1) Why can't I get off my artichoke fix? Really. I've been in California for years now and it's still not getting old. I wonder if there's a group for this. I can't be the only one ODing on hearts and butter.
2) I hate you sun. I lather up with SPF 85 and you still fucking burn me. What gives? Do you seek me out? Do you get a cheap thrill? Are you contracting with the HMO that will eventually pay for my skin cancer removal? What?? Tell me. Tell me how not to get burnt and I'll do it. Staying indoors is just not an option.
3) Dropped calls. I live right by friggin Silicon Valley. The center of the techie universe. Yet, for God knows what reason, I still cannot drive from home to downtown without dropping a call. TWICE. Hear that? TWICE. Fix the fucking infrastructure. I'd have better luck in Guam. I swear.
4) I can't find a couch. Really. I thought I'd be able to peruse Ebay or go to Ikea or something and just pick one up. There are like 5,000 different kinds and non of them are a) my taste, or if they are my taste then b) comfortable. WTF? Does everything have to be so complicated? I just want a bloody couch that I can bloody sit on to bloody watch TV. Not to repeat myself, but, really, WTF.
5)Okay. WHERE. in hell are all these bugs coming from?!!!!
Jesus Christ! It's like it got warm out and every bug in California has taken refuge from the heat in my house and backyard!
The friggin flies in my outdoor shower: I demand an explanation. I friggin kill all four of you every morning, only to wake up and find that you have reanimated yourselves. What kind of messed up voodoo shit are you four up to in there while I'm asleep?
And the gnats that keep landing on my bananas? Who ARE you?!! Eff OFF!!
To the spiders: spiders as big as you can only have one function, and it has to be something utterly terrible like eating children or paralyzing dogs or something. So what the hell are you doing in my house all the time? And for the love of all that is good and holy, when I come at you with a wad of toilet paper, PLEASE stop that friggin JUMPING bullshit!!! My God! Do you not HEAR my roomie shriek like a little girl every time? Are you TRYING to humiliate her? Do you get a KICK out of making a grown woman screech like a schoolgirl?! Just bloody let me grab you in the toilet paper wad and bloody take it like a man... spider!
And the silverfish? I'm sorry. You are by far the most disgusting creatures on earth and you are the most cogent evidence of the existence of Satan that I can think of. What in the hell do you need all those bloody legs for? You are utterly gross.
And finally, to the junebugs: HOW IN THE EVER-LOVING HELL ARE YOU GETTING IN HERE??!!! You're all ENORMOUS!!!! Where the hell are you COMING from? You're bloody disgusting!!! STAY THE HELL OUTSIDE!!!!
6) Lastly, what is up with those Brits looking like Link with a beard? Come on now, seriously!?
And that's why it's so sad.
Now THIS is a RANT.
<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: LollipopLolita on 2004-08-04 17:48 ]</font>
Connect With Us