FanFic: |¦untitled¦|-prologue

[AngelEyez]

Well guess im somewhat back not that ya missed me. Well here's my new fic, its like the other one but i worked on the plot and things so yeah. Here we go.

Prologue
Forgotten Heroes (for now)
---

"Sir you need to take a look at this"

"What is it"

"Our satellite has found one, co-ordinates, Q-7 on the grid map"

"Its closer then I thought. Inform them, our operation begins."

-------
Altaire Conference Hall.

"This is preposterous, forming an alliance with Black Paper to seek another planet. It is not right, if the planet dies then so will its people. Besides I am positive I speak for everyone here that we have no reason to trust you, You have helped this planet become this decaying rock." A young scientist blurted out as he heard one of the Black Paper leaders proposition.

"Calm yourself Professor." An elderly woman said raising her hand. She looked relatively young though wrinkles shown under her eyes. Faded blonde and white hair framed her face and cascaded down her back. Her eyes were an icy blue that held no emotion. This woman was the Principal of the planet Coral. The Altaire country flag hung behind her. Dressed in a stiff blouse and skirt, her hands now crossed in her lap she slightly leaned forward and spoke to a man across the table.

" Mr. Katori, he has brought up a point. We do not have any reason to trust you. Black Paper has committed unforgivable felonies. You have captured Hunters, forced them into slavery, conducted bio-weaponry and nuclear weaponry that has been outlawed long before our time. Black Paper has the lust for power and their greed is what drives them. However, because I am thinking of the people of this planet I will let you speak."

From across the table a man rose to his feet. A confident smile painted across his lips. "Thank you Principal. We, Black Paper, have done our share of crimes. However major they are that doesn't really matter at the moment. What do matter are the people of this planet good and bad alike. We are aware of the situation and we have decided to help out the best way we know how. Months ago back we launched three satellites to scan the galaxy for another inhabitable planet. Two of the satellites were lost and are most likely still probing the universe for a planet however the third satellite has already completed its mission. It has returned to us with data about the planet. We have already calculated how many years it would take, we have constructed blue prints of ships to get there and colonies to place there. All the information you need is on this disc" he said to her sliding a disc to the other side of the metal table.

Taking the disc in hand she opened a slot in the metal table and slid the disc into it. The middle of the table opened up and a blue photonic orb rose up. Lighting up the orb shot an image of all the information the disc contained. Approximate years, blueprints, wildlife, the planet atmosphere, the works. After looking over the information she Principal sighed and looked to her officials to her left and scientists to her right. After brief talk she came to her conclusion.

"Mr. Katori--"

"Please, call me Zet."

"Zet, this is quite amazing and it is great you took initiative, however, the Government will not help you. We do not know if this is cover up. We, I, still don't trust you and never will. My word is final, we are going to stay here, on this planet and if you go through with this plan your ships will be shot down. Thank you for you time gentlemen."

The Principal rose to her feet and walked through the old style wooden door behind her accompanied by her guards, secretary, and the three scientists.

Shocked Zet sat back down in his seat. Anger shot through him, his defined muscles bulged through his black overcoat as he clenched his fist. Looking over to a pink haired lady next to her he gave a nod and slowly got up and walked out of the room. The pink haired lady then walked into the Principals room along with a purple armored android now brandishing a glowing scythe.

Zet walked down the steps of the big building and as he got to the bottom step he was awarded with numerous screams coming from inside the building. The sun shown on his bronze skin, he welcomed the warmth on such a cold day. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he walked towards the curb where a hovering vehicle waited for him.

"That stupid women, she had her chance. Ills have to do this the hard way now. When the re-elections come ill need Tyrell running for it. The Pioneer Project will go through" the leader of one of the ten nations of Black Paper thought to himself.

Entering the vehicle a scientist was patiently waiting for him.

"Ah, Zet, how did the meeting go? Auburn go for it?"

"No, we need Tyrell running for re-election. Have you heard from Montague?"

" Yes, he was intrigued with the operation though he would not join, it seems he is working on something..Important."

"So he is not joining us?"

"Well, I gave him an offer he couldn't refuse"

"That's what I like to hear Osto."

The vehicle waited until two figures came from the great doors of the conference hall. The pink haired lady in a business suit with a large red claw came out first followed by the lanky, purple android. They walked slowly and entered the vehicle as well. Once they were in the hover mobile rose up and sped away.
-----------------------------------------------------
Its pretty weak but it sets up some info. Constructive criticism would be nice and good comments of course.

[Sagasu]

Welcome back angeleyez

You know the drill, nothing personal, the ruthlessness about to ensue is simply for your own benefit.

"Sir you need to take a look at this"

"What is it"

"Our satellite has found one, co-ordinates, Q-7 on the grid map"

"Its closer then I thought. Inform them, our operation begins."

While this probably is not your intention, lets talk about why sci fi really pisses a lot of people off. All the techniqual talk. It has always irked me when people start ratting on about sub paragraph c of the beta squardron unit supernova boom thing

So just a heads up, most dont care about whether you have your facts straight, most people just want a good entertaining read. Words that mean something to us, like hatred and betrayel, now those ring a bell. I get no mental image when you're talking about Q gritty maps, so bleh.

lets move on.

-------
Altaire Conference Hall.

"This is preposterous, forming an alliance with Black Paper to seek another planet. It is not right, if the planet dies then so will its people. Besides I am positive I speak for everyone here that we have no reason to trust you, You have helped this planet become this decaying rock." A young scientist blurted out as he heard one of the Black Paper leaders proposition.

Once again this is kinda about preference, but there are certain things that make dialogue tedious work. One of these things is the process of not making it sound like horribly dubbed anime subtitles. Remember, we cannot hear the voices that are speaking as you can inside your head, we just need a little bit more than just what is being said.

There is no simple way to do this, for it takes a lot of time to develop the habit of doing it naturally. Take some time to study just how human beings verbally interact with one another. Now since rooms filled with scientists and black market leaders are somewhat rare these days one has to be a bit more imaginative. I happen to know a few scientists myself, and quite a few 'upper class' citizens of this society, and I can tell you that generally unless they're talking about their work, you'll hardly hear them speaking in perfect, plain english.

Unless they are in the physics field, those people are simply entertaining yet terribly confusing. Anyways, see what I'm getting at? Also, these are not just simply stereotypes, scientist - uses big fancy words, mafia - snide witty or elusive comments. When writing about people, you have to consider peoples personality. Generally when one watches or reads about someone speaking, they learn a great deal about them. How they react to the situation, their choice of words, etc. So its quite obvious there are many levels of details you can delve into, all depending on how much effort you are willing to put forth into it. Not only the main characters have distinguishing features, y'know.

"Calm yourself Professor." An elderly woman said raising her hand. She looked relatively young though wrinkles shown under her eyes. Faded blonde and white hair framed her face and cascaded down her back. Her eyes were an icy blue that held no emotion. This woman was the Principal of the planet Coral. The Altaire country flag hung behind her. Dressed in a stiff blouse and skirt, her hands now crossed in her lap she slightly leaned forward and spoke to a man across the table.

I doubt I'll tear apart every paragraph, but here we go.

To put it this way, this description is flat. There is more to defining someone than just this. Now while there is a good difference betweeen "blue eyes" and "icy blue eyes" it isnt enough. I could continue to add onto the color blue "Icy blue eyes that reflect the weathered wisdom of the deepest ocean." and still sound rather dull. Why? Because descriptions themselves are long, dull, and annoying to read. Even if you describe to the minute detail, you will have a mess of minute details that dont relate to one another.

If you wish to give the clearest image possible, unless I'm completely off the mark, one must create them in a series of cause and effects. Like one thing related to another. Instead of. "Icy blue eyes, pretty pale blonde hair going down back and shoulders, not many crinkles." (note that I am not bothering to quote you exactly on this to exaggerate)

"However young she appeared, one could see the signs that betrayed her age to the world. Lines of experience eroded underneath her eyes, which were blank with the lack of compassion, two chilling blue orbs set in smooth skin, illuminated by the pale gold shower of hair that framed her face and cascaded down her back."

[/showing off] *ahem* You can see several things that I've done differently. A: one thing leads to the next, it is no longer a list of pysical traits. B: my choice of words relates to create a deeper meaning, such as. Age - experience, blank - lack of,lack of compassion is often quite - chilling, illuminated - pale gold, shower - cascade. Etc.

And C: if you wish to continue to chop the details into a list, it is best to seperate them by a bit of action. Nobody wants to read a paragraph describing how elegantly a leaf falls to the ground.

Nobody sane at least.

" Mr. Katori, he has brought up a point. We do not have any reason to trust you. Black Paper has committed unforgivable felonies. You have captured Hunters, forced them into slavery, conducted bio-weaponry and nuclear weaponry that has been outlawed long before our time. Black Paper has the lust for power and their greed is what drives them. However, because I am thinking of the people of this planet I will let you speak."

Thinking of the good of the people or not you still are a politician goverend by rules that you yourself have little power to alter without causing a large media conspiracy. In the real world, the 'good guys' dont associate with the 'bad guys'. The good guys send out their tracking dogs and boys in blue to imprison or kill all the potential threats to their kingdom. [/minor rant of how the world works]

But seriously, if this man is wearing anything but manacles and an orange suit you're seriously killing the suspension of disbelief. Hell even in manacles, the most high ranking person on the planet assossiating with a notorious criminal organization represenative just because shes thinking of the 'good of the people'?

What the fuck?

From across the table a man rose to his feet. A confident smile painted across his lips. "Thank you Principal. We, Black Paper, have done our share of crimes. However major they are that doesn't really matter at the moment. What do matter are the people of this planet good and bad alike. We are aware of the situation and we have decided to help out the best way we know how. Months ago back we launched three satellites to scan the galaxy for another inhabitable planet. Two of the satellites were lost and are most likely still probing the universe for a planet however the third satellite has already completed its mission. It has returned to us with data about the planet. We have already calculated how many years it would take, we have constructed blue prints of ships to get there and colonies to place there. All the information you need is on this disc" he said to her sliding a disc to the other side of the metal table.

"Thats wonderfull mr dirty paper represenative. Your business will be siezed and used to our own benefit, you and all assosciated to you will never see the light of day again for you are to rot in the dungeons of coral during 8 consecutive life sentences." v.v

Government isnt governmenty enough, but I'll get off that subject. While I'm not sure about the story line of pso (hell, I dont give a care about the story line, butcher it all you like, just make it look good) I'm pretty certain it would take a number of years to get satellites out that far, find the planet, then send to info back. While lots of tecniqual crap is annoying, things like a super mini pistol that blows up planets are simply a nono. Things like finding a suitable planet to sustain life would take forever, it'd probably take less time to terraform yourself a new planet instead.

Taking the disc in hand she opened a slot in the metal table and slid the disc into it. The middle of the table opened up and a blue photonic orb rose up. Lighting up the orb shot an image of all the information the disc contained. Approximate years, blueprints, wildlife, the planet atmosphere, the works. After looking over the information she Principal sighed and looked to her officials to her left and scientists to her right. After brief talk she came to her conclusion.

"Mr. Katori--"

"Please, call me Zet."

"Zet, this is quite amazing and it is great you took initiative, however, the Government will not help you. We do not know if this is cover up. We, I, still don't trust you and never will. My word is final, we are going to stay here, on this planet and if you go through with this plan your ships will be shot down. Thank you for you time gentlemen."

So, my "wtf...?"'s are.

They're letting crime lords run rampant?

They're not stealing the ideas for themselves?

One person, even the principal, doesnt exactly have the power to go and say something will not be put into action. Unless we're talking about a monarchy or a dictatorship, but still, come on.

They wouldnt put a stop to it before their ships were built? Even if this man is not really a criminal and simply a person who works for a place with a rather grimy history, the governemt would be watching their corporation so carefully nobody would be able to take a piss without them knowing, scanning, and documenting it. Neh, my 2 cents on that.

The Principal rose to her feet and walked through the old style wooden door behind her accompanied by her guards, secretary, and the three scientists.

Shocked Zet sat back down in his seat. Anger shot through him, his defined muscles bulged through his black overcoat as he clenched his fist. Looking over to a pink haired lady next to her he gave a nod and slowly got up and walked out of the room. The pink haired lady then walked into the Principals room along with a purple armored android now brandishing a glowing scythe.

Zet walked down the steps of the big building and as he got to the bottom step he was awarded with numerous screams coming from inside the building. The sun shown on his bronze skin, he welcomed the warmth on such a cold day. Stuffing his hands in his pockets he walked towards the curb where a hovering vehicle waited for him.

"That stupid women, she had her chance. Ills have to do this the hard way now. When the re-elections come ill need Tyrell running for it. The Pioneer Project will go through" the leader of one of the ten nations of Black Paper thought to himself.

The whole.. assassinate the highest ranking person on the blanet seems a bit, no.. way too damned easy?

Eh, and Zet deserves to be shot for calling himself sucha fugly name [/balant opinion]

Entering the vehicle a scientist was patiently waiting for him.

"Ah, Zet, how did the meeting go? Auburn go for it?"

"No, we need Tyrell running for re-election. Have you heard from Montague?"

" Yes, he was intrigued with the operation though he would not join, it seems he is working on something..Important."

"So he is not joining us?"

"Well, I gave him an offer he couldn't refuse"

"That's what I like to hear Osto."

The vehicle waited until two figures came from the great doors of the conference hall. The pink haired lady in a business suit with a large red claw came out first followed by the lanky, purple android. They walked slowly and entered the vehicle as well. Once they were in the hover mobile rose up and sped away.

The pink haired lady.. and the lanky purple android.. Do I even need to comment on sue and kireek? (err, at least thats who I think they are) Some grammatical errors, but nothing too annoying nor noteworthy.

So far so good, and interesting backstory the the undefined beginnings of the pioneer projects. Crime lords and uber villians are always fun. Take your time and plan things out carefully.

Take what ye like from what I've said.

Leave the rest as a warning.


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Sagasu on 2005-03-15 01:47 ]</font>

[AngelEyez]

*takes notes*...well from what i gather from the game the entire pioneer project was because of black paper and their craving for power or something..anywho im taking my time for chapter 1 this time so dont know when it will be up

[EphekZ]

I like it, although now that sagasu pointed all those "problems" out, I agree very much so.

O well I like it...yea....make it good.