Parents. Issues. Blah.

[Darkly]

Kikumaru - you're taking what i say too literally.

I didn't mean they should make your decisions until your 18 or whatever, i meant they should just be there for their kids, support the decisions they make and whatnot.

I actually agree with you, parents shouldn't make all the decisions at all for them, sorry if i was unclear.





<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Darkly on 2007-12-21 16:11 ]</font>

[Gryffin]

Thanks everyone for comments o_O;

Oh. and Blaize.... if a 'little drunk' for you is 1 or two bottles of wine, and several cocktails everynight... I think YOU need some rehab.

And she doesn't get violent or anything, and this is really the first time anything bad has come of it while she's drunk..
But, I know she did mean it. When she drinks, she gets clumsier, and she speaks directly how she feels....

Mm. Fun stuff.. I just wish she'd waited a while to tell me this. I really don't wanna end up back in Psych around the holidays. I've missed enough school... (been in school 2 days the past month)


Edit: Few things I forgot.

I told my mom and dad I was gay... LAST YEAR. And they already told me she'll be able to get over it.... not to mention, Literally, the WEEK before, in family therapy, they said themselves.
'It's okay, We'll always love you, and always be here for you, we'll never push you down. We'd rather have a gay son then a dead son.'

And as for my other issues, none of them have derived from them, and this is the first time anything she's said has gotten to me. I'm not saying I hate my mother, I'm saying I hate myself for putting the burden on them. I'm saying I wish I was never born so that I wouldn't have hurt them with things I can't change in myself. I'm saying the nights that I've had a bottle of pills in my hand, and asked her if she would stay up and talk with me, and she's shrugged me off and gone to bed, turning the lights out as she leaves the room. Leaving me to cry all night and bleed into my blanket from the knife wounds all down my arms and legs. I'm saying that I love them unconditionally, but when they say something that actually hurts me, I question how much they like me as a person. I know they love me as their son. But when they say something as cruel as that to my face, it's worse than anything I've done to myself, and It's worse than what I can do to myself. I'm not used to that. I'm always able to shake off physical pain, because I can do that to myself. I can shake off headaches because so many other people ask for me to comfort them. I can shake off when people try to insult me, or put me down, because all my emotion issues are my own.

But I couldn't shake this off. It hurt. Deep.. I can forgive her, hell I'm not even MAD at her. I'm mad that she feels that way, sure. But it's all my own fault anyways, God forbid I like men, God forbid I'm suicidal, God forbid that they had to dip into they're rather large bank accounts to shell out for therapy to keep my from killing myself, God forbid I smoked--even though I quit when she asked me.

I do alot for them. For fucks sake, I'm only still alive because I know dying would hurt them.

And now, I'm not so sure.



<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Gryffin on 2007-12-21 16:36 ]</font>

[AlexCraig]

I'm sure you're not the root of all their emnity. Are there any other factors going on? You know, like lack of money for utilities and bills? Job related troubles?

[ABDUR101]

They said it themselves; they'd rather have a gay son than a dead one. Don't think otherwise.

I figured they had knew before and most likely don't care, odds are she was just making a remark that came across the wrong way. When you're drunk, you don't realise that you may say something and it will come across much differently than how you meant it.

[BlaizeYES]

jesus, well i believe my comments were made a bit prematurely. i will take back my previous statements, and i will admit in your particular situation i was wrong. but i must sleep, it is 4 in the morning. farewell my friends, and be strong my friend. you are special, and you are not meant to be dead. i am not good with comforting people, so that is about as deep as i am physically able to go. goodnight, and god speed

[TetsuyaHikari]

Well, my parents telling me, "We'd rather have a gay son than a dead son" really doesn't say much about how much they care for me, in my person opinion.

I find that kind of remark insulting. I think if they really cared about you, they could have came up with something better than that surely. Anyway, that's beside the point though.

I'll give you a few words of advice from my own point of view here, just as I have before. First..stop beating yourself up over something you can't control. So you're attracted to other guys? Whoopty freakin' do.

Seriously..don't get so bent out of shape over something like that. If they thought of you as a burden, they wouldn't have taken out so much money for your therapy. You can't decide for yourself whether or not you are a burden to someone else. Only that person can decide such a thing.

So don't stress out over something you don't know is true or not. You could be sitting in your room all day and think, "I'm a burden to them", but that doesn't mean they will be thinking of you as such.

Also, if your mom really doesn't give a shit about you..I'd say, attempt talking with her and by the end of the conversation if she just seems like she is a lost hope, then forget about it. A relationship isn't one-sided.

The relationship can be with your father, mother, friend, teacher, neighbor, etc. It doesn't matter who it is. If you are putting forth feelings and effort into something to just fall apart, then yeah..you're going to feel bad. Why? Because you're getting back negative things, despite giving positive.

You're trying and the other party isn't. You feel bad because you think you're at fault. You want to work things out, but the other person doesn't want to. You feel helpless, they don't care. You get the idea.

So, if your mother really doesn't give a rat's ass about you, then I say..you should cut all ties with her at that point. Just start disregarding what she says, brushing off her attempts at an insult, and carry on with whatever it is you're doing.

If you don't do that, then she'll forever control your feelings and make you feel like shit. I know, cause I had a father and a stepmother who did the same thing. I stopped listening to whatever they had to say, since I lost respect for them anyway and I started listening to the ones who DID care about me.

But anyway, this is about you. To get back on topic here..I know it sounds harsh, but you've just got to know when to let go. You can't keep going on like this..beating yourself up for doing nothing wrong, just because your mother says so.

Like I said before..don't let her control your feelings. If you do, it's going to end up tearing you apart one day. I know she's your mother, but she's also a human being, just as yourself. You don't have to just respect her because she's your mother.

If she's verbally abusing you or causing you psychological, or even emotional trauma..you don't have to put up with that. I'll leave you with these last few words to think about before I get some rest.

Honestly, I think you need to grow a spine. I've known you for a while now and you've never put your foot down in these kind of situations. You always let people control you. You then want to ask for help and advice from those around you, but whenever we (well, I, anyway) give you advice, you just say, "I knooooow, but I can't change" or something to that extent, basically making our advice, well..useless.

So, yeah. Go grow a pair and quit letting those around you control your life and your feelings. That's all I got to say

[Solstis]

You really do have to have a pair to come out at 15, so I don't think that's the problem Kikumaru. Or maybe it is?

I'm not a trained Crisis Center person by any means, but I'm pretty sure Gryffin's suicidal tendencies are not the sort of thing I'd leave a forum discussion to fix. Cutting all ties could be beneficial, but it could make things worse (especially because he might then feel guilty about it, etc).

[Gryffin]

Haha, thanks guys.. Talking to people is always nice.

[BlaizeYES]

alright now kikumaru, thats how you give advice. GOOD FORM