Page 2 of 21 FirstFirst 1234512 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 208
  1. #11

    Default

    ---CHAPTER II---
    Spoiler!


    I'm really humbled by all these comments so far, I seriously didn't expect a reaction this good. Really means a lot and you all have my most sincere thanks. If me writing this can serve as an inspiration to even one person, I'd be happy. Gonna hopefully get around to updating the character roster more as we go, and putting in some fun random facts in the bonus section too. Any and all feedback is welcome, as always. Stay tuned~

    Levia> Haha, well I'm not an engineer for nothing!

  2. #12
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Under the sea
    Posts
    12,538

    Default

    I, actually, want to start writing too, because of this. So, there's that.

  3. #13

    Default

    Yeah I'd agree with the others that you have some great descriptive writing in your story. Perfectly set-up intro to get the reader engaged in the race. Plus your dialogue is well-written and believable. I really enjoyed your selection in BGM for the story, in my opinion they all fitted absolutely amazing with the atmosphere(but I'm biased since Megaman, PSO2. and Ar Tonelico are awesome!).

    In the first chapter the racing scene was suspenseful and easy to visualize. Then a really intense and exciting Spardan and Gilnas fight in ch. 2. Along with the unexpected beginning for that one. Overall you did a great job in re-creating the right sense of the universe for the reader. All very cool~

    The style of gritty, win at-all-costs, future sports reminded me of the high-octane racer anime movie called Redline(However not sure if that was intentional.)

    Fantastic story so far, I definitely plan on following it! Keep up the great fanfic!

  4. #14
    Mobile Heavy Armored Cast Sacrificial's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Posts
    1,145

    Default

    I really like it,keep up the good work. And like mentioned above, stories like this makes you want to write your own.


    MultiCore------------Male Cast~~~~~~~~~~~Moriah----------------Female Dewman
    Zyonyl----------------Male Newman~~~~~~~~Shilka ZSU-----------Female Cast
    Quote Originally Posted by AIDA View Post
    Did you try turning it off and on again?

  5. #15

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BloodmageR View Post
    The style of gritty, win at-all-costs, future sports reminded me of the high-octane racer anime movie called Redline(However not sure if that was intentional.)

    Fantastic story so far, I definitely plan on following it! Keep up the great fanfic!
    First off, thanks so much for your comments. I watched a lot of Initial D back in the day, so that was a bit of an inspiration for the race scene. Ethan Waber's airboard in PSU and the sport of V-Board in Ar Tonelico III also played huge roles, as well as my own profession. I'm an automotive engineer in powertrain development and I did a lot of my grad school work around engines and vehicle bodies, so it's kinda fun to be able to apply my own expertise that I make a living off of into a work of fiction. It's certainly a lot of fun for me to make and I'm glad others can enjoy that as well.

  6. #16

    Default

    I always have and always will tie airboarding to Back to the Future Part II. xP

    I think action-heavy scenes are among some of the hardest things to write. Nailing placement, description of action, and conveying the sense of speed and urgency that a scene like that needs requires some serious skill to keep interesting. I think you've nailed it pretty good so far.

    Cold as winter, guns of summer. Point and watch them run.
    Which PSO-W Member Are You?

  7. #17

    Default

    Another great chapter! I haven't played Ar Tonelico so I'm probably missing some of the references. I have no idea if the Heart of Gaea or Croix are from that game... but on the other hand, it's also nice not knowing too much because it's more of a surprise when I find out.

    I was really interested to read the part at the end because it's the first time you started talking about the ARKS, and that's going to be an increasingly important focus in my story as well, so I wanted to see what you'd say about it.

    About the Gilnas, Cocona got off easy because they usually split into three parts when they're defeated. xD

    P.S. Just to mention it, Thursday and Friday are usually my busiest days of the week, so if you continue posting at that time I probably won't reply until Saturday or so... I just don't want you to think I'm ignoring your updates.

    Sig art by Aussei ^_^

  8. #18
    Wielder of the Neiclaws Ce'Nedra's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Posts
    3,806

    Default

    Welp this is better then I thought it would be...To be honest I had a idea to add airboard racing to my own fanfic at some point seeing Nedra loves speed as well haha. If you need a good racing partner/rival lemme know

    It just makes my own story look so dull, specially in the way of writing and grammer ._.

    Nontheless I can't wait to read more~

    Celestial Manager~
    Quote Originally Posted by isCasted View Post
    Welcome to PSO2, a game which tells you to fuck off on regular basis. Have fun!
    Quote Originally Posted by Rupikachu View Post
    He just copypasted the log, which is mostly SOHO talking, and then for the remaining pages he just went to psow and copied the ep4 thread salt.

  9. #19

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ce'Nedra View Post
    It just makes my own story look so dull, specially in the way of writing and grammer ._.
    Even taking journalism classes in college and writing my own website for eight years, I can say the only way you'll get good enough to enjoy what you're doing is to practice a lot and learn (but not directly copy) from the people who you enjoy reading. It takes time, but you'll eventually find your voice and style.

    Also: "grammar...*ahem* DOO-DEE-DOOOOOO...

    Cold as winter, guns of summer. Point and watch them run.
    Which PSO-W Member Are You?

  10. #20
    Wielder of the Neiclaws Ce'Nedra's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Posts
    3,806

    Default

    Well what doesn't help is that English isn't my native language and its completely self taught...sure I had minor English lessons at school but that was only to fine tune a few things. I learned English myself through playing Games and such.

    Therefore I often make mistakes like Grammer/Grammer, Trust/Thrust, Three/Tree and so on...and dutch language has complete different way of building a sentence then in English so that makes it extra hard for me to make it sound good, not to mention I don't know a lot of these "complicated" words that Coco and Enforcer use for example in their fics. That all combined and lack of mood for it made me put my fanfic on hold a few years ago and I have yet to start on it again.

    Celestial Manager~
    Quote Originally Posted by isCasted View Post
    Welcome to PSO2, a game which tells you to fuck off on regular basis. Have fun!
    Quote Originally Posted by Rupikachu View Post
    He just copypasted the log, which is mostly SOHO talking, and then for the remaining pages he just went to psow and copied the ep4 thread salt.

Similar Threads

  1. Phantasy Star Online 2 - The Side Stories Novel
    By (Idola) in forum PSO2 General
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: Jun 18, 2014, 04:49 PM
  2. PSU: Episode 3 Side Story: The Magashi Plan (Script) (Spoilers)
    By Zoamel_Gustav in forum PSU: Gameplay, Guides & Walkthroughs
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: May 25, 2009, 08:06 AM
  3. Replies: 24
    Last Post: Jul 27, 2006, 01:10 PM
  4. Smells Like a Side Story
    By AzureBlaze in forum Episode 3
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Mar 27, 2004, 05:56 PM
  5. Replies: 4
    Last Post: Nov 23, 2003, 10:29 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •