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  1. #1

    Default R.U.B.Y Episode 4: The Alte Arc

    This fanfic is a series that I began working on a few months back and now go the point where I can start doing edits, etc. and show it to the forums.

    -If you want criticize my work, please do so with manner and constructive.
    -Please tell me when you see an error
    -English is not that great so there will be awkward wordings sometimes
    -I like to use other languages for an Alien language
    -Note that chapter 1 will be in the OP so the table of contents will not lead to Chapter 1 or the Prologue
    -Title of the Fanfic is an acronym with each letter based off of major characters of the series, guess who? since a lot of other non-major/main characters will have the same beginning letters.
    -I'm recently been drawing out some of the major characters and scenes, etc. and writing a lore.

    Prologue
    Spoiler!


    Episode 1: The Beginning
    Chapter 1: A New Friend
    Spoiler!



    Volume 1:Episode 1 Table Of Contents:
    Prologue: <look up>
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 1: A New Friend: <look up>
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 2: Remember Those Black Skies
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 3 A Journey’s Roads Begins-Part 1-
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 3 A Journey’s Roads Begins Part 2-
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 4-I Have My Own Journey-Part 1-
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 4-I Have My Own Journey-Part 2-
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 5-Is This Fate or Destiny?-Part 1-
    Episode 1: The Beginning-Chapter 5-Is This Fate or Destiny?-Part 2- <Episode 1 Finale>

    -The M.C. Chapters-
    Volume 1: Episode 2: Table of Contents
    Episode 2 Prologue
    Episode 2: Reliving in the Past: "The M.C. Chapters" Chapter 1: Visiting the Past -Part 1-
    Episode 2: Reliving in the Past: "The M.C. Chapters" Chapter 1: Visiting the Past -Part 2-
    Episode 2: Reliving in the Past: "The M.C. Chapters" Chapter 2: Flashback
    Episode 2: Reliving in the Past: "The M.C. Chapters" Chapter 3: The Colossal -Part 1-
    Episode 2: Reliving in the Past: "The M.C. Chapters" Chapter 4: 1 of 4, Character Y

    -Yama's Saga-
    Volume 1: Episode 3 Table of Contents
    Episode 3 Yama's Saga: Chapter 1: The Girl With The Iron Tail Part 1
    A R.U.B.Y. Special: Simultaneous Chapter: Pseudo Déjà Vu
    Episode 3: Yama's Saga: Chapter 1: The Girl With The Iron Tail Part 2
    Episode 3: Yama's Saga: Chapter 2: Monkey Say Monkey Do XD
    Episode 3: Chapter 3: The Start of a Long Road Part 1

    Episode 3: Chapter 3: The Start of a Long Road Part 2
    Episode 3: Chapter 4: That Carbuncle Girl


    Timeline ordering from top to bottom: Counted by Weeks

    Spoiler!


    Kudos to you all!
    Last edited by strikerhunter; Dec 22, 2014 at 07:40 AM.

  2. #2
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by strikerhunter View Post
    -If you want criticize my work, please do so with manner and constructive.
    This means you're taking criticism!

    Careful with the number of commas in a sentence. Keep it to one comma per sentence, and only use two if you really need to. Consider using another sentence, or a semicolon, to seperate ideas in a sentence.

    You may want to write with Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com open. For instance, in your first sentence, you're saying that the galaxy is sweating. A quick trip to Dictionary.com could have saved you some embarasment.

    I was going to comment on your character building, but you had it under control at the end. It's hard for me to remember characters, so just throwing them in the story kinda scared me. But the introductions you gave them near the end kind of helped with that.


    Anyway, welcome to the family! I'm glad I have another story to look forward to. Yours was pretty fun to read so far. As you mentioned, there are a few awkward phrases or misspelled words. But that didn't distract from the overall enjoyment of it. I can't wait to see more!

    So, you said the name is based off of important characters. I don't have much information, but we have a Ruby, a Brendan, and a Yama. That's kind of suspicious.

  3. #3

    Default

    -The character introductions, imo wasn't the best developed introduction I made yet but it opens the opportunity to create chapters specifically targeting an individual character for readers to get an understanding of it.

    -There's lots of comma because English(etc.) is not my strong spot but creating story, etc. are.
    -I take criticism because I give a hell of a lot of constructive criticism to works of others. I like criticism, allows me to look back at my weakspots and improve.
    -You are on to something but I did said "It's for you to guess who that person is since many will be having those Lettered names."

    -Thanks for the comment Zora!

  4. #4
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    Yeah, commas are hard. I would love to have a run on sentence, that just has a bunch of commas in it, and just goes on and on, but that's just awkward to read, and nobody wants to go through that. I basically have to work to make sure I don't get them.

    And yeah, criticism is great. I wish I got more of it.

  5. #5

    Default

    Chapter 2 is up. Enjoy .
    Episode 1: The Beginning
    Chapter 2: Remember Those Black Skies
    Note: Norwegian is the awkward language that you will see below so use Google translate and read it off from there.
    Spoiler!
    Last edited by strikerhunter; Feb 24, 2014 at 02:20 AM.

  6. #6

    Default

    Ah geesh, it's been almost a month since I last updated the story but things happened.

    -replaced laptop
    -no Microsoft word for a few weeks
    -.......college....

    But to make things up, here's an image of a soon to be introduced character: Oh Gawdy lol her name is accidentally left on the drawing during the snapshot XD

    Spoiler!


    I do plan to draw out the other characters and settings to give you guys an idea of how things look like.

    Episode 1 chapter 3 will be here soon! I promise!
    Last edited by strikerhunter; Feb 12, 2014 at 12:24 AM.

  7. #7
    Curiously attractive for a fish man Zorafim's Avatar
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    I know that feel. There are times when I recover from burnout from working on too many songs, and before I know it months pass.

  8. #8
    Mobile Heavy Armored Cast Sacrificial's Avatar
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    Pff damned and here I thought there was an update.......


    MultiCore------------Male Cast~~~~~~~~~~~Moriah----------------Female Dewman
    Zyonyl----------------Male Newman~~~~~~~~Shilka ZSU-----------Female Cast
    Quote Originally Posted by AIDA View Post
    Did you try turning it off and on again?

  9. #9

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sacrificial View Post
    Pff damned and here I thought there was an update.......
    story updates will have chapter within title. Regular update just says Update in thread title for current status.

  10. #10

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    Yay! I got word document back! Here's Chapter 3 -Episode 1-Chapter 3 Part 1!

    -Episode 1-
    -Chapter 3 A Journey’s Roads Begins-Part 1-
    Spoiler!

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