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- = AKI02 PERSONAL LOG = -
< ENTRY 01 >
“My name is Aki02. I used to be Captain Aki02 until I resigned my ARKS commission. I couldn’t do it anymore, living my life on the battlefield… not after what happened to
Orpheus. That was almost a month ago now, but to me it still feels like yesterday. Every time I close my eyes I see the faces of the friends I lost… Warren, Hayes, Delfoy, Cray, Dr. Garney…
“Irene was the one who suggested I start this video log. She said it might do me good to talk about what happened. It’s supposed to be a form of therapy. A strange thought, I suppose—do CASTs process traumatic events the same way flesh-and-blood beings do? I’m not sure, but I’ll try it anyway.
“My sisters Zero One and Zero Three are handling this so differently than I am. I can’t understand why. When Dr. Rauth downloaded my memory files into these new bodies, the three of us started out as copies of the same person, the same Aki. Yet Zero One couldn’t wait to return to the war. She was back in action less than two weeks later. The ARKS let her keep her captain rank despite the technicality that the original Aki who earned it is dead—a unique situation, to be sure.
“As for Zero Three, she’s out hunting for Selena and Marten. There’s a high probability they were killed aboard
Orpheus, but no one knows for sure. Zero Three refuses to give up hope that they’re still out there, alive, a hope all three of us share. I would have volunteered to go with her but Dr. Rauth and Irene weren’t pleased about even one Aki going back to the Rift, let alone two. I could have defied their wishes—I’m a free CAST, not bound to anyone—but Irene is my friend and Dr. Rauth has taken good care of us, and I don’t wish to antagonize them.
“Things are changing so quickly these days. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one standing still. One of my sisters is running toward the future, the other is caught in the past. Where does that leave me?”
* * * * * * * * *
< ENTRY 02 >
“My creator, Dr. Bowman, gave me the ability to think, to feel, and to dream. Lately I’ve been having the same dream every night. In it, I’m standing in a large, dark room. The domed ceiling is painted with points of glowing light arranged like constellations—perhaps it’s an observatory. As I stare up and watch, a dark cloud begins covering the lights one by one until even the brightest star at the apex is blotted out.
“I reach out to touch the cloud of blackness. It sticks to my hand and I try to shake it off, but I can’t. It seeps into my joints and I can feel it working its way through my system, corroding my insides. Eventually I become so weak that I fall apart, bit by bit, until nothing is left. Then I wake up.
“I’ve heard that dreams sometimes have symbolic meanings attached to them. At first I thought the dark cloud represented my half-sister, Zeta. Our memories became permanently fused during my mission to stop the terrorist known as the Wraith. Zeta was a troubled person then and I feared her darkness would consume me. In fact, it nearly did. In the end we were able to make peace with each other, and now… now I’m someone who is not quite Aki, not quite Zeta. That’s why I can say for certain that the dark cloud in my dream isn’t Zeta. Her darkness is gone forever. The only thing I have left is her memories.
“But if the dream isn’t about Zeta, what does it mean? Does it mean anything at all?”
* * * * * * * * *
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< ENTRY 03 >
“Zero One was promoted to major today. Her actions during the Anaria campaign saved the lives of over a hundred ARKS soldiers. If she keeps this up she’ll make colonel in no time, I’m sure. As her sister I’m proud of her, of course, but… I fear the toll this nonstop fighting may be taking on her, and the toll her memories are taking on me.
“If she doesn’t know my feelings already, she will soon. Every night in our recharging alcoves we exchange memories. That’s how Dr. Bowman designed us, as part of his effort to create perfect soldiers. During the day we live our lives as separate people, but at night we become one again. Except Zero Three, who’s still out there looking for Selena. I hope she’s having luck in her search…”
* * * * * * * * *
< ENTRY 04 >
“Our half-sister Rho visited us last weekend. She heard about Zero One’s promotion and came to congratulate her. It was a slightly awkward family reunion. The last time I saw her, Rho stole my body and tried taking my place. I ended up giving her my old body, minus the head, which is somewhat ironic now that I’m back in my original form. Rho and I have become body twins! Our heads are the only way to distinguish us apart now.
“She seems to be doing well. In fact, joining the ARKS has done Rho a lot of good. Instead of living on the streets she’s taken up residence in the military dorms on the colony ship
Ken. She’s making new friends and is currently training to be a Techer. Technique-based classes like Force and Techer require a high level of photon manipulation, something CASTs often struggle with, but that hasn’t deterred Rho in the slightest. She’s determined to prove herself, and I wish her the best of luck.”
* * * * * * * * *
< ENTRY 05 >
“I had that dream again. Maybe it’s a manifestation of the anxiety I feel, or perhaps it’s related to the memories I’ve been receiving from Zero One. Memories of war, of death, of desperate battles for survival. Of a life I left behind on
Orpheus…”
* * * * * * * * *
< ENTRY 06 >
“Dr. Rauth reminds me a lot of my creator, Dr. Bowman. That’s not surprising, I suppose—they were close friends and colleagues in the same field… when Dr. Bowman was alive, I mean.
“Yesterday Dr. Rauth asked for my input on a new model of CAST he’s developing for a private contract. There was an issue fitting the photon reactor into such a narrow frame. Maybe he was simply taking pity on me after watching me wander around the lab every day for two months. At this point I don’t care, I just want to feel useful again. So I agreed. After several hours of calculations and running simulations I was able to help him solve the problem. I won’t go into the technical details here, they’re not important, but… working with Dr. Rauth, I felt something. Even though it was only a small part, I was helping to create a
life. That design, that collection of parts and schematics, is going to become a CAST like me someday. When I realized that, I felt like I understood Dr. Bowman and Irene’s passion for the first time. The act of designing, of creating, felt so rewarding to me.
“I was designed to be a soldier, to fight evil and protect the innocent. That is what I was programmed to do. But now, after everything I’ve experienced, I think I am growing beyond my original parameters. I want more for myself. Even though I was built in a lab, I was given the ability to think and to feel. I have a will of my own. Does that not make me alive? And if I am alive, shouldn’t I have the freedom to make my own choices?
“I won’t forget Dr. Bowman or the lessons he taught me. One of those lessons was to always respect life. I will continue to do that, but it’s time to find a new way, a new path for myself. To become a new Aki.”
* * * * * * * * *
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< ENTRY 07 >
“Zero One has decided to leave the battlefield. I think she’s mainly doing it for my sake, and for that I am grateful. I told her she can still make a difference, that there are other ways of saving lives that don’t involve being out on the front lines. I believe, in her own way, she was running from the trauma of what happened back then, by telling herself she was alright. But deep down, she needs this as much as I do.
“Zero One put in a transfer request after calling in a few favors. Apparently there are still those who remember our reputation as a hero of the Fifth Fleet. To Zero One’s surprise—and mine—they made her headmaster of the ARKS Training Academy and promoted her again, this time to colonel! Teaching others is something we’d been talking about for a long time, but to lead the entire Academy? It’s like a dream come true… for both of us. Perhaps we should find a way to celebrate.”
* * * * * * * * *
< ENTRY 08 >
“I’m going to give Zero One a new body. Or, more accurately, I am going to build her one. As the new headmaster she’s going to be dealing with many people on a daily basis. A human-like body would be more… ‘approachable’ than her current form, she said.
“It should be a relatively simple matter. I have the schematics of the humanoid body Irene had built for me before, the one that was damaged beyond repair during the escape from
Orpheus. The original design was excellent; it will only require a few minor tweaks, an easy task even for an inexperienced designer like myself. After that it’s just a matter of ordering and assembling the parts. Finally, I will need to send it out to have the synthetic skin attached. The company that made it last time should still have a copy of the mold. That will save me time and meseta.
“The project is fairly costly—humanoid bodies are highly desirable in the CAST community so the parts aren’t cheap—but I’ve saved enough to afford it. I… I want to do this. For my sister, and for myself. I haven’t felt this excited in a long time.”
* * * * * * * * *
< ENTRY 09 >
“I’ve decided to practice smiling.” (smiles for the camera)
“Irene always tells me I should smile more. I think she’s just teasing me, but there is some truth to her claim. I’m not always good at expressing the emotions I feel, what seems to come so naturally to my flesh-and-blood counterparts. So, I’ll start by smiling. I have found that a smile is more likely to elicit a positive reaction from others. That makes it an important component in interpersonal relations, something my sister Zero One will need to master for her new position as headmaster. Fortunately for her, anything I learn will automatically be conveyed during the memory transfer process. If Zero Three ever comes home she will benefit from it as well.
“Now, to continue practicing…” (smiles again)
* * * * * * * * *
< ENTRY 10 >
“Zero One’s new body is almost complete. I finished assembling the skeletal chassis and had it shipped to the company that will apply the synthetic skin. It should be done in about a week.
“In the meantime I’ve been helping Dr. Rauth with various projects, designing and building new types of CASTs. I’ve already gained a lot of experience. My hair kept getting in the way as I worked so I cut it short, just like it was before I died. I think I like it better this way—it’s more freeing and gives me a better sense of individuality. I love my sisters, and they will always be a part of me, but I also want to be my own person. Someone who’s not just a copy or a replica. Someone unique.
“I’ve taken after Irene and started modifying myself—mostly small tweaks—to increase my parameters: strength, durability, reaction time. They’re minor improvements, but I can use the knowledge I’ve gained on future designs. Which reminds me, Dr. Rauth told me he will have a new project for me soon. Something different, something just for me. I don’t know what he has in mind but I’m thankful for his generosity and support. I don’t know where I would be without his help.
“That dream, the one with the black cloud, is finally gone. I haven’t had it in weeks. Whether it’s from finding a new purpose or Zero One’s transfer, I cannot say. All I know is that I finally feel hopeful again. I feel happy. I feel… alive.”
INTERLUDE: END
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