My Sister

[Tessu]

Life must be difficult when you alienate everyone that actually gives a shit about you.

Two days ago, my sister freaked out at me, hit me, threw shit at me, and threatened to kill me while trying to break down my door (which she did succeed in breaking off a good chunk of it), and later persistently threatened to kill me in my sleep and break everything that was valuable to me. It's a long story and one that's been told too many times, so I won't get into it beyond that. I would, however, like to highlight the fact that I am consistently nice to my sister, I don't speak negatively to her, and I regularly do favors for her and ask nothing in return.

Today, when she woke up, she asked me to give her a ride somewhere. I said no. She said "Well, you better not leave your computer out in the open then." Then, a few hours later, she came in and apologized. I was straight up with her: "I understand that you're sorry and I'm glad, but it's not going to go away just like that, and I'd at least like some time to build up trust with you again and let you redeem yourself." She said okay and that she understood. Then, about 20 minutes ago, she said she needed a ride home because none of the buses were running, she had no money, and mom and dad are out. I said no. She said "So I slapped you. Are you SAD about it? Are you gonna cry about it?" and I said, "If it's going to be that way, then definitely no." And she said, "God, this is why I slapped your bitch ass." I just hung up at that point.

She wouldn't be in that situation with better planning--if she had communicated properly with our parents and figured out exactly when she was coming home and when they could pick her up. And there's no reason she shouldn't have any money, my dad gives her at LEAST $30 a day.

What frustrates me is that she probably won't understand this: "I am not receiving a ride from my sister because she has consistently been nice to me in the past, and I recently left her with a handful of bruises and a broken door. It sucks to be where I am, but I guess some of my actions have repercussions and I probably shouldn't treat people who care about me that way." or at least "I shouldn't treat people who I'm going to ask favors from that way."
Instead, what she's probably thinking is, "God Tess is such a bitch for leaving me out here what the fuck who does that I'm her little sister. I guess I can't rely on her for anything ever. I can't rely on anyone. I don't trust anyone. No one understands me."

I don't want to perpetuate the latter attitude at all. But I really don't want her to believe she can do this to people and keep getting rewarded for it. The day after this all happened, my dad gave her a shitload of money. I just... ugh. I don't feel right. I feel guilty. But I shouldn't. Should I? :\

[Scrub]

LOTS of BIG WORDS

How old is your sister? If she's an adult then (in my experience so take it with a grain of salt) any time and effort you spend trying to get her to change or treat people with respect is going to be a complete waste of time. The best thing you can do for someone like this is to just get them out of your life (may not be an option I guess? dont know). Don't feel guilty at all for having to put up with someone's bullshit either. If you keep doing things for people who disrespect you, what is that telling them? Take NO shit.

[BIG OLAF]

How old is your sister? If she's an adult then (in my experience so take it with a grain of salt) any time and effort you spend trying to get her to change or treat people with respect is going to be a complete waste of time. The best thing you can do for someone like this is to just get them out of your life (may not be an option I guess? dont know). Don't feel guilty at all for having to put up with someone's bullshit either. If you keep doing things for people who disrespect you, what is that telling them? Take NO shit.

To add to this, has she always acted this way? Is it a new thing? If this just all started out of the clear blue recently, then maybe something is bothering her. Maybe she's hurting for some reason and lashing out. If you are able, sit down with her and try to ask her what's wrong. Remind her that you're sisters and she can talk to you about anything, and that you love her and care about her (for now >.>).

That's if she wants to talk about it. If not, you'll probably just get attacked again, so tread carefully if you feel like acting upon my suggestion.

[Ghost Inside]

I just... ugh. I don't feel right. I feel guilty. But I shouldn't. Should I? :\

No you shouldn't! Alright? Stay strong! *hugs*

I don't know the shole story here but that doesn't really matter, you can't treat people like shit and expect to get favours in return. Seriously!
Even a child would get that much!

Sounds like you have a very troubled sister. Makes me wonder if anything... Happened... In the past.
Generally there'd be a reason for behaviour like that but... Some people just aren't easy to help at all as they won't accept help.
I don't think people can change until they make up their own minds to do so.

[Tessu]

Take NO shit.

Left that part in because it made me chuckle.
She's not an adult--she's 16. That's why part of me feels weird for even complaining about this because she's just a stupid kid. Well, at least, that's what my family tells me--"Don't worry about your sister, she's only 16." Well, she's almost a sophomore in high school, and she failed every class in her freshman year and is on the fast track to nowhere and/or jail. The reason I spend so much time trying to build a positive relationship with her is because I think that would help her.

To add to this, has she always acted this way?

Not really--she started acting this way when she hit adolescence. It was actually a fairly gradual transformation, but it doesn't appear to be over yet. Every year, she gets meaner and more hateful, and relies more and more on her weed and alcohol and loser friends.
The other thing about her is, you can't sit down and talk to her. Remember why I said I never speak negatively to her? That is because ANY criticism whatsoever will make her fly into a rage and she'll never want to speak to you again. Even things like "Maybe you should focus more on school." She gets pissed because her argument is "Oh, now you're gonna tell ME what the fuck I should do? I'll do whatever the fuck I want."

*hugs*

*hugs back* Thank you. I still can't help but feel guilty, because I do care about her, but I know I shouldn't let her trample on me.
My mom and I have frequently wondered that. I don't know if that's the case--I was with her every second of her childhood, but then again, I can't even say for sure. She accepts no help whatsoever. I know it has to be her to change her mind. I try to aid her in making that decision. I just don't know when or if I should stop trying.

[BIG OLAF]

relies more and more on her weed and alcohol and loser friends.

This part right here explained a lot. Seems like she's heading down a bad, bad path. I'm talking like "gonna end up on 'The Dr. Phil Show'" kind of bad. Doesn't anyone, like your parents, do anything about this? She's going to end up a destroyed, burnt-out shell of a human if she's already hanging on those things at age 16.

[Peejay]

Tessu, in counter to the "You're gonna tell me what the fuck to do?" argument, say

"Would you rather have a guard telling you to get changed to an orange jumpsuit and go chop wood all day?" If she's smart, she'll realize it doesn't pay and reconsiders it.

But that's my suggestion.

[Tessu]

She's going to end up a destroyed, burnt-out shell of a human if she's already hanging on those things at age 16.

That's what I'm trying to prevent. I'm doing what I can do--trying to be a positive influence in her life, trying to motivate her to do well in school, helping her with her homework, etc. But I'm not her parent. My mom tries as well, but my mom also has to work her ass off like 24/7--some days, she leaves before I wake up and doesn't get home from work until after I've gone to sleep--so the most my mom can do is schedule doctor's appointments for her and such. Mom can't actually be here to parent her. And my dad... I don't even want to talk about my dad. Let's just say he has only made it worse and he will give her money when he knows what she's spending it all on.

But that's my suggestion.

We have been over this with her. Her response depends on when you bring it up.
If you tell her that a lot of what she's doing is illegal and she could get in jail for it, she'll laugh at you. And then say, "Oh, you were serious? C'mon I'm just trying to have fun. I'm not gonna get arrested or anything. I know how to avoid the cops."
Or, in the case of a few nights ago, when she was threatening to kill me and trying to break down my door, and I said, "I'm going to call 911 if this doesn't de-escalate," she just yells back "I'LL GIVE YOU A REASON TO CALL THE FUCKIN COPS BITCH! I'LL FUCKING SMASH YOUR FACE IN! CALL THE COPS! DO IT! I WANNA BEAT THEIR ASSES TOO!"


I'm starting to think I should have made a thread for this...

[Ghost Inside]

You know, the more I listen to you the more I think 'send her off to some camp for this sort of thing' since she's still not 18!
So she can be sent againt her will so long ar your parents aren't complete pushovers!
Which... It kind of sounds like your dad is. =/

'Cause when she turns 18 that option goes out the window! It really sounds bad enough that I can't think of anything better to do!

If left alone it's going to get worse...
I mean sure she could turn around, but that could take 10 years, 20 years for all you know! If she's still alive by then!

I don't want to tell you you should do this or that, especially since you're not her parent so it's not even something you can do. But... It's all I can think of really.

I hope I'm not going too far. I'll shut up if want me to. ._.

A thread would've been good...

[Crimera]

I'm deeply sorry about your sister. I have a question though, how old are you? You said it was your younger sister, but you didn't say HOW old you were.

"she just yells back "I'LL GIVE YOU A REASON TO CALL THE FUCKIN COPS BITCH! I'LL FUCKING SMASH YOUR FACE IN! CALL THE COPS! DO IT! I WANNA BEAT THEIR ASSES TOO!"


This...this sounds like someone who knows no punishment. All things in society need a deterrent. Even nuclear wars (nuclear deterrent). It keeps balance. It will keep balance in your household. You stop someone from doing something (worse case scenario) with the threat of equal force. It seems there is no one with the power (physical punishment...yes I'll be the one to say it) to stop her.

I know everyone's family is different, but this would not happen had there been an immediate threat of her getting her ass whipped by a parent or guardian. I understand the mother isn't around, but that isn't who I was talking about....