instead of spending them every time you got them.
Oh, good. It's your... Guardian. Person. If he reeked any more of pot, I suspect the emergency sprinklers would be going off.
Oh, wow. I actually like this kid. He may be taking a while to decide things, but at least he isn't a fucking retard about it.
Jesus Christ, don't you ever stop? It's seven tickets. You should know what you cannot afford by now. I'll give you a hint: It's everything you ask for.
Oh, good. You've got twenty-seven tickets. Here's a goddamn Blow Pop.
YOU HAVE TWO TICKETS. WHY ARE YOU ASKING FOR ANOTHER ONE? I'm glad I gave you watermelon flavor.
Oh, my favorite demographic. Teenaged emo girls. Hmm, I wonder what that pause before you say the word "pickle" implies. You're so delightfully witty.
Actually, it isn't my fault you didn't win at a game dictated purely by chance. Please don't get mad at me.
Actually, I'll go ahead and take care of your prizes after I count the seven hundred and forty two pennies you gave me in addition to your ticket slip.
Why do these pickles either never sell at all or huge mobs rush in demanding them? Anyway, ma'am, I'll make your change in a moment, you needn't glare at me like that. There are so many other places you can go.
For the love of god, you're back again. You... Are you trying to sell me a bag of confett-- This confetti is worth five-hundred dollars? You are actually trying to sell me a bag of confetti for five-hundred dollars. You should be so thankful this counter is between us.
Hi, Captain Pothead! Here to usher your five kids out of the arcade?
Oh, those two machines didn't give you your tickets? Here are two more tokens, you probably should not play those machi-- You're playing those exact two machines again.
As you can see, it's midnight, the machines are off, and the arcade is closed. Please come back for two Jolly Ranchers tomorrow.
That one, about the twelve tickets...? You'd think that was a little kid, wouldn't you?
Old enough to be my mother.
Originally Posted by GCoffee
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