I mean... How many people listen to Doom and Death/Doom Metal...
The odd bit of Black Metal etc.? Plus I'm a girl so I feel even more alone in that.
And I like some dark, gloomy and intimidating kind of stuff!
When I was youger I was interested in mineralogy,
I guess it started with my sister's collection of "nice stones" when I was little but I took a more academic kind of interest,
plus I like pretty stones!
Or like that I like reptiles, snakes particularly. People just seem to hate snakes!
And then there's the weird thing with knives that might or might not have something to do with me having some finnish heritage.
I don't know, I don't seem to have a lot of "girly" interests besides shoes, clothes and the like.
But I'm like... Well, I don't like the mainstream kind of things!
You can keep your goddamn women's mags to yourself thank you!
And then my worldview is... Something I don't really like talking about because I just feel like I sound all cold, logical...
And there are some bleak things for sure! And I feel like I'm just bothering people or being insensitive if I ever bring it up.
Then there's all the things where I'm "not normal" by any kind of standard.
Not medically, psychologically, sexually, subculturally, philosophically...
And then I have such an odd set of personality traits like...
Well, all the dark gloomy stuff, and I'm pretty averse to strangers but still I seemingly compulsively like to "help" anyone
I run across that doesn't seem to be doing so well. And I'd rather be a little intimidating outwards but I'm actually really shy,
girly and cuddly as a person and in my ways. Which... Just seems to clash a bit.
I'm quite gentle and sensitive but I'm really not very good with people at all and I think I probably come across as cold or distant at times.
(No, I'm not daydreaming, stop saying that!)
I'm quite awkward... I keep second guessing myself all the time dealing with people I don't know very well!
Even if I might look pretty normal when out and about a lot of the time -
when meeting new people everyone still seems to quickly take note of me as "strange",
at least if someone talks to me or expects me to start conversation!
And I often get comments along the lines of "You look like there's a lot of thigs stirring in your head!" or
"What are you thinking about?" from aquantinces and the like. I'm not thinking about anything!
If I am though, I'm very readable, and the slightest bit of emotion will show in my face.
So it's almost as if people keep overestimating whatever that is all the time!
I always seem to end up a loner even though I don't want to!
But for the most part I don't like people, even if I really have loosened up a lot in the last few months and I try to be more positive and outgoing!
But at least in real life all I ever seem to run across are idiots I don't want to deal with!
And then I end up alone instead.
I really don't care about being "normal" or anything like that, in fact I despise it...
But I just seem to end up a bit too different, as I can't ever seem to find anyone anything like me!
It's difficult to explain it all but... This is the best I can do.
Originally Posted by BIG OLAF
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