What is your view on love?

[Oatmeal]

I've never been in love and hope I never am. It's a clouding emotion and prevents you from seeing better prospects available. Every girlfriend I've had I've dumped without hesitation when I found someone better to get involved with.

To me, falling in love with someone and staying in a very long relation with them means you have given up on yourself and have settled; it's a very self-depreciating behavior.

[Neith]

Surprised, but it really is brilliant if you do find someone; it's like nothing else I can think of. I've been with someone years ago, and it was amazing while it lasted. Of course, the split is awful and can mess you up bad. If anything, it's a

It's something I've considered I guess; I've been single for a long time now, but I didn't want to meet anyone while I was in a bad way (out of work with no money whatsoever, getting by on benefits). Now that I have a job (not completely secure, I find out if I get kept on in a couple months), I think maybe it's time I did the things I wanted to do years ago- travel, and hopefully meet someone I can relate with.

The worst thing for me is that where I work is almost all females in their 20's that I get along with really well. Of course, this being reality, they're almost all with someone I suppose I'm in no rush, but I am almost 26 and would rather not be still in the same position at 40

Not sure I've ever believed the 'everyone has a perfect partner' though; it really depends on the person. I'm naturally very reserved, so I find it difficult to keep conversation, but I don't think it'd stop me from finding someone- it might just take a while

I have to admit, lots of people here have a really negative view of it; I guess I find it a little odd.

[CupOfCoffee]

How old are you, again? 19-20?

Haha, closeish. 24.

And I agree with everything you said. I don't find myself or a general apathy to romance to be weird in the slightest, but other people often do, so I find myself explaining a lot.

I'm not a romantic, but I am an optimist, and I'm open to the possibility that someday something will click and I'll understand what everyone seems to see in romantic partnerships. But I'm also content to take my current happiness (with all its regular friends and freedom from emotional obligation) at face value, and so I also won't mind if that something never does click.

[StriderTuna]

I consider love to be an unusual exception of nature, but a pleasant one that honestly I see the "no love" alternative to be a pretty terrible thing as more good comes from love than bad.

I've been burned a good number of times but I press on and have hope. But I do agree with the remark about "letting love come to you" as I've had some nice moments when I followed that. At the moment I'm just waiting and seeing what happens.

[Nitro Vordex]

God, most of you people are just depressing.

[amtalx]

God, most of you people are just depressing.

I wouldn't quite say depressing. It just seems like some view love as bad because it often puts you in a vulnerable position, and somehow that is construed as weakness. I'll admit that I shared a similar view in my younger years when dealing with typical teenage angst, but that was a long time ago. It's the kind of logic that's born from the ignorance of youth, not the wisdom of experience.

[GLaDOS]

My childlike naivety refuses to allow me to think love can be truly depressing. Having no experience in a relationship at all would be my excuse. So yeah, I still think love is that spectacular combustion of radiant light when you know you've finally found that one person. And yes, I do still think that that person, once found, will always be there for you, when it counts or otherwise. Haha! Obviously, I'm not quite ready to leave my world of fairytale just yet ....reality is a bit to scarey for me at the moment. -3-

[The Last Baron]

The thing that's confusing me most about this thread is that people are throwing around the word love as if it means solely romantic love between two people. It's that mindset alone that really prevents such a happening. We fixate on what love should be between two people and why we can't ever have such a thing. We fixate on why trying to achieve that sort of relationship is meaningless, avoiding all potential meaning of the resulting happiness that it can bring. We fixate on pain and betrayal. Such fixation gives power to these feelings and blinds us from seeing that love is not a romantic love is not something we can aim for or should aim for but something we will experience. That is the very nature of a feeling.

We often resign ourselves to one fate because of what we've seen, attaching our past to our future. In many ways, looking at romantic love as resulting in marriage is detrimental to accepting it as something we want. In this day and age, everyone knows at least one family who has suffered a divorce, and failing that there are enough publicized celebrity divorces for one to at least know what one is. One might then ask "Well, weren't they supposed to have loved each other?" And to some extent, I'm sure they did experience love in their time with each other. However, we all are aware that there are checks and balances to a relationship. Some call it "making sacrifices," which further adds reason to dislike the idea of romantic love. Making an uncomfortable change is one thing--we all fall into comforts and habits in our lives, and when we break them without taking even a second to think about why we should or shouldn't have, the resulting change can be extremely discomforting--but making a true sacrifice is another. A sacrifice (the kind that truly brings about the failing of a relationship) is a change made that conflicts with our core values. What do we hold dear in life? Our values more than anything else determine how and who we will love, and the less understanding we are of said values, the less likely we are to find a partner who truly reflects these values and provides us with a sustained happiness.

So when it comes down to it, romantic love is an extension of a love and understanding that you have for yourself. You start with a reflection: this is who I am, this is what I hold dear, and this is what I want. You then move to action from your reflections: do things fitting with what you hold dear, surround yourself with people who fill you, continue to tell yourself what it is you want, even tell the others around you, make it known! This cycle of action and reflection cultivates a love for ourselves. Just as attaching to misanthropy and cynicism leads us to a place where we cannot see a meaning in love, letting ourselves experience things that fill us leads us to a place where love fills every action we take.

Does our romantic partner materialize like *poof*? No, that would be silly (well actually you never know!). Your partner does exist though, as much as you can see her/him.

/tangent

[GLaDOS]

The thing that's confusing me most about this thread is that people are throwing around the word love as if it means solely romantic love between two people. It's that mindset alone that really prevents such a happening. We fixate on what love should be between two people and why we can't ever have such a thing. We fixate on why trying to achieve that sort of relationship is meaningless, avoiding all potential meaning of the resulting happiness that it can bring. We fixate on pain and betrayal. Such fixation gives power to these feelings and blinds us from seeing that love is not a romantic love is not something we can aim for or should aim for but something we will experience. That is the very nature of a feeling.

We often resign ourselves to one fate because of what we've seen, attaching our past to our future. In many ways, looking at romantic love as resulting in marriage is detrimental to accepting it as something we want. In this day and age, everyone knows at least one family who has suffered a divorce, and failing that there are enough publicized celebrity divorces for one to at least know what one is. One might then ask "Well, weren't they supposed to have loved each other?" And to some extent, I'm sure they did experience love in their time with each other. However, we all are aware that there are checks and balances to a relationship. Some call it "making sacrifices," which further adds reason to dislike the idea of romantic love. Making an uncomfortable change is one thing--we all fall into comforts and habits in our lives, and when we break them without taking
even a second to think about why we should or shouldn't have, the resulting change can be extremely discomforting--but making a true sacrifice is another. A sacrifice (the kind that truly brings about the failing of a relationship) is a change made that conflicts with our core values. What do we hold dear in life? Our values more than anything else determine how and who we will love, and the less understanding we are of said values, the less likely we are to find a partner who truly reflects these values and provides us with a sustained happiness.

So when it comes down to it, romantic love is an extension of a love and understanding that you have for yourself. You start with a reflection: this is who I am, this is what I hold dear, and this is what I want. You then move to action from your reflections: do things fitting with what you hold dear, surround yourself with people who fill you, continue to tell yourself what it is you want, even tell the others around you, make it known! This cycle of action and reflection cultivates a love for ourselves. Just as attaching to misanthropy and cynicism leads us to a place where we cannot see a meaning in love, letting ourselves experience things that fill us leads us to a place where love fills every action we take.

Does our romantic partner materialize like *poof*? No, that would be silly (well actually you never know!). Your partner does exist though, as much as you can see her/him.

/tangent

Wow. I knew love was very complex, and I'd still probably never get the mechanics of it, even if I lived forever. But reading this, I guess I kind of understand it a little bit more.

[Keely]

Selfishness is the antithesis of love and makes relationships difficult. The ideal situation is that both people keep their selfishness to a minimum.