My Sister

[Crimera]

"she needs to have a royal ass whipping" and then that post o.0

The beat the crazy out of her idea is kinda what what i mean about society's shity attitude. Sure it might make her behave herself for a while but whatever is makeing her act like an asshole is still gonna be there and now she is bottling it up.

it's just an all round crappy situation you cant help her unless she admits she has a problem

Not sure what you're trying to say. Yes someone needs to discipline her. I dont like that this little sister is bullying everyone. None of them are doing it. So I recommended she get more REAL help from others, since they are (obviously) struggling with this young lady.

I mean, it makes me upset that as she was typing, this was going on. It isn't fair that people can just do what they want. I 'll say it again: The reason she thinks she can get away with it is because no one is capable of putting her in her place.

Once again, I apologize for your situation, and I mean no harm with my words.

EDIT: As Ive stated earlier.... I know everyone's family is different, so stop me if you feel I am going to far. I was just offering a different point of view.

[.Rusty.]

Its fucked up because it sounds like something your dad would say :/

[Outrider]

I think Rusty's point is that it seems like one could draw a very direct line from your father's abusive behavior that you described earlier in the thread to your reaction to Tessu's sister in this recent post.

For better or worse, the way we've been raised can significantly color the way we view the world. Sometimes it means act or think in a way that only continues the negative aspects of our upbringing. It's good to stop and think about our beliefs and thought processes from time to time to remedy that.

[AC9breaker]

This is a problem that started with parenting and can only be solved with parenting. From what I infer it seems like your parents are constantly working extreme hours, similar to what my parents where doing and how I grew up. As a result, both my oldest brothers and sister got into a lot of trouble.

I feel like your father needs to assert himself in the situation, and the whole family has to come to understand in unison that her actions are unacceptable, and if she doesn't get the message and conform then you've gotta show some tough love and kick her out. Even if she is 16. She's at the age now where her habits are already too deeply ingrained and a quality ass whooping isn't gonna have the same effect like it would on a child. It's all about tough love, now. One way or another she's gonna bring trouble to the family, and you guys have to seriously intervene to work together and cooperate to change her. She seems to have that self entitlement attitude thats common with the current generation though, so it'll be hard to get her to go against the grain.

There's a saying I remember hearing that "it takes a village to raise one child." I feel like thats another part of the problem too, her peers and who she associates and what she does when unsupervised. Even though she's still a child, shes at the cross road in life when shes about to be an adult. You should feel no sympathy for what you do because you are doing the right thing to help her be a better person. The sad thing is, I feel like she won't ever change until it's too late and even then may still be oblivious to what went wrong. She has to learn the consequences of her actions and choices and learn to man up to her mistakes.

[Crimera]

Its fucked up because it sounds like something your dad would say :/

My dad wouldn't have said anything though. He was a hard one to read. He mostly didn't talk much. If you're talking about the Royal as whipping part, let me make myself clear on that subject. I stated that the consequence of equal force needs to be applied at home. She ruins valuables at home? Take away hers (make her work to pay it off). She threatens to hurt someone, she needs to have her hiney whipped. Old fashioned style).

There is an extreme difference between trying to kill your family and bending a child over your leg for some good ol' fashion. Granted, I know now this isn't possible with her (she is too wild). Which is why I would say they need to talk to everyone they possibly can. Seek outside help.

In that scenario, I wanted to present an extreme case of bad parenting. I wanted to show how NOT to discipline. Obviously, I was against abusive behavior. I notice a lot of parents share the same fear of not being able to properly discipline their children out of fear of doing "too much". They are afraid of having their children hate them.

My point is something needs to happen. And no one is doing it right now as it seems :/

This is a problem that started with parenting and can only be solved with parenting. From what I infer it seems like your parents are constantly working extreme hours, similar to what my parents where doing and how I grew up. As a result, both my oldest brothers and sister got into a lot of trouble.

I feel like your father needs to assert himself in the situation, and the whole family has to come to understand in unison that her actions are unacceptable, and if she doesn't get the message and conform then you've gotta show some tough love and kick her out. Even if she is 16. She's at the age now where her habits are already too deeply ingrained and a quality ass whooping isn't gonna have the same effect like it would on a child. It's all about tough love, now. One way or another she's gonna bring trouble to the family, and you guys have to seriously intervene to work together and cooperate to change her. She seems to have that self entitlement attitude thats common with the current generation though, so it'll be hard to get her to go against the grain.

There's a saying I remember hearing that "it takes a village to raise one child." I feel like thats another part of the problem too, her peers and who she associates and what she does when unsupervised. Even though she's still a child, shes at the cross road in life when shes about to be an adult. You should feel no sympathy for what you do because you are doing the right thing to help her be a better person. The sad thing is, I feel like she won't ever change until it's too late and even then may still be oblivious to what went wrong. She has to learn the consequences of her actions and choices and learn to man up to her mistakes.

I agree and disagree with a couple of your points. Let me explain.

If you kick her out, what happens to her? She ends up on the street with an excuse to do something REALLY stupid. Dead or locked up. If that is your goal (not saying you personally), then yes... great idea.

It started with parenting, but in this unique case... it cannot end with just parenting. The child has lost all respect for her parents somewhere down the line that we here are not aware of. Something happened to her. If they try to act like parents now and assert themselves, the child will notice. It isn't going to work.

"It takes a village to raise a child." Yes. Get her away from the wrong people, SURROUND her with the right people. Sometimes moving a child to a different school or state even works. Sometimes (like another poster said) moving the child to a boot camp might work. Someplace where she cannot feed off of negative energy and also will not have access to harmful substances. Sometimes the attention from all of these people will offer her what she needs.

Once again, she will notice what you 're trying to do. But in this scenario, you are offering her another way out...rather than trying to crush her pride (make her submit to the "right things") while still leaving her around the people and things that are bad influences. She will make the wrong decision every time. Sometimes this option works better.

[Ghost Inside]

My dad wouldn't have said anything though. He was a hard one to read. He mostly didn't talk much. If you're talking about the Royal as whipping part, let me make myself clear on that subject. I stated that the consequence of equal force needs to be applied at home. She ruins valuables at home? Take away hers (make her work to pay it off). She threatens to hurt someone, she needs to have her hiney whipped. Old fashioned style).

There is an extreme difference between trying to kill your family and bending a child over your leg for some good ol' fashion. Granted, I know now this isn't possible with her (she is too wild). Which is why I would say they need to talk to everyone they possibly can. Seek outside help.

In that scenario, I wanted to present an extreme case of bad parenting. I wanted to show how NOT to discipline. Obviously, I was against abusive behavior. I notice a lot of parents share the same fear of not being able to properly discipline their children out of fear of doing "too much". They are afraid of having their children hate them.

My point is something needs to happen. And no one is doing it right now as it seems :/

Violence should never be used as a means of punishment - that is abuse!
If you have to get a bit rough because the child is fighting you when you're trying to discipline (I.E. grounded, taking something away, tasks etc. etc.) then that's largely okay because it's not the violence that is the punishment. But that also still doesn't mean you can punch someone in the face!

Please note the difference!

I do think a move or the like might be good though. Definitively separating her from her 'friends' and possibly getting a chance to start things over. I still think the family would have to change their behaviour and actually be unified if that were to happen though. Simply because having an enabler around to usually circumvent puishment does not make for good parenting! Also good contacts with people at school, other people in the community.

Edit:
And as a side note all the people I know that have grown up with parents that like to resort to 'good ol' fashioned' are all pretty messed up. My counsin for example tried to hang himself at 10 years old and very nearly succeeded in taking his life (his brother cut him down just in time) because his father had a hot temper and his means of punishment was as just mentioned coupled with verbal abuse. He had some other issues too, my cousin, but his father was by far the biggest issue.

[Meyfei]

Do yourself and her a favour charge her ass. Scare the fuck outta her and have her put in the slammer for a week.

Or tell your dad to man up, she's a spoiled brat and needs some tough love IF she dont listen MAKE HER. otherwise it's poverty and sluthood. no offense.

Sorry if it's a tad rude, but i seen crap where i live. and trust me she needs a good scare. DEATH THREATS NO MATTER WHAT AGE SHOULDNT BE TOLERATED.
Breaking your door: invasion of privacy a Nono
verbal and physical assault.

But if she does hit yo smack her back. yeah violence dont solve much but it tells her to fuck off. otherwise she'll see you as an easy target

[Peejay]

Violence should never be used as a means of punishment - that is abuse!

I really want to go and just tell you off here, because there is nothing wrong with this in moderation either. Because now you have your hands legally tied behind your back, people will wonder why their kids are belligerent, fat, misguided piles of trash.

Oh, I really don't think the kid should do it, but legally, it's going to get to do whatever the fuck it wants anyways.

Yes, spanking a kid can do some good, yes, people can go overboard.

don't fucking generalize it like that.

I'm glad I got a spanking or two, really. It put me in my place and let me know who was in charge, and was ONLY done when it was necessary because my parents weren't fucking tools.

[Ghost Inside]

@ Peejay If my little side note upset you then I'll retract that if you want.
I'm just speaking from my experience, as that's all I've ever seen come out of it; I didn't mean to make it sound like an insult towards anyone. If that's how it came across then I apologise!

I stand by my view that violence should never be used just for punishment's sake however. There are plenty of other ways to correct or punish and in my view if you resort to violence then it means somewhere you failed in coming up with a good solution.

Feel free to disagree however.

[Crimera]

No offense taken Ghost


Like I said, I see this a lot. People don't want to "cross the line" with physical discipline.

It is ok.

As a parent however, it is your job to know how much is "too much". I cant tell you what it is. No one can. But it seems as though NO ONE has tried yet in her family. The father is the one I am looking at here. He is enabling her, by giving her money.