(Disclaimer: If you have a short attention span, no sense or sarcasm, are a spy for the French, please just go to the bottom of this very, very, long and totally serious post. You have been warned.)
As a former (But still oh so satisfied!) player of the platinum selling ubergame of the cosmos (not WoW but the other only mmo in existance) FFXI, I feel it is my civic right, and solemn duty to defend it's honor from the slanderous sayings being thrown about by some misinformed halfwits on the internets today. "This game is just(/kinda/not really but I'm comparing it to it anyway) like FFXI!
Ah, but only in a better world comrade. A better world neither you nor myself could ever possibly fathom living in.
In this article I plan to hopefully once and for all show you the light! That this horribly made, atrociously produced piece of asian fecal matter is in NO WAY like the godsend to all gamers that is FFXI. Let's start shall we?
To begin with, the firt thing you should do when you start either game, is make a character! What does PSU have to offer.
Humans - Wow, the one thing they got right. Only bedcause they are in every other game ever made. Way to go sega, you didn't fuck up your standard well rounded class.
Newmans - Ooooh, humans with pointy ears. (They are called elves for the record sega.) They cast magic better. Don't see those anywhere else.
Casts - Robots in an MMO? Nice try being original sega, but you don't see robots in other mmo's because EVERYONE ELSE KNOWS THAT THEY ARE GIMPY PIECES OF SHIT. They belong in armored core, virtual on, and japanese elementry school playgrounds. Not here. You know what other MMO had robots in it? RF fucking Online. Have any of you readers heard of that game? HELLZ NO you haven't. Because it is the fucking worst game to ever come from the east. Except for this one. Still better than PSU (but that's another article). (/sarcasm. Those SUV weaps are fucking badass though, glad I'm gonna be a cast [sarcasm])
Beasts - Finally you have your beastmen. I sort of orginal concept that sega did a horrible job bringing over. Seriously, anyone who played FFXI (a good game) know that beastmen are for exping ON not exping WITH And what is up with those ghey ass ears? How come that Lionel guy from the story mode had kick ass fuzzy ears but when I actually get to play a beast (heaven forbid I have to play this game after I preordered it) I have two fucking furby's attached to my head? Only redeeming factor, highest ATP and nanoblasts. (Seriously, those ears fucking suck bozhangles.)
That brings us to the options you have to options you have to customize thise mundane and uninspired characters! You have intirely too many! I want to play the game! Damn my looking apart from people! My name ~XvxsixsixsixSePhIrOtHsixsixsixxvX~ is more than enough to tell me apart from the crowd. (even those in this game you get to have the same name as someone, and that is just WRONG)
But I digress, as it is time to try and explain to you just how much better FFXI's races are. A relatively unimportant difference, but a difference nonetheless, that must be pointed out. The following mystical and exotic characters populate the servers of FFXI.
Humes - Ah your good ol' familiar Human characters. Perfect for players who would like to experience all the different jobs with out being bad at any, and with the right gear excel at all! The hume models are all excellently designed, and stand out from humans from other games! One (2?) of the models is a bald white guy, with a goti. but hold on to your hats! He has a tatoo running down the middle of his head. Sheer genious on square/enix's part! Oh and the chicks are hawt too.
Elvaan - Totally original race. Elves came from Elvaan, but lost their long, graceful (did I mention long. They are pretty fucking long. No joke.) necks through de-evolution from not being awesome enough. But the originality doesn't end there!! Elvaan actually excel in melee combat and should shy away from magic! (well the WHM's are okay.) This is opposite from any game ever made. ever *sigh* how I miss my Elvaan DRK though even when at lvl 50 hit about 1/4 as much as a lvl 1. (when fighting the appropite lvl mob of course silly goose!)
Galka - Ah one of the most original races ever thought of! Why you may ask? (well, other than the fact can't even begin describing exactly what a galka is supposed to look like) You can't choose your sex! And why should you? No from for women if your gonna hve the highest HP of all races! Reproduction? A-sexual of course! (but it's just a game don't worry about it) They are the biggest class so naturally the most suitable for tanking. (common sense) PSU is void of tanks. Because it is nothing like FFXI.
Mithra - Ah what another wonderful and never seen before race! (Not to be confused with the catgirls of...well everything but FFXI) Because now you have to be a female to be a balanced melee class! But that's okay because some guys like to be women anyway (who doesn't? they have boobs) Tell me that isn't fucking ground breaking!. As kitties (with fully animated tails no less? why can't sega do that?) They are the most agile of all the races. (Kitties are natures ninja's. You dare defy my logic! Peasant!)
TaruTaru - Last, but certainly not least (Well...maybe.) The magical Tarutaru. Aren't they just the most cutesy-wutesy little guys you've ever seen! The Tarutaru, or called by some taru, have the highest magical ability of all the other races. By a lot. I mean a fuckload. If you play a taru as any other class but blm,whm,smn,rdm, blu(m), or brd (/whm) you are a fucking n00b. Who should be shot. But you still get almost as many class options as the pathetically limited PSU (once again another article).
And the character creation! The options for each race are the way PSU's should be. Blissfully limited and to the fucking point. Yes. Blissfully. You get to choose sex (3/5th's of the time) and hair. Each hair style has a set face and two robust colors! If you play you get half as many hair styles but double the colors! You may think that clothing otpions are limited initially, but just wait till you get out of your AF gear! Then you can say "I totally look different from all those lvl 65 and down n00bs." Totally worth the 3 zillion hours spent. If you disagree you have no work ethic. None! Go get a job! Like whm! Slacker!
All of us FF vet's know that individuality is something you earn(grind?) not something you create.
Okay, if you actually read that, I hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it. If two or three of you liked it I might try and write some more (comparing classes + gameplay at least) before the game comes out. The first post I wrote actually gave me a bunch of ideasI would've put this in the landfill, but who actually reads that shit?
Btw, this is fucking satire. If you skipped to the bottom and manage to see this before posting a flame...congrats.
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