My girlfriend and I are having some troubles

[TheOneHero]

One, she's very shy and keeps to herself. She doesn't talk to me about herself or ask me anything a lot. (Usually all she asks is: What's new?, or, how're you?) I'd like her to express herself more. But I don't want to rush her.

I'm her only b/f that has actually treated her with respect and kindness. I don't lie to her, (as one of her past b/fs did, and she's only had two besides me.) I'm the only guy she's ever kissed/been kissed by. So I'm guessing she's just not use to someone caring so much for outside of her family.

I'd very much like to get over this 'barrier' of hers, and get to actually talk about eachother. (We do talk a lot about world things, school, etc. etc.) but not about eachother, and when I say something personal, she doesn't really ask me to explain or tell me how she feels about it. I donno why, but it bothers me when I don't get feedback from her.

I care about her very much, (more so than any other girl I've been with.)

Blah, I'll just end there before I start repeating myself. >_>;

Anyway, any advice on what I could do to try and get her to be more open would be nice. (I've talked to her about it before, and told her I won't rush her.) So I'm kinda looking for a way to just nudge her indirectly. (though if it's not the best thing than say so.)

Anything else you get from this; please feel free to share your opinions. Thanks. =)



Edit* I sound like a frickin' retard. -_-

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2005-08-27 10:20 ]</font>

[Getintothegame]

I think actually knowing the person you're dating is extremely important. If you don't know much about them, you're going to have troubles in the future.

I'd start out casually on a nice date at a good resturaunt. Talk for awhile, get comfortable and then start with a question like "So, where did you grow up?" or "What interests you?" etc.

If the answers are short from her, go into detail about where you grew up or what interests you, respectivley.

Maybe she lost all of her confidence because of her last boyfriend who lied to her? I think once she knows that she can trust you 100%, she may completely open up to you.

[Dek]

On 2005-08-27 10:19, TheOneHero wrote:

Edit* I sound like a frickin' retard. -_-

Interesting, since I don't ever recall "retarded" and "compasionate" to ever be on the same page...

From what you said, she obviously hasn't been in this type of relationship before. She is still holding those feelings of the past within her because she feels as if history will repeat itself, even if she does know that you aren't the type to lie constantly.

For now, I think the best situation is to be there for her as much as possible and let time play a vital role. With those two factors in hand, she might have a revelation of some sort and realize Boyfriend A was an asshole and Boyfriend B (you) is nothing like that and, therefore, should feel safe, comfortable, and open around him.

[TheOneHero]

On 2005-08-27 10:30, Getintothegame wrote:
I'd start out casually on a nice date at a good resturaunt. Talk for awhile, get comfortable and then start with a question like "So, where did you grow up?" or "What interests you?" etc.

If the answers are short from her, go into detail about where you grew up or what interests you, respectivley.

Going on a date without my parents will be hard. One, I still haven't got my michigan license. (Sure I have my parents drop me off, but they [especially my mom] don't really want us to be 'together'. I'm a year older than her, so they're trying to get me to go out with someone my own age, despite me not feeling anything for that person at all.

And I've talked to her about where she grew up, and went on in detail about my life. (She didn't say much about it after that, and threw a "what's new?" after that.) lol

I've asked her what her interests were (Course this was a while back, so maybe bringing it up again would help?)

Arthas- That's kinda what I've been thinking.

Edit*

I think actually knowing the person you're dating is extremely important. If you don't know much about them, you're going to have troubles in the future.

I totally agree, and that's why I'm trying so hard to be able to actually talk about eachother.

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: TheOneHero on 2005-08-27 10:43 ]</font>

[Sagasu]

You've gotten my advice,

Just here to wish you well.

[shinobu_seta]

I've not been keeping up with your threads about this subject, so I'm sorry if you mentioned it before, but how long have you guys been together now? This will help us the most in giving advice about it.

Just be patient a little longer. Like everyone else said, she's just getting used to the new relationship and she probably has a lot of bad feelings left with her from the previous one. Once she sees and feels that you aren't as bad as the last boyfriend, she'll open up. Just give it a little time and continue to be there for her.

[rena-ko]

some ideas:
-set your parents straight. one year difference, thats ridiculous. tell them to have some trust into you that you dont mess things up.

-dont interogate your girlfriend.
let her tell you about herself at her pace.
make her feel comfortable tho. best way to talk with a woman is to talk through actions.
after all, she just has to settle and actually feel comfortable with the 'new' situation of having someone special in her life that she can feel acompanied to. not inferior or superior. give her time and listen to what she hints towards and you'll learn about her good enough.

good luck

[Daikarin]

Well, she probably is afraid of going forward, probably because she lost trust in men. I mean, if you say her previous boyfriends were how they were, they probably she has reasons for keeping herself in her shell.

I guess she first needs to earn your trust, if you started dating recently.

[navci]

On 2005-08-27 16:23, Even_Jin wrote:
Well, she probably is afraid of going forward, probably because she lost trust in men. I mean, if you say her previous boyfriends were how they were, they probably she has reasons for keeping herself in her shell.

I guess she first needs to earn your trust, if you started dating recently.

You mean he needs to earn her trust?
Best thing to do is just to keep patience, be there. Show that you are solid and trustworthy. When the time come, she will start opening up. Don't push it or force it. Let her be comfortable with it.

[geewj]

Okay, well I have a few comments.

First off, how long have you guys been dating? Because it doesn't sound like it's been all that long.

Just because you are 'dating' doesn't mean you get the all access pass to her head. Dating or not, it's just like anything else. You spend time with the person, enjoy thier company, get to know eachother, get comfortable with eachother in all kinds of ways. These things take time. And it's not something that you should plan a calendar by. you do what you do, and they happen or they don't. Just because you are both two perfectly good people doeant mean it will or should work out. Maybe you just communicate with people in different way.

I mean, if you're worried about setting up dates when there aren't parents around then it sounds like you've got a ways to go before you should even concider the lack of personal information and comfort and issue. Could you connect with someone and talk to them about anything while your mom is sitting next to you finishing off her third pepsi?

Just give it time and let it do what it does.



Oh, and just something I thought was funny.

"I'm her only b/f that has actually treated her with respect and kindness. I don't lie to her, (as one of her past b/fs did, and she's only had two besides me.)"

Okay


"I'm the only guy she's ever kissed/been kissed by. So I'm guessing she's just not use to someone caring so much for outside of her family."

Uhm, so if her past boyfriends wern't there for her body, and they treated her like crap too... then just what did they do together.

Something sounds off there.