Joke fest.

[Dabra]

Each post one joke. You know, the traditional way: read them, comment them and post a joke.

Me first

A guy goes to a bar to get drunk. He gets in and walks to the bartender. On the way he checks out this tiny prick playing a piano.

Guy: Wow, where you get that small guy. He's so tiny!
Bartender: There's a gieney (how do you spell it!! i want to say that guy in an artifact that casts wishes) behind my counter who granted be a wish
Guy: Cool, can i have a wish?
Bartender: Suit yourself, but remember, you have to talk loud or the gieney (sp?) wont hear ya well. You only got one wish.

Guy goes over the back and asks 20 pair of socks because all of his are ripped and/or dirty. He leaves to check home if he has received his 20 pair of socks. He comes back to the bartender the next day.

Guy: Hey what is this, i got 20 pair of ducks instead of socks.
Bartender: Told you to talk loud. What, you think i asked for a 12-inch prick?
(thanks to bobjones for the joke)
Post away!!

[Balthor]

why are mushrooms so popular...
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because theyre FUN-GI!

wokka wokka wokka!

*yes yes throw your tomatoes later *

[nosaJ]

*Brain freeze*
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[Daikarin]

A priest and a sailor go to play golf together.
It's the sailor's turn to play. He swings and misses the ball.
- Fuck, I missed - he said.
The priest then says:
- My son, do not speak that way or God will punish you.
The sailor tries to hit the ball again and he misses.
- FUCK, I missed! - he repeats.
- My son, you really shouldn't speak that way or God WILL punish you! - the priest says.
The sailor goes for a 3rd swing... misses.
- FUCK, I miss... - he says.
- That's it, now God will most certainly punish you. - The priest says.
In that moment a bolt of lightning comes out from the heavens and hits the priest. And a voice from the sky says:
- FUCK, I MISSED!

[Balthor]

Man 1: MY CAT HAS NO NOSE!!!

Man 2: Thats awful! How does he smell?!

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Man 3: AWFUL!!!

YUK YUK YUK!

god I love corn jokes

[Dangerous55]

Dabra I heard that one in many forms.

Jokes- Lol, I cant think of any...but I am on the case.

[Last_Saiyan]

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no

one wants to go there.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a Dick.

[rbf2000]

This rope goes into a bar and asks the bartendor for a drink. The bartender replyed, "We don't serve your kind here."

So the rope goes outside tears his ends and gets all tangled up.

He went back in the bar and asked for a drink. The bartender asked, "Aren't you that rope that was just in here?"

And he replied, "No, I'm a Frayed knot."

nyuk nyuk nyuk.

EDIT: I think I got the joke right the second time...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: rbf2000 on 2002-06-19 16:24 ]</font>

[Balthor]

knock knock...

whos there?

madam...

madam who?

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MA-DAM FOOT STUCK IN THE DOOR OPEN UP!

hyuk!

[nosaJ]

On 2002-06-19 15:03, Ultimate wrote:
A priest and a sailor go to play golf together.
It's the sailor's turn to play. He swings and misses the ball.
- Fuck, I missed - he said.
The priest then says:
- My son, do not speak that way or God will punish you.
The sailor tries to hit the ball again and he misses.
- FUCK, I missed! - he repeats.
- My son, you really shouldn't speak that way or God WILL punish you! - the priest says.
The sailor goes for a 3rd swing... misses.
- FUCK, I miss... - he says.
- That's it, now God will most certainly punish you. - The priest says.
In that moment a bolt of lightning comes out from the heavens and hits the priest. And a voice from the sky says:
- FUCK, I MISSED!