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  1. #31
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Fifth Dream: A Study in Warfare, part 4

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    Fifth Dream: A Study in Warfare, part 5
    Last edited by Zorafim; Sep 17, 2013 at 09:26 PM.

  2. #32

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    You use really good imagery, especially with the 'striking' bit in that last Dream.

    But, come of brosef, don't leave us hanging! Don't be like me, ha.

    even though i'm a week behind because i got sick so that's a valid excuse

  3. #33
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    I'm actually proofreading my next, erm... part? Damn, I don't know what to call my sections anymore. But I have something ready. In fact, I might have it by tonight.

    Really, I think I just wrote myself into a rut. The next part I have ready isn't really interesting. I just want to get the backstory over with so I can get to the good stuff. I mean, it's called Daydreams of an Angel and a Fish, and there's no fish!

    Thanks for the extra bit of motivation, though. That helps me get through some pieces when I get into a funk.

  4. #34
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Fifth Dream: A Study in Warfare, part 5

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    Fifth Dream: A study in Warfare, part 6
    Last edited by Zorafim; Sep 28, 2013 at 11:47 PM.

  5. #35
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Man, the length of this dream is just too long. I'll need at least another three parts to finish it up. I'm starting to question my naming scheme.

  6. #36
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Fifth Dream: A Study in Warfare, part 6

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    Author's notes:
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    Fifth Dream: A Study in Warfare, part 7
    Last edited by Zorafim; Oct 6, 2013 at 11:08 AM.

  7. #37

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    You should be proud, you're proving to be a talented teller of tales.
    PSO2 Characters

    Kais (Male CAST) Ship 9 Hu62 Fi46 Ra53 Gu65 Fo6 Te1 Br36
    Lilith Reiger (Female Deuman) Ship 9 Hu42 Fi1 Ra1 Gu1 Fo20 Te45 Br56

    Are we alive or just breathing?

  8. #38
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Fifth Dream: A Study in Warfare, part 7

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    Fifth Dream: A Study in Warfare, part 8
    Last edited by Zorafim; Oct 13, 2013 at 09:49 PM.

  9. #39

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    This saga continues to be awesome, loving the the end of the chapter.
    PSO2 Characters

    Kais (Male CAST) Ship 9 Hu62 Fi46 Ra53 Gu65 Fo6 Te1 Br36
    Lilith Reiger (Female Deuman) Ship 9 Hu42 Fi1 Ra1 Gu1 Fo20 Te45 Br56

    Are we alive or just breathing?

  10. #40

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    I'd been meaning to read your story for a while, I just always found myself too busy, so finally I decided I was going to set aside time for it and read it over a span of three days. And I did, and it's really good! I haven't read some of the other comments but I'm sure it's been said that you do a great job of painting a picture, and I can see your descriptions improving over time.

    The three things that stood out to me the most are: 1) the conversation between God and Zorael where God admits he didn't create those people (at least, not intentionally). I love those types of philosophical questions and the idea that maybe what we assume about things isn't necessarily true. 2) The way you did the 'First Contact' story out of order, which gives a completely different perspective to the events. Rather than tell us what's going on from the start, you introduce the events in a way that's more mysterious and draws the reader in. 3) Torva's battle with the bandits. I think these scenes were the clearest expression of your improvements, or at least where you were able to showcase your talents the best. The word use and sentence structure were done very well.

    All that being said, I do miss Zorael's musings/experiments and his conversations with God. Hopefully we'll get to see more of that in the future!

    P.S. Your link to the Fourth Dream actually leads to the Third Dream, just wanted to point that out.

    Sig art by Aussei ^_^

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