Daydreams of an angel and a fish

[PhotonDrop]

Spoiler!

- Finished with the latter half of the Fifth Dream. I didn't care much for how Torva turned out. Too arrogant and debauched. The bloodlust was off-putting as well, but I can overlook that since she'd seen some shit.

Overall I'd say that was a decent story. The pacing was just right and everything was wrapped up in a neat little package by the end.

- Was the Sixth Dream supposed to be a glimpse of the future?

- The call back in the Eighth Dream to his previous return to Heaven was pretty amusing. Frat boys?! Ha.

- Ninth & Tenth Dreams were pretty boring. I mean, no offense, those simply weren't to my taste. I see their importance for later, just ... yeah. Neat imagery though.

[Zorafim]

Spoiler!

I never wanted Torva to be a good character. She was horribly messed up in a vulnerable part of her life, and that's going to leave an impact. She was just someone that Zorael latched on to. And it's questionable whether or not doing so did any good for her. He saved her life, but she became self serving to dull her pain. Her name is even a mutation of the latin word for 'savage' (torvus, I think?).
Regardless, he was able to use her to complete his goal and do some good. Bandit attacks fell, trade rose, society flourished. I did try to drop hints that Torva mellowed out later in life, but they were probably pretty weak.
I'm glad you liked the side story. I really needed something like this at part of the story, especially since it would be a while until I can get back to something like it.


Sixth dream was my way to try to show that Zorael didn't stop at one adventure. He had hundreds of them on various planets. It took me way too long to get through one, so I needed to find another way to get that across. It seems like I handled it poorly though, since nobody caught that.


Was Eighth the one with the groupies? Nobody seems to comment on the groupies.
Heaven is too often considered too clean and boring, but it's often described as a big party with all of God's chosen. I wanted to get across that it's not just priests and philosophers up there, there's a huge variety of different people. And who better to party with than frat boys?


Thank you for your feedback. I don't think anyone liked this segment of the story. It makes sense, he's spending hundreds of years in a small confined space performing repetitive tasks making marginal progress. That's usually why training sessions are normally done in montages, I suppose. Looking back, I probably should have done this in one update, focusing only on the advancements.
I did have fun with the imagery though. I love weird creatures.
Hopefully things pick up for you after this. Things do get less lonely.

[Zorafim]

Eighth Analysis: Awakening

Spoiler!

Suggested Listening

Blue light shimmered into a glass room. Its shape was simple, each of the four translucent walls equaling the others in height and width. White silhouettes showed through each wall, not quite giving enough detail to make out their source. The wall in back had a clear view outside. Below was an endless ocean, with a calming sphere of light glowing at its core. High above was the calm surface of this ocean. Not a ripple disrupted its rest, allowing the bright stars above to shine through.

Inside the room were spread three groups of three cylinders. The room’s back left corner held the triad of glass cylinders containing beasts grand and elegant; their forms strong, swift, and graceful. The room’s back right corner held the triad of cylinders containing minds wise and cunning; their forms holding logic, knowledge, and creativity.

And before the final triad of cylinders greeting the entrance of the room stood a figure with a tall posture, yet one who stood lost and confused.

Far to her left rested Behemoth, Ziz, and Narcissa. From Behemoth came her strength, gifting her with powerful strikes and durable form. From Ziz came her swiftness, gifting her with movement faster than most eyes can follow. From Narcissa came her grace, gifting her with control over her motions and mastery over her foes.

Far to her right rested Lovelace, Alexander, and Da Vinci. From Alexander came her knowledge, gifting her with the ability to retain every fact she had learned. From Da Vinci came her creativity, gifting her with the ability to weave these facts into ideas. And from Lovelace came her swiftness of mind, gifting her with the ability to process these ideas and carry them to their conclusion.

Yet, what of those who rested before her? These of modest body and simple mind, what lost gifts had this triad to give?

Peter floated frontmost of the three, his body decorated with traits of a lion. His face, lowered in eternal contemplation, nonetheless shined with determination.

Theresa floated leftmost of the three, her body decorated with traits of a dove. Her face, eternally lowered in obedience, shined with humility.

Mary floated rightmost of the three, her body decorated with traits of a lamb. Her face, lowered in eternal rest, smiled in kindness.

Courage. Humility. Kindness. These were traits which made these beings an equal to any other who rested in this room. And these were traits which were more alien to her than any world she visited. For decades she accepted this. But she now found there to be something missing from her. Something which allowed a weak and simple minded maid to do something she could not.

So, she did what she had always done. She stood. She waited. She gazed wide-eyed upon their bodies, studying their every detail. She processed every piece of information she learned, attempting to gain any knowledge she could.

And as she did, she heard the sound of flesh upon ice approach from behind her.

“Leviathan, here you are. What are you doing here?”

Leviathan stood unmoving, keeping her unflinching gaze upon the three corpses floating before her.

“…why did you create me?”

Suggested Listening

Surprise flashed across Zorael’s face at the question. He closed his eyes and lowered his gaze for a moment, before collecting his thoughts. He turned his head back towards her before answering:

“I suppose, I created you to see what I could do.”

She gave no reaction at the response. She maintained her gaze at the corpses before her.

“I never gave it much thought, I suppose. There were just things I wanted to do. I wanted to see life. Then I wanted to create life. Then I had so many ideas I wanted to try. I pushed myself as far as I could, and the end result was you.”

Leviathan continued her unflinching gaze. The room stood in perfect stillness as silence hung in the air.

“Then, I exist to be a testament of your skill.”

The tone of her voice was empty. She spoke as fluidly as a song, yet her tone carried no meaning.

“Leviathan… what is this about?”

“…I saw something during my last assignment I do not understand.”

“Face me.”

She broke her gaze from the triad and turned it toward Zorael. Her body was neutral, arms hanging limply to her side. Her face was expressionless, eyes wide and empty. All character she had gained over her numerous assignments had vanished into the void stare she carried before she began.

“Continue.”

Zorael looked at Leviathan as an artist would his unfinished sculpture, looking for flaws on its porcelain surface.

“I saw a human perform an action I do not understand. Humans act to further their existence. Yet this one knowingly performed an act which ended her life.”

“And you’ve been trying to understand this?”

“Yes.”

Zorael walked to Leviathan’s side. He gazed up to his past creations stowed in their icy tombs, as she continued to stare at him.

“And what brought you here?”

She turned her gaze back to the creations as well.

“I do not understand her motive. I do not understand the purpose of these beings. Therefore, a connection may exist.”

“And what have you found?”

“Little. Whatever secrets you hid in these beings, they are lost to me.”

Zorael continued his stare into the three cylinders before him, memories of past experimentations flooding his mind. He then shifted his gaze to the cylinders to his right before speaking again.

“Look to my creations of mind. What secrets they hold are also hidden deep within them. You would not be able to gain their strengths by studying their bodies.”

“I don’t understand. It is evident from Lovelace’s many and complex appendages that her mind is able to process a large number of commands at once.”

“You see that because you know what to see. A complex mind likes yours knows what a complex mind is capable of. But a simple mind sees nothing.
So it is with my creations of soul. To one with a strong soul, their traits are evident simply by looking upon their face. But without that soul, one would see nothing.”

Leviathan gazed once more at the triad before her. She then lowered her gaze, closing her eyes in acceptance.

“Then I cannot fulfill my purpose…”

Zorael looked back at Leviathan with a curious expression.

“What are you talking about?”

She kept her eyes closed as she spoke:

“My purpose is to be an example of your skill. I am unable to exemplify a third of your craftsmanship. Therefore; my purpose is unfulfilled.”

“Is that…”

Zorael brought his hand to his chin, contemplating her words.

Suggested Listening

“I suppose you’re right. My goal was to combine all these traits into one being. I compromised because of a design flaw I could not circumvent…”

Leviathan raised her head slightly, looking at Zorael from the corner of her eye.

"And you have been unable to bypass this flaw?"

Zorael shifted his weight to one leg while burying his head into his fist.

“No. A mind born with kindness will feel what all other beings feel, even those which are hypothetical. One also born with courage will do everything in its power to bring kindness to all it knows. And one born with knowledge knows it is powerless to bring kindness to all those it knows is living in suffering. And even the strongest mind I develop will go mad in searching for a solution.”

“A compromise must exist.”

“There is the only one I could find. The only soul I can create is emulated, while my minds are real. So, I focus on what I do best.”

Leviathan returned her gaze to the floor.

“What of examples in a natural setting? How would those develop?”

“Mmm… God gifts a being with a fragment of his self. This fragment then grows and is shaped by the being’s experiences. As its body grows in strength to survive in its world, and its mind develops skills to adapt to its environment, so does its soul grow to meld with those it lives with.”

"And in emulating a soul in your creations, how was that managed?"

"I studied a mind expressing the effect of a soul's influence, and used that as a template for the mind I created. Though the body was an empty shell, its actions were indistinguishable from one experiencing the emotions I wished to emulate."

"The soul alters the mind, which manipulates the body... could the process not be reversed? Mimic the body of one experiencing the effects of the desired emotion, then teach the mind when these motions are suitable?"

Zorael looked up to the ceiling, placing his chin on his knuckle.

"I suppose it could. That process is not uncommonly seen."

Leviathan looked back up to Zorael, her gaze still empty and wide.

Zorael fidgeted absentmindedly, lost in this new hypothesis.

He noticed Leviathan's unwavering gaze.

He turned his eye toward her.

"...yes?"

"...I await your command."

"Command?"

"For us to begin. How shall I start my training?"

"You wish to begin a new curriculum so suddenly?"

"I do."

Zorael folded his arms and gave a low chuckle.

"I suppose it has been a while. It will take time for me to find suitable lessons for you, however."

"Understood."

Zorael reached forward and embraced Leviathan. She leaned forward awkwardly as he did.
After he left, she looked back to the frozen tombs before her.

A gaze of strength. A gaze of gentleness. A gaze of energy. These were the faces looking back at her.
How would these gazes look upon her face?

Author's Notes:

Spoiler!

Turns out caffeine is great for writing. My gaze is far less blurry and pained with some inside me.

I kinda rushed this one. I normally like proofreading it more to make sure the language flows well and I went over all the points I wanted to, as well as making sure the audience can visualize everything well. But I don't really want to spend much more time on it, considering how overdue it is anyway.
I'm hoping neat wording will distract from how boring it is. I'm not sure this chapter is needed or even canon, but it does allow me to set things up, so here it is. On the plus side, I've always wanted to do more dialogue. And I definitely have a lot of dialogue in this. Very long, very dry dialogue. That could have used some more work.

I had a rough time with the music. I knew what I wanted, and I wanted to use these songs for a while. But, why could I only find one of them with a repeat?

Ninth Analysis: Courage

[stukasa]

Spoiler!

I don't know what you're talking about, I thought it was pretty interesting. It was a step towards Leviathan as you've described her becoming. It was also good insight into her current thought process.

Here's a philosophical question for you: Should Leviathan be striving to fulfill the purpose Zorael set out for her? Keyword 'should.' Personally I've always had more of an individualistic philosophy, i.e. Zorael may have created her, but that doesn't mean she, an intelligent being, necessarily has to follow his will. She may have her own goals and motivations separate from his. Shouldn't she develop her personality based on her own desires? Just something to ponder.

I can relate when it comes to having a hard time with the music. There were chapters where I spent hours and hours looking for the right fit without any luck. Other times, it comes to me right away. I thought the music in your chapter worked well, though.

[yoshiblue]

Spoiler!

Well, at least you can right click and press loop, but I get what you mean. Coffee is also great for pumping stuff out, as well as tea.

I wouldn't worry about the amount of dialogue too much. For me it went by fast because it pretty much recaps where Levia comes from, but shines more light on their inner conflicts. Outside of that nothing new is really learned, or at least it feels that way, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Though it does make me wonder how Zorael was allowed to continue his work for as long as he has, especially when his increasingly recurring visits to recharge himself comes to mind. But hey, new chapter. So that's always cool, and working in a glass box in the ocean is always interesting to imagine.

[Zorafim]

@stukasa

Spoiler!

That's actually a really interesting question, which has many layers to it. If you phrase it in different ways (Is it the right thing to do vs Is it good for her, for instance), you'll get different answers. I think the main reason for this is, normal morality doesn't quite work as you would expect it to for Leviathan. For instance, 'cause no pain' is an obvious moral rule for humans to live by, because we feel pain and know it's bad. But if something does not feel pain or experience it in the same way, that rule becomes less obvious

With this in mind, let's go back to the question. If we take a typical situation - a human born from another human - the answer is clear. The child is an individual, and should act independently from his parents. But if we take a machine born from a human's hands, the answer is a clear no. A car is designed to transport objects, and is useless or even harmful if it performs any other function.

An interesting thing is that you referred to Leviathan as an intelligent being. But is that necessarily true at this point? If you take certain measures of intelligence, it certainly is. High levels of brain activity, high sensory input and processing, high levels of knowledge. But the same can be said of other things we wouldn't consider intelligent, such as computers or certain animals.
If you take other measures of intelligence though, she'll rank very poorly. She has little sense of self and individuality, things people look at to judge the sentience of animals. So, should the morality of this situation act as if she's more like a human, or more like a machine?

It's an interesting question with many lines of thought you can follow. But the most important one is probably the one Leviathan followed. 'I have no purpose, therefore I will adapt a purpose given to me'.


I actually got stuck on this reasoning for a while. I can't remember when I worked on it, whether it was months or years ago. I knew where I wanted to start, and where I wanted to end, but not how to get there. I didn't want to dwell on the typical story of "What is this thing called 'Love'?", but instead follow a logical path to sentience. I kept reaching a snag, though. "I have no needs, therefore a reason to act does not exist". This action was definitely displayed during Leviathan's younger years. And I can't think of any logic that exists for Leviathan to follow Zorael's commands besides "Why not".


Now. To reply to the rest of your message.

For your first part: My writing each chapter has at least two distinct stages; Imagining the chapter, and writing it. When I'm imagining the chapter, my imagination runs wild and I'm completely in love with everything I'm seeing. When I'm writing it, all that emotion is lost and all I'm left with are the facts. I need to portray these facts in as interesting a way as possible, and try to stay true to the memory I had originally.
Trouble is, I've already gone over that original memory so much, it's no longer interesting to me. So when I read something I write, even if it's amazing, it could seem dull to me just because of how much I worked on it.
So, I'm glad you found it interesting. That means I didn't lose too much of the original idea.

I am glad I was able to express Leviathan more this time around. Beforehand, she just acted and reacted. You couldn't see much of what was going on inside her. Here, she's acting creepy and mysterious. There, she's acting bossy and condescending. This is the first time she pieces something together herself.
This is something that I expressed during the writing stage. So, this chapter is probably one of the few times something is gained during that stage.


I feel like we've had a conversation about music before. When I listen to music, I always think of what kind of setting it would go good in. And when I imagine a scene, I try to think of what emotion is being portrayed, and what song can portray that emotion. Between those two, when I actually get to writing the chapter, I already have all the songs lined up, and maybe throw in a few more in intermediate scenes I didn't think of before.
Unfortunately, I seem to be out of 'lovely, emotionless' songs, though hopefully that won't be much of an issue going forward.

@yoshi

Spoiler!

I'm glad I finally decided to try tea. I had tried it before, but I guess I wasn't old or tired enough for it to show any effect? It's definitely working a lot for me now; my lost motivation has returned. I'm even working out more!

The balance between elaborating on what's going on and skipping over things readers already know is a tricky one. I try to er on the side of giving them information, because I know that there are things that are obvious to me that other people might not know. And no matter how hard I try, I always find out that I missed explaining something important.
For instance: That glass box in the ocean was attached to a glass castle. I tried to convey that this was just one of the lower rooms in that castle, but I guess that fell flat. We've been in this room before, even.
Also, I forgot until part way through writing that the prototype Leviathan is in there too, in the middle of the back wall. By the time I remembered, I couldn't find any places to squeeze that in. I had a rhythm going, and that fact threw me off.

As for the recharging: He only needs to recharge light energy from Heaven. All his other forms of magic are self-powered. At most points, he's simply a powerful soul with lots of experience in self-sufficiency. The light energy provides an extra push when he really needs it, and his infrequent visits to heaven is enough to keep him charged.

And unrelated: I just started playing an early access game called Subnautica, which is a survival/exploration game taking place entirely underwater. The imagery is incredible, so hopefully I can use it as inspiration for new areas. I'm kinda miffed that half my cast is a fish who has never had a scene underwater, so hopefully I can work on that.

[stukasa]

Spoiler!

The difference between Leviathan and a computer is that the computer can't think for itself (yet, anyway). Leviathan can, and has crossed into the realm of sentience. That's why she should be able to decide her own purpose while the computer should not. But since she hasn't decided on a purpose yet, I suppose following Zorael's wishes will do for now.

I know what you mean about ideas becoming less interesting the more you think about them. That's the reason I don't flesh out every facet of my story in advance. I leave a few details vague until I actually get to them, because if I knew everything that's going to happen in advance, I would lose interest in writing the story.

I've watched part of a Subnautica Let's Play so I know what you're talking about (and why a game like that would inspire you).

P.S. I don't drink coffee or tea. That means I have to rely on myself to stay focused while writing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[Zorafim]

Spoiler!

I exaggerated my argument to bring out a point, which is that human morality should not be used for non-humans. A good example is cats. Killing is horrible, and humans should never do it unless necessary. But for cats, killing is a natural and healthy thing. They have a strong instinct to kill small, quick animals, and it's harmful if they're kept from acting on this instinct. Fighting other cats is also another natural instinct they follow. So while it's wrong for humans to kill without reason, is it wrong for cats to kill?
It's certainly bad for your own pet cat to kill another cat, and you don't want him killing your outside bird. But changing that is just changing a natural behavior so the animal can better adapt to life with humans.

At the very least, I can agree that purpose should not be thrust on Leviathan from an outside source. If she is given a task or goal, she has every right to deny it. But she may not have the skills to create one for herself.
And I believe at the moment, that's an important aspect of her. She has a large skillset, but nothing that she wants to use those skills on.
I could be wrong, though. She spent the last few chapters (which is, what, a decade or so?) thinking she was better than everyone else. The last chapter shook her faith. It could be she just wants to get better, and is trying to justify that by fulfilling some kind of grand purpose.
I think that kind of thinking is too complex and animal for her though. I try to make her thinking as simple and utilitarian as possible, but maybe a few layers of thinking she isn't aware of have developed in her thinking.


Funny enough, I started a Subnautica Let's Play. It's mostly so I can study myself while I'm distracted with a task and see what I'm doing so I can modify my behavior. A form of self-therapy. It worked pretty well in the short term, hopefully I can use it for long term benefits.

And, caffeine... Well, you've seen how terrible my drive is when I rely on myself. Caffeine turned out to be a great tool for that, but now I need to figure out how to use it. I should definitely drink it early in days where I want to get stuff done, but it does have a few side effects I need to watch out for.
First night, I drank it because I took a three hour nap and I wanted to have a period of energy before I went back to sleep. Turns out that period of energy lasted ten hours. So, late day nap plus caffeine equals bad. I absolutely killed at work that monday though.

Oh, and I forgot to mention. I found a way to link a youtube video with repeat already working, but I decided not to use it this chapter. It had a few downsides that I didn't want to bother with.

[Sacrificial]

I wouldn't worry too much about using "dry dialogue" unless you really don't like writing it. I've noticed a lot of LN's use "dry dialogue" because it's easy to read and progress through character development. I find myself switching between that and that "3rd person past talking" forgot the correct term =/

[stukasa]

@Zorafim:

Spoiler!

I get what you're saying, though I think Leviathan has a lot more in common with a human than a cat. She was created by Zorael, who is also not human, but basically has human values. And, as far as I know, he created her with the same basic principles in mind. He wasn't trying to create a being with a totally different set of values. You can tell because of the creatures that came before her, creatures like Peter, Theresa, and Mary, who have very human traits.

Have the last few chapters taken place over a decade? I can never really tell with your story. It could be a week or seven hundred years for all I know.

I may not drink coffee, but I did learn never to have caffeine near bedtime. One night of lying awake for three hours was all it took.