It's more like, my anger hurts (like literally hurts - it's like my forehead is burning with a kind of sunburn-esque pain) and pain normally impairs my intelligence (or rather, it distracts me and makes it hard to focus on what I actually would LIKE to say). Not to mention, most times when my anger has built up to the insane levels that it has, someone has legit gotten hurt because of it. Whether I hurt their feelings, or actually physically harm them (and that has happened often - I've lost count of how much but I'm not eager to recall), the point is that things go to hell because I'm there when my anger swallows my good heart whole. And as someone who cares for others' well being, having people's feelings/bodies be hurt as a result of my own actions (be they a result of my anger or not, I'm still the douche who did them) is not something I look kindly on. And besides, anger's just one of the many pains that hurt like hell (guilt is another, and that shit's just as bad to deal with).
Well, nothing really wrong with any of that. Certainly, it's important to manage anger, but it's a good thing that you acknowledge it and that you are making efforts to do so. It means that you'll succeed. Only real question is when. So I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were in your position. You'll get there. In the meantime, you don't need to beat yourself up over it either. People get angry, and some people are naturally better at dealing with it than others. That, for some, it comes easier than others, isn't what is important, what is important is that you learn to succeed in managing that anger. Doesn't matter how long it takes, or how many times you might fail to manage it properly, as long as you get there, it's all good. Until then, just do your best and don't let your shortcomings get to you. Doing that is no different from directing your anger to yourself. It isn't pathetic, it's human. We have our flaws, but they don't define us unless we let them. It seems to me that you aren't letting your flaws define you, so as long as you keep trying, eventually, you'll rectify that flaw. Sorry if that isn't really warranted or wanted, I make it a hobby of helping people, though I tend not to care whether they want it or not, eheh. You seem like a nice person, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Sorry if it's a bother.
It wasn't your fault. Nor was it directly anything you said. I don't even know why I get angry anymore. It's just so irritating to deal with (my anger, that is), and so much of my energy goes towards trying to keep it down that I don't think about the shit that I say. Probably a result of loneliness or a product of it... can't tell. I feel like my anger causes problems and that's why I avoid people. I'm too passionate about what I believe in, that I'll resort to personal attacks to defend what I believe in. It's fucking pathetic, I know, but until I figure out a way to get rid of this anger (or manage it in a way that doesn't harm or inconvenience anyone else), I have to isolate myself as best as I can. Doesn't mean I still don't crave interaction, just that I'm terrible at it.
I don't know if it means anything to you, but I don't think you're stupid. What you had to say was creative and required intelligence to think of in the first place. Everyone has a different perspective, and it's perfectly sensible to come to different conclusions based on examining the same ideas presented. While I was disagreeing, I did like what you had to say. It was interesting and a change of pace from what I would normally expect. I'm sorry that you're in a bad mood over the disagreement, and I'd like to apologize that it resulted in that. I argue without considering emotions on either side, so I have a habit of being ruder than I mean to be, because I word things to get ideas across, without regard for whether the wording can be perceived as hurtful or antagonistic. I don't mean to be hurtful, but at times, like these, I am, and I am sorry for it.
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