PSO2: Legend of Aki: REBIRTH

[Zorafim]

21.2 (52)

Spoiler!

Oh, I like this first song. Cello makes everything better. And I swear that chord progression is just cheating at this point.

I like your use of emergency codes in your writing. It came off very naturally, and was a great way to tie your story in with the universe it takes place in.

I love seeing how dubstep has evolved. This is always the case for new music. It starts off as just noise that only the kids like because it's edgy and cool. Then it starts mixing with the popular stuff as a kind of fusion. Until eventually, it's just a tool to be used like any other. This happened with rap, jazz, any "new" music style.
I'm sure it'll happen again in the future. Never dismiss new types of art. Or new things in general. It may not sound great now, but you don't know what it can do until it fully evolves.
Sorry, I'm supposed to be commenting on the story? It's flowing well. I'm not thinking anything, which means you have me hooked as a reader I believe. But hopefully you knew that already.

Crap, cheesy moment! What horrible thing is about to happen?!
No, stop with the premonitions! What's going to happen!

Oh. Tentacles. Okay, no tragic deaths yet. Except for all those gut wrenching ones to show Typhon's immense strength.

So I notice you do that a lot. I haven't formulated a strong opinion on it yet. To clarify, I mean that you clue us in to things that will happen in the future.
My immediate instinct is to say not to do that. I would never, and I seem to think that it's in bad form. But I have no evidence to support that, and it is a powerful tool.
Instead, I'll say that it brings me out of the story. It reminds me that you're in control of everything that happens. That you dictate who lives, who dies, and if you do things correctly, how I feel. But at the same time, it can be powerful. Bringing us out of the story means that we have a sudden shift of emotion and thought.
I can't say for sure if it's ever been used correctly or not, but I will say it's a powerful tool.


Ha, Yoshi's comment. I can't tell if he means because of how Typhon seemed to single out those ships, or because of his own experiences with gunships. But I can't say he's wrong.

Aw man, I miss CelestialBlade. Her comments are great. And she focuses on different things than I do despite us having different focus.
I agree that Lee being taken out by the Hunter would be a great end. Good guys take out bad guys because they want to keep the peace. But to be taken out by a bad guy, you have to have really messed up.

Yeah, Ka'li was a surprise. I saw her coming a bit early, but it was still a neat realization.

No~ not enough comments! I want more! Replying to them is more fun than responding to the story!

[stukasa]

@Zorafim:

Spoiler!

Thanks for the detailed feedback.

I also liked the music in that chapter. Well, to be fair I like the music in most of my chapters. I spend a *lot* of time searching for songs that fit the mood. Sometimes I'm lucky and find something right away, other times I'll spend hours searching for a single song and end up with something I'm still not completely satisfied with. But I always put in the effort.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to include references from the game (like emergency codes), because at this point my stories have taken on such a life of their own. But I do like to throw in little references here and there, whether it's a weapon, a Technique, a place, or whatever. Little things that remind the reader, "Hey, this is PSO2!"

Things that will happen in the future? You mean where I mentioned it would be a long thirty seconds? I do that once in a while, but I don't think I do it excessively. It depends on the reaction I'm going for. If I want to shock you with something, I won't give you any warning. But if I want to build a sense of tension (because you know something bad is about to happen), I may drop a hint here and there. You have a point about reminding the reader that I'm in control of the story, but honestly I hadn't expected you to forget that.

I miss CelestialBlade too. Here's hoping she finds her way back here eventually!

[yoshiblue]

Makes me wonder how many times we didn't give you the reaction you were seeking.

[stukasa]

@yoshiblue: I don't know people's reactions to every scene that I write, so I can't say for sure. But from the comments I've read, the reactions are usually what I expected. I think there were a couple times where the reactions surprised me, but for the most part they've been pretty consistent.

[Zorafim]

Generally when I realize I'm trying to be manipulated, I feel the other thing just out of spite.
But I'm often too engrossed in the medium to notice when I am.

[stukasa]

@Zorafim: To be honest, you're not the only one. But you shouldn't always think of it as a bad thing. Every creator, whether they be an artist, writer, game developer, etc., is trying to get you to feel something. That's the point of creating things in the first place. If my writing wasn't meant to make you feel something, I wouldn't bother doing it. Why write something the readers won't care about? In order to care about something, you have to feel for it. That's what I'm trying to do, that's what you're trying to do, that's what we--as creators--are all trying to do. Even if it's something as simple as enjoying an interesting story. In a way, you could say we're all trying to manipulate each others' emotions. But is that necessarily a bad thing?

[Zorafim]

Hm~ I think in my case, it's more like, I want to share how I'm feeling. I want to make something I like, and show it to everyone. Whether they feel a certain way or not is up to them.
It's really easy for me to do in music. Well, performing. Composing I'm still not as skilled at.
While performing, I can channel emotion that I might be hiding from even myself. It comes across in the way I move, and the subtle way I strike a note that may be different each time I play that part. I don't necessarily care what my listener hears. I care about what I play.

In composition I have to use tricks more, because I'm still not quite there. I have to think, well, this instrument has this association, this chord progression has this association, this structure has this association, and tie them together to a sort of feel that I originally wanted to go for. It's not as free as my performance, where I can just do.
But then, I guess that just comes with experience.

[stukasa]

That's a perfectly valid approach as well. Though, to think about it another way, consider this: I'm writing stories that *I* would enjoy reading, and I enjoy reading stories that make me feel things. Therefore, by the transitive property or whatever, I'm trying to get you to feel something as well. Know what I mean?

Ultimately I'm writing for myself, I suppose. I can't always control what other people take away from my stories. But, I hope it does move them in some way, whether it's the way I expected or not.

[Zorafim]

21.3 (52)

Spoiler!

I like these five act structures. I feel like I'm a good chunk through it each time I get through a chapter. Then just when I feel like I've been in one chapter long enough, it's time for the next.
I don't know what counts as a full chapter, but still I notice that you have kind of a structure to them. You have a grand reveal at the .5 mark, and you have a break at the .1 mark, with a slow build between.

Conflicts of interest are interesting. When given the choice in games, I go for the utilitarian choice every time. My character might lose a major part of themselves, but I have a world to save.

Well, you gave me my weakness. In corporal, nonsense worlds that make no sense, but offer introspection. I love these Final Fantasy-esque sequences that tie the story to a close in a fantastical way.
Man, I need to use that style in Heaven. I have no excuse not to use these all the time.

I like how Typhon was portrayed here, too. I felt a strong disconnect between its avatar and the creature itself. Like it was using it to communicate, but either didn't want or didn't have the means to fully express its desires and intentions.
I like that. It makes the creature seem more alien. I think it was used well in the recent IT movie. The creature was projecting itself in a human-like creation or puppet, but that creation didn't express all the true desires and intentions of the original creature.

And yeah, great music, etc.

The stabbing seemed like a big deal to me too. Nerves are sensitive. And slow to repair.

[stukasa]

@Zorafim:

Spoiler!

Not all chapters are five acts, though. Some are shorter, some are longer. There are a couple that are only a single act. I usually try to break them up by subject matter. There will be one main plot and often one or several sub-plots going on. I don't have a strict guideline for how I break up the chapters. I just go with what feels right.

Utilitarian... in this case, the choice that will bring about the most good?

I was hoping you'd like that scene. I definitely enjoyed writing it! I wanted to give Typhon more motivation than being some mindless beast, and I wanted the readers to understand *why* Typhon was causing all that destruction. As for why it chose to appear as Kira, well, there are a lot of symbolic reasons I could talk about, but the main reason was to give Akasha (and the story itself) the best sense of closure. It certainly meant more than if Typhon had appeared as a random person you'd never seen before.